So I’m freaking out a little. What if I hate it? I am not even afraid at failing at it. I’m just afraid I’m going to miss everyone and the patient contact and the joking around with the ruses on the unit .
I know, I know, I got what I want and I should be happy, but I am scared to get out of my comfort zone. I’m afraid to make a wrong decision. Afraid to take the small piece of stability out of my life. I’m just praying I am making the right decision. I just doubt myself too much.
You and I have talked about this off board quite a bit, and I feel like every time you get close to this, you run from it...
Why do you feel that you lack the self -confidence to self validate yourself, in almost every aspect of your life. ???
Why do you continuously seek that ever elusive approval ??
Cause until you can deal with 'her/them', you are always going to 'feel' this way....
Until you can find peace within yourself, you are never going to be comfortable enough to appreciate what you can be for yourself....
It's time G.....just F-ing do it already....
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Some older guys bought me a beer and chatted. Then I went home and cried and cried and cried until my eyes swelled shut. I am 42 years old and this has become torture. I find someone that is awesome and he’s not ready. And I cannot find one decent person who isn’t a train wreck. And I think it’s making me a train wreck. I psychoanalyze every guy I meet. I don’t even know where to give concession to anymore. I don’t think I can ever trust a guy to make me feel safe and loved
You meet the same guy every couple weeks, in the same way, do the same things, feel the same way about the direction of things, say that you are going to follow the same rules, then break the same rules, it ends the same way, and you feel the same way afterward, and then group them into the same category, say you aren't going to date again, date again the next week...
Rinse , Later, Repeat...
And yet you don't see how any of this ties together...
It ALL stems from the validation issues and approval seeking that you crave and refuse to acknowledge.
You anal-ize them because internally, you are wanting for something to jump out at you and tell you that he is the one, or yep, she would approve, or yes, this(he) makes me feel good enough about myself to be confident...
Your answer to all of that , lies within yourself...
The scary part is that you have allowed yourself to become "okay" with all of that, because it's easier than facing yourself...
The problem that I have learned with online dating is.....that you can NEVER see the heart of the person...
Their conviction, morals, character, and what they are when the schidt hits the fan....
That ^^^ can't be encapsulated in a dating profile....swipe left, swipe right. ....bullsh!t...
Have we really been reduced as a society to judge anther person merely by this....sad actually...
So attraction is based on what you see, and what is presented. who cares if it is a profile picture from 5 years ago....
Seeing the heart of another person takes time to develop.
The connection, is what drives us to find out what the heart is....
And you cannot govern 'affairs of the heart' with "rules"...
So your attraction is based off of your eyes, and not your heart....
Yet, your FIRST attraction should be yourself....
What you posted up there ^^^ could have been any post from 2016. 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021 from you.....
When do you want this to end ???
Cause you are the only one that has the power to do so....
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So today I got offered the job of assistant manager of care management at my other hospital.
Congratulations!!! That's wonderful!
Originally Posted by Ginger1
The raise wasn’t nearly what I thought it would be, but it’s something .
Can you tell them "I'm very excited for the position, but was hoping the raise would be X...are you able to offer more?". Sometimes a simple innocent question can result in more $. Worst case they say "no". I was literally just having a conversation with my uncle on the beach this week about how the people who negotiate upfront early in their careers statistically end up with way more compensation in the same position down the line.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I know, I know, I got what I want and I should be happy, but I am scared to get out of my comfort zone. I’m afraid to make a wrong decision. Afraid to take the small piece of stability out of my life. I’m just praying I am making the right decision. I just doubt myself too much.
I recently had a career discussion with my director. He told me he's glad to hear I'm "happy" in my current position but not happy to hear I'm "comfortable". His point of view is learning and growth come from placing ourselves outside of our comfort zones. Who knows where it might lead. It's natural to have some uneasiness about an unknown but it can often lead to great opportunities.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Then I went home and cried and cried and cried until my eyes swelled shut. I am 42 years old and this has become torture.
Sorry :-/
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I find someone that is awesome and he’s not ready.
