I'm surprised to see LH and Ginger who used to seem teasing and flirty have turned more bickering & personal...in OB's thread and hers. Not sure why.
Lol. Where have you guys been for the last 4 years. This is standard operating procedure. Nothing to see here.
Originally Posted by BL42
On the other hand, while you may have found DnJ's post on your thread condescending and judgmental, I don't think he was out of bounds raising the question of you dating a man who was not yet divorced.
Come on BL. I know this is a DB site but you have to know the difference between an actual affair and someone dating before divorce. The issue wasn't that dude was married the issue was that G thought he was going to go from being on Tinder while married, divorce and than get into a relationship with her.
Originally Posted by BL42
It's fair to wonder if he had a W back home hoping to DB her marriage
Is it really?
Originally Posted by BL42
Plus it caused you personal pain when the relationship didn't work out.
This 1000%
Originally Posted by BL42
I just noticed DnJ's two dozen plus threads are gone. It appears he may have bowed out of the forum.
Yeah I highly doubt a post from G pushed him off the board. My guess would be more he got some closure at the wedding that his ex isn't coming back and it's time to move forward. Some people get stuck on this board and it is better to move on after a certain amount of time.
Originally Posted by BL42
Just as it would be if you do so as well Ginger...or anyone else.
LOL. G has quit this board more times than she has quit OLDing and more times than DNJ has said "feelings are fleeting". She ain't going no where.
Originally Posted by BL42
Why doesn't everyone who reads this comment show them some support, even if it's just taking two minutes to post a quick "hang in there, you'll get through this"?
Honestly. DNJ got challenged for the first time from multiple posters and he wasn’t just receiving praise. For someone who was so comfortable with his path, I’m shocked he didn’t hit ignore on me and continue to help others. I can’t imagine it was just me who made his very self confident in his path self leave the boards and take his threads with him. Maybe he is doing some reflection off the boards? Who knows.
Yet another member leaves over harsh comments. I support DnJ and Ginger in leaving and wish them well if this WildWest environment isn't serving them anymore.
I just want to clarify that no one has offended me or made this place uncomfortable for me and that’s why I am leaving. The most offensive and off base post I’ve had of late was DNJ’s, and I didn’t run from that.
I just realized this is the one place that is holding me back, despite how helpful people have been. It’s the one thing that hasn’t changed since my divorce
I just realized this is the one place that is holding me back, despite how helpful people have been. It’s the one thing that hasn’t changed since my divorce
A message board is holding you and your life back? Please help me understand how that could be possible? I guess if you were spending every free moment here, or doing anything for that matter, that could be a sort if addiction and addiction is certainly bad. But how is a discussion board the last missing piece versus looking inward to ones choices, decisions and actions? It would be great if it were that easy. But maybe I’m missing something. Please explain what I’m missing.
And if this place is the wild west…. OMG good belly laugh for a Sunday morning.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
It’s like social media when you get too much of it and it gets into your head.
I’m reading this book, “tired As f*ck” right now and it is completely resonating with me and explains a good portion of my burnout. My mental burnout. Always on a mission to do something different or better or needing to do things perfectly or excel instead of just “resting” and living as you are is a huge cause for burnout and anxiety.
I can’t read about dating anymore. I can’t read about divorce anymore. It hurts my head and seeing everything just causes me not to know which way is up or down. Makes me feel like everything is wrong and “do better! You are doing it wrong” all the time and I stop trusting myself .
It’s just not healthy for me anymore. I’ve either lived on this board as a woman trying to bust a divorce or a woman trying to date and find a partner. I don’t want to be either of those right now.
I just want to be a woman. My head and my heart just need a breather from all of this
On the other hand, while you may have found DnJ's post on your thread condescending and judgmental, I don't think he was out of bounds raising the question of you dating a man who was not yet divorced.
Come on BL. I know this is a DB site but you have to know the difference between an actual affair and someone dating before divorce. The issue wasn't that dude was married the issue was that G thought he was going to go from being on Tinder while married, divorce and than get into a relationship with her.
Originally Posted by BL42
It's fair to wonder if he had a W back home hoping to DB her marriage
Is it really?
I spent the time between our court appearance and the finalization date vacillating wildly between hoping my husband would stop the madness and bracing myself for the day the D would be final if he didn't. I have to ask you, LH, really, why would someone doing that surprise you at all? There are many people who don't want to be divorced but by the same token don't stand in the way of their spouse moving on. I think you termed that unconditional love in another post on another thread?
And for some, the issue is the marriage still being legal. Maybe not you or others here, but some do have that issue, myself among them. I wouldn't be comfortable at all dating someone before the ink is dry, because I've observed over the years both IRL and here that no matter how much time has passed and how checked out of the marriage someone is, that final date is a crossing of the Rubicon which always brings up a lot of feelings which need to be sorted before moving on with someone else in a healthy way. I don't want to be someone's fallout or collateral damage, nor do I want to be involved in someone else's relationship on any level, however tangential.
Also, it speaks volumes about a person that they put themselves on a dating site that soon. What about being alone and sorting yourself out without involving or potentially hurting someone else? That's not someone I would be comfortable dating.
Can you guys see the difference here ? I'm not talking about a moral issue, I'm talking about risk assessment for my own heart.
And if it is a moral issue for someone, then what about respecting differences? There are ways to do so which leave both parties learning and growing from the experience. That did not happen in this case.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Gloating how B? And D certainly did not just point out fact. He was very insulting and insinuating.
I have been here a long time. Even before this account. And many know that things were way different. And one thing I don’t play is victim. And I’ve credited this board to many changes I have made, have admitted my fault many many times. I have no qualms with doing that. When I have had fault.
But you are certainly entitled to how your perception of how you feel and see things. I respect how you feel and that you view me in a poor light.
You are right though. I don’t want newbies to be afraid to post. So I’ll step back if my “attacking” is scary.
I am really OK, B. No deep end for me. I just speak what people behind the scenes won’t. And that’s not for everyone.
I’ll bow out. It’s time. I’m happy. I’m too
I'm not going to do this with you G. I've watched a pattern of you asking for proof when you don't want to own something. You are well able to go back and review your own posts to see which one I am referring to. To ask me to post is to create more red herrings so you don't have to do the work yourself.
Your response to me here in fact proves my point about you playing the victim. I view your actions in a poor light. I do not view you in a poor light. Own your actions. Review again what I said - You're better than the way you behaved.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
B- I respectfully disagree and just don’t want to get into it anymore. I own my actions. I just happen to stand by them. You don’t have to anything with me . You made up your mind about how i “behaved”. Maybe I’m not the person you thought I was. The good news is I am the one who has to get up everyday and look at myself the mirror and I can do that.
