Since W went out for lunch with a solid friend, There seems to have been a positive impact with subtle but noticeable changes in W. She is reaching out I am giving lots of space and being busy GAL not so available. There seems to be less entitlement to her. She has been asking about me, my day and showing more engagement and interest with our kids.
I’m not enthusiastically cheerleading based on this but I noticed subtle changes.
Since W went out for lunch with a solid friend, There seems to have been a positive impact with subtle but noticeable changes in W. She is reaching out I am giving lots of space and being busy GAL not so available. There seems to be less entitlement to her. She has been asking about me, my day and showing more engagement and interest with our kids.
I’m not enthusiastically cheerleading based on this but I noticed subtle changes.
Subtle positive changes are good - or at least better than obvious negative actions - but try not to get wrapped up on analyzing every little thing. She is likely very confused and her feelings could swing quite a bit, plus the LBS has a tendency to project their hopes onto each WS/WAS action. You'll know if she really wants to reconcile.
I'm wondering how she is asking about your day and showing more engagement? She is still moved out, correct? Is it calls, texts, stopping by the house?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Since W went out for lunch with a solid friend, There seems to have been a positive impact with subtle but noticeable changes in W. She is reaching out I am giving lots of space and being busy GAL not so available. There seems to be less entitlement to her. She has been asking about me, my day and showing more engagement and interest with our kids.
I’m not enthusiastically cheerleading based on this but I noticed subtle changes.
Subtle positive changes are good - or at least better than obvious negative actions - but try not to get wrapped up on analyzing every little thing. She is likely very confused and her feelings could swing quite a bit, plus the LBS has a tendency to project their hopes onto each WS/WAS action. You'll know if she really wants to reconcile.
YES, she will make it clear if she really wants to.
I'm wondering how she is asking about your day and showing more engagement? She is still moved out, correct? Is it calls, texts, stopping by the house?
ALL of the above, seems to be a pattern now of every 2 to 3 days: texts, calls, even an occasional sincere-sounding apology, dropping by (usually calls or texts first). I am working at not responding always, not answering the phone, having a life, having plans.
ALL of the above, seems to be a pattern now of every 2 to 3 days: texts, calls, even an occasional sincere-sounding apology, dropping by (usually calls or texts first). I am working at not responding always, not answering the phone, having a life, having plans.
It's the push/pull of DBing...
The further you pull away, the closer she will come...
The closer you come, the further she will pull away...
She may not want you now, yet she doesn't want you to get too far away either.
It goes to show the confusion in her head.
You have to find a balance of what works with this. The counter-intuitive part of DBing is, that it feels wrong while you are in it.
So you choose if you want to feel good for now, or work toward feeling good with things later...
One involves you being so available to her...
One involves letting her see a life without you.
"Bills and Kids" seems to work best in trying to determine contact....
Look up the distance/pursuit dynamic. It is a real thing. I think that is what you are seeing. WWs are like cats. Ever just grab a cat and put on your lap? They will admittedly fight to get down and get away from you. But if you sit quietly, and ignore a cat, it will come to you and jump up on your lap of its own volition.
We have a couple of sayings around here that might help you. First, when she wants to come back you WILL know. It will be unequivocal.
Also, when she wants to come back, you will know. When she doesn't, you will be confused.
I'm still sensing a lot of confusion.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Just make sure you clean your side of the street and be ready if it were to happen....
A WAS will seldom return to the same situation that they are trying to walk away from...
This is such a good point. It's critical you work on improving yourself. People around here say "she gave you the gift of time, use it wisely"
How's the fitness program starting out? Are you eating better, upgrading your wardrobe, reading about attraction? What poor behaviors are working to 180?
Right now time probably feels like it's dragging on as you're upset about and consumed with your situation, but in a year or two you're going to look back and realize how quickly things went. Are you going to feel proud of the changes you made or say to yourself why did I waste this year or not not digging in with consistent action to become a better man?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