It seemed to me that you didn't know him long enough to know whether he's awesome. Everyone has their fault which come out over time, and him still being married was a big red flag. You knew that going in, but wanted it not to be the case.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I am actually excited for my new role. It’s going to be great on my resume either way. I’m hoping it helps me secure employment when I move. Because I’m still moving.
Awesome! Great attitude.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Im in Atlantic City for a few days with my cousin and her family. Had a nice beach day today, good dinner, and won some money playing black jack.
Did you see any of the air show?!?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Ginger, I'm sorry you came home from your date crying. I wonder if it was partly your job uncertainty? Of course, most new people we meet aren't going to become lovers or good friends. Those outcomes are exceptions, not the norm.
You've cried over first dates before. I wonder why you expect---need?--these dates to be more. My life is about my kids, my adventures, and my charity. I have a BFF I call to talk about big developments in my life. My happy. My grounding. A first date is just meeting someone new--sometimes it's fun, good conversation, or sex. Often it's just hearing about someone else's journey while on a walk or taking a drink. Expecting more makes me wonder if you're over the last guy or can strengthen one of those other areas of your life--go on an adventure, deepen a friendship, or daily gratitude. So dates are just dates!
I’m going to open up a new thread later. Just quickly,
I didnt cry over the date. It was just the one thing that sent me over the edge of the stress I’ve been under. I’ve been repressing a lot of feelings lately and they just came out. That certainly wasn’t over this Dbag. I’m blessed with deep friendship, i have my small hobbies I don’t need adventures . I good there. I just have to much on my plate and sometimes we just need to have the nervous breakdown we deserve . I don’t like to cram so many things into every minute of my day. My job isn’t flexible, I have to be at work for 8 hours a day. My child is with me for 80% of the time. I just need a breather, really. And again, dating is really tough for women and our “fun experience” is different. These guys have a goal. Sex. It gets uncomfortable and degrading .
BL- I was one day late for the air show! I was supposed to be there but I couldn’t get the day off. They said it was awesome . My cousin has a house in ventnor by the beach. Where I happen to be again today . Her poor son broke both of his arms down here. He’s a trooper though. He loves the air show.
I did negotiate and I got one 1% higher than they were offering. They admitted when you move internally it’s much harder to negotiate than when you come from the outside. Still more than I’m making now.
For now, beaching it, then dinner, then a little more gambling.
I’m not LH’s type. He has a thing for rail thin overly tan blondes. I don’t fit the bill. Too much junk in my trunk
You forgot big boobs.
I call BS on both of you!
LH is hiding behind fake tanned fake blondes and their big fake boobs. Super G is lookin for love in all the wrong places.
You two need to admit your feelings for each other and work this $h!t out over a hot, steamy weekend in the Pokonos. . . perhaps in one of those champagne glass bathtubs .... order room service to sustain yourselves. Ya'll can thank me later ....
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Super G is lookin for love in all the wrong places.
G moves way to fast for me. Deep talks and exclusivity after two dates is not my style.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
You two need to admit your feelings for each other and work this $h!t out over a hot, steamy weekend in the Pokonos. . . perhaps in one of those champagne glass bathtubs .... order room service to sustain yourselves. Ya'll can thank me later ....
It's funny you should bring up the Pokonos, I was just recommending it to my boss this week. Me and EXW had a really great time their many moons ago with the champagne glass bathtub.
I’m not LH’s type. He has a thing for rail thin overly tan blondes. I don’t fit the bill. Too much junk in my trunk
You forgot big boobs.
I call BS on both of you!
LH is hiding behind fake tanned fake blondes and their big fake boobs. Super G is lookin for love in all the wrong places.
You two need to admit your feelings for each other and work this $h!t out over a hot, steamy weekend in the Pokonos. . . perhaps in one of those champagne glass bathtubs .... order room service to sustain yourselves. Ya'll can thank me later ....
I just don’t think he could handle a woman like me. Plus, cottage cheese is his favorite good and he drinks Michelob ultra.
My ex and I did those poconos places twice. They are actually a lot of fun!!!
I didn’t think it was possible for me to agree with bttrfly even more but I totally thought everything she just wrote so yeah. In LH’s defense, Mich Ultra is pretty good!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
