Up down and all around

[BL42]

Ginger1,

She did tell me when I checked in with her that she “forgot “ about the stuff she knew about her dad and doubts what she saw was correct. Sigh. I warned her it might come out. I hope it will happen after she leaves for college . That man will get away with everything forever . But it is what it is. I’m trying to keep her in reality without freaking her out.

Seemed like a pretty significant item which you wouldn't just "forget". Do you think she might just not want to deal with it (understandable for a teenager not having to deal with adult problems) or is it possible what she saw wasn't as significant as what she thought?

[Ginger1]

BL, yeah, I think she just doesn’t want to deal with it. If things feel fine and normal it’s better to ignore it I imagine. And she only deals every other weekend and one night a week. And that one night a week is dinner, maybe playing a card game and bed. If she was there more often I think it would bother her more.

We were driving to and from the dentist yesterday and chatting. We began talking about my new job. She said to me “dad was kind of upset you didn’t tell dad about your promotion personally” I told her when she was on vacation with him and I figured she would tell him. She did and another time he came on FaceTime to congratulate me. Apparent he also mentioned how he told me personally when he became Sargent .

I dunno, he is just not the person I want to tell my good/bad news to. He hasn’t been that person for quite some time now

[kml]

He’s creepy.

[BL42]

Ginger1,

I dunno, he is just not the person I want to tell my good/bad news to. He hasn’t been that person for quite some time now

Unless a notification for change of employer/job is explicitly written into the divorce agreement, you are under no obligation whatsoever to share this information with ExH.

She said to me “dad was kind of upset you didn’t tell dad about your promotion personally” I told her when she was on vacation with him and I figured she would tell him.

IMO, it's alright to tell your daughter the above as opposed to making an excuse about going through her because they were on vacation - it's maybe a little thing but would model to her you stick up for yourself and boundaries as opposed to feeling obligated to do something just because it otherwise upset ExH.

[job]

I agree w/BL42....you do not need to tell him your employment and/or personal business unless it directly affects child support, relocating, etc. w/your daughter. It is none of his business. He gave that right up long ago w/the divorce.

Ginger, set your boundaries w/respect to your xh. He does not need to know your business.

[Ginger1]

Today my D turned 15 years old. I cannot believe that she is 15 . I stayed up last night and decorated because she still loves waking up to her balloons and fan fare. Her dad and I were supposed to take her to dinner tonight, but instead he brought dinner to us and we hung out, ate, played cards, and had cake. I know certain people want to make fun of me for doing this . But it’s her birthday, it makes her happy and I’m fine with it. The only thing that hit me a bit was this morning when I sent a picture to him he said “ I can’t believe beautiful OUR daughter is. He’s never called her our daughter. I guess it’s always been my daughter and his daughter. For 14 years and 6 months we have been raising her separately. Not like the husband and wife who went through IVF to have their baby. Just 2 people who each have a kid who happens to be the same kid. But that feeling I got over super fast. Tomorrow night is dinner with my dad and his wife and her bestie.

I was thinking about a back and forth on another posters thread about how there is a “wrong” way and a “right” way to date. I don’t think that’s true. And just because I am single doesn’t mean I’m “wrong” honestly, I don’t think I am doing anything wrong. For a few years now I went on a lot of first and second dates that went no where. Just dating. No chance to even “mess” things up. These people weren’t for me, and I wasn’t for them. I called myself “exclusive” after a few dates with someone. Big deal. I didn’t date anyone else at the same time. Certainly wasn’t down the downfall. I didn’t commit to him. No love lost. For some people, they can focus on a bunch of people. Other people can’t and it clouds their feelings. All of us are different and none of us are wrong. Some of us are just mean.

I am single. I am single not because I’m bad at dating or violating “rules” I am single because I haven’t found my match. Is it a longer period of time than everyone else? Sure. But I never had 50:50 custody or parents who could help or a conventional job. I literally couldn’t date for so long. No, I never had a night in shining armor swoop in and want to love me and my daughter. It didn’t happen. And not because I’m broken or I date wrong” simply because it didn’t happen.
I will likely be single for at least the next few years or even perhaps forever. But in my heart I know it’s not because I’m defective. I’m great just as I am. Always room to improve but I am really happy with who I am, how I treat others , and I am getting better at treating myself the way I truly deserve

[LH19]

Today my D turned 15 years old. I cannot believe that she is 15 .

Happy belated birthday to little G

Her dad and I were supposed to take her to dinner tonight, but instead he brought dinner to us and we hung out, ate, played cards, and had cake. I know certain people want to make fun of me for doing this . But it’s her birthday, it makes her happy and I’m fine with it.

I think everyone should strive for this relationship with their ex. For some people it is too soon. You have had 14 years I would be shocked if you weren't in this place.

I was thinking about a back and forth on another posters thread about how there is a “wrong” way and a “right” way to date. I don’t think that’s true.

I agree. Do what works. If something isn't working change it up.

And just because I am single doesn’t mean I’m “wrong” honestly, I don’t think I am doing anything wrong.

Well establishing rules and breaking these rules that were established for a reason I would categorize as "wrong". No?

For a few years now I went on a lot of first and second dates that went no where. Just dating. No chance to even “mess” things up. These people weren’t for me, and I wasn’t for them.

Yep. These while frustrating are good practice.

I called myself “exclusive” after a few dates with someone. Big deal. I didn’t date anyone else at the same time.

Nothing wrong with exclusivity. Why label it? Why not slowly just get to know someone?

For some people, they can focus on a bunch of people. Other people can’t and it clouds their feelings. All of us are different and none of us are wrong.

I agree.

Some of us are just mean.

Yep I would think DNJ would agree with you.

I am single. I am single not because I’m bad at dating or violating “rules” I am single because I haven’t found my match.

I agree with you. Your rules violations just bring you more pain.

I will likely be single for at least the next few years or even perhaps forever. But in my heart I know it’s not because I’m defective. I’m great just as I am. Always room to improve but I am really happy with who I am, how I treat others , and I am getting better at treating myself the way I truly deserve

Forever seems like a mighty long time.

[bttrfly]

Some of us are just mean.

Yep I would think DNJ would agree with you.

Spit take.
Good one, LH

[Ginger1]

Some of us are just mean.

Yep I would think DNJ would agree with you.

Spit take.
Good one, LH

DnJ isn’t exactly the Mr. Nice he would like everyone to believe. But he’s doing a good job of snowing people . It’s easy with words on a forum to be nice or mean.

I stand by everything in this situation. And LH agrees offline.

[AndrewP]

I am single.

I was chewing on this for a bit this morning.

You aren't really an outlier although perhaps it may look like it. There's a number of single mothers of my acquaintance who have been single for quite a few years. I can't speak for them, but the impression I get is that finding a partner is pretty far down their priority list compared to being a Mom and human being.