Okay! It's time for all to step back and take a deep breath. Agree to disagree and move on. This is a public forum that not only do the members see what is posted, but the entire world can read them.
Please, please step back and just breathe. If posters are not happy with what is being posted, then take a break from this thread and/or forum and do something else. It's better to step back then to continue down this rabbit hole and something may be said that can't be taken back. Many of you are friends on other forums and have been for some time and I don't want to see the friendship break up over postings here.
There are a lot of posters out there that need our help.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
On the other hand, while you may have found DnJ's post on your thread condescending and judgmental, I don't think he was out of bounds raising the question of you dating a man who was not yet divorced.
Come on BL. I know this is a DB site but you have to know the difference between an actual affair and someone dating before divorce. The issue wasn't that dude was married the issue was that G thought he was going to go from being on Tinder while married, divorce and than get into a relationship with her.
Originally Posted by BL42
It's fair to wonder if he had a W back home hoping to DB her marriage
Is it really?
I spent the time between our court appearance and the finalization date vacillating wildly between hoping my husband would stop the madness and bracing myself for the day the D would be final if he didn't. I have to ask you, LH, really, why would someone doing that surprise you at all? There are many people who don't want to be divorced but by the same token don't stand in the way of their spouse moving on. I think you termed that unconditional love in another post on another thread?
And for some, the issue is the marriage still being legal. Maybe not you or others here, but some do have that issue, myself among them. I wouldn't be comfortable at all dating someone before the ink is dry, because I've observed over the years both IRL and here that no matter how much time has passed and how checked out of the marriage someone is, that final date is a crossing of the Rubicon which always brings up a lot of feelings which need to be sorted before moving on with someone else in a healthy way. I don't want to be someone's fallout or collateral damage, nor do I want to be involved in someone else's relationship on any level, however tangential.
Also, it speaks volumes about a person that they put themselves on a dating site that soon. What about being alone and sorting yourself out without involving or potentially hurting someone else? That's not someone I would be comfortable dating.
Can you guys see the difference here ? I'm not talking about a moral issue, I'm talking about risk assessment for my own heart.
And if it is a moral issue for someone, then what about respecting differences? There are ways to do so which leave both parties learning and growing from the experience. That did not happen in this case.
BF I will start by saying my lines are very grey between right and wrong and I am certainly not a moralist and never claimed to be one. What Ginger did was a bad idea and not from a moral standpoint IMO but more for a logical standpoint and she got burned. Though we will never know the truth I believe this wasn't a situation where this dudes W was hanging on for a reconciliation. If you go back and read what DNJ wrote he was poking at G in a very sly way. G took it in stride and gave it back to him and a less subtle way and apparently he didn't like it and I think for other reasons also took his ball and went home. For some reason everyone on here has very thick skin these days. I do not condone dating married people but I am also not going to condemn people for doing it. Happens all the time here just ask Andy P. I am more offended that we had a WS running around here bragging about it. Thank God G ran him off the board too lol.
As the moderator, I am going to make a judgment call and lock this thread. If you are not happy with my decision, then contact Michele and state your case, but I am sure she will agree that it is time for posters to step away from this thread for a bit.
A few posters have now read the interactions here and are now considering leaving the Board.
People come here for support and many of us have been here for quite some time and should be dbing any and all walks of life. They come here in pain, seeking answers and help. This is a public forum and it is one that everyone on God's green earth can come here and read. If you want to take your frustration out on something, go to the gym and beat the hell out of a punching bag.
As I stated previously, it is time to step back and breathe. If it will help, take some time away from the Board. This Board will be here when you return.
Last edited by job; 09/19/2208:51 PM.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
