Cheaters gonna cheat

[Ginger1]

Also, when a person wants to hang out with their friends, go to the gym or participate in a hobby, they make time for it, right? Does it just fit into empty spots on the calendar ? Nah, you move stuff around for the things you want.

And if a guy really wants to date, he will do the same. If it’s something they really don’t care about, they won’t. Same for women. You can only expect the best quality from the time you make for your friends and hobbies. Same goes for someone who is looking for a quality partner

[LH19]

I’m still confused. Pretty much all four relationships I was in that when to exclusivity consisted of two nights per week on a good week. 95% of the time it included sex. Not one girl ever said “ you only want to see me when you want sex”. Is it possible you are making assumptions?

[Ginger1]

I’m still confused. Pretty much all four relationships I was in that when to exclusivity consisted of two nights per week on a good week. 95% of the time it included sex. Not one girl ever said “ you only want to see me when you want sex”. Is it possible you are making assumptions?

When you began talking to these woman, was it all about sex? Did you get to know eachother first? Or just talk about how you really have no time, but want to get together?

NOt assumptions. They have been pretty clear

[Ginger1]

Oh looks, he’s calling them relationships! Exclusive before the 2 month mark, this a first!!!!!!

[LH19]

I’m still confused. Pretty much all four relationships I was in that when to exclusivity consisted of two nights per week on a good week. 95% of the time it included sex. Not one girl ever said “ you only want to see me when you want sex”. Is it possible you are making assumptions?

When you began talking to these woman, was it all about sex? Did you get to know eachother first? Or just talk about how you really have no time, but want to get together?

NOt assumptions. They have been pretty clear

Ok so you and these dudes are talking sex right out of the gate. I get it now.

[LH19]

Oh looks, he’s calling them relationships! Exclusive before the 2 month mark, this a first!!!!!!

I have agreed to exclusivity in the past prior to the 2 month mark when asked and I was prepared to abide by the agreement.

Never after two dates though.

[Elbereth]

My assumption is that OLD is not broken, I think it takes longer than one thinks to weed out the bad ones and find the gems. There are people looking for love and long term relationships out there, as many of our posters are doing OLD an looking for those things. You can’t say a bag of apples are all bad if just a few of them are. Each apple is still it’s own apple and it grew at it’s own pace. It may have come from the best part of the tree or the worst…all ending up in the same bag. But those apples are not equal.

There are guys out there who value their partners and are growing and would make good life “partners”. I truly believe that. But I do think you will not see those guys right away in the OLD pool or otherwise. What you see in people when you first meet them is not the real person. It’s only after time and familiarity do someone’s true nature become visible. It’s true for all of us. So you really cannot judge everyone by what you see before you really get to know someone. And that takes time. It also takes events to happen that also show someone’s character (hopefully events that are difficult or challenging).

From your threads, it seems you are basing your ‘failed attempts’ on very short relationships. Being intimate too soon also can cloud one’s judgement of someone because you get attached to them even if they are not worthy in other ways (or the hormones make you ‘forgive’ some things you normally would not). Have you considered trying to date more than one guy at a time for at least 3-5 dates each and not being intimate with any of them until at least 15-20 dates? To me, if a guy really likes you for you, he will be willing to wait for intimacy and wait to be exclusive with you. If he is really only after sex or isn’t really relationship material, seems that you will find that out before the end of 15-20 dates, and because you are not exclusive, you will still be exploring other options and not feeling as bad about it (you will have other distractions). You will have others to explore and compare as well, all knowledge to bring you closer to what you really want in someone. This is what I am planning to do when I start dating in the next few months. And I think I will use a dating coach because I do not trust my picker (I’m also considering a matchmaker, but leaning more towards a coach). I’d rather take things slow than end up with someone of poor character again. I’ve also learned that we allow people to treat us the way they do…and people are not always sincere and honest. So, taking it slower and not rushing is a smart way to weed out those guys that are not worth commitment.

Anyway, I think you are amazing. You have so much to offer. You are smart, you have grit, you are funny, and you are so loving. And that is just naming a few things about you that are obvious on this board. I know you are frustrated that you have not found someone yet. That you feel ‘rejected’ on some levels. That something must be wrong with you. But do you have proof that any of the guys that rejected you were really worthy of you? Or that something is wrong with you? I think most of those guys fell away because they were not worthy of you. You say you will not settle. But the way you describe the ending of many of these relationships speaks more that you feel rejected or frustrated instead of empowered and hopeful that each one of these guys out of the way leaves room to find the right one for you. Not settling is an action isn’t it? Doesn’t not settling mean that you are still searching? Giving up or taking a break is not the same thing as not settling to me. Maybe you do need a break…a break to get back into yourself, to rediscover your worthiness, and to reintroduce yourself back to your bad@ss empowered amazing and deserving of a worthy partner self. Then you get back out there and search for a guy worthy of you.

(((Ginger1)))

El

[bttrfly]

I think Super G and LH should just admit how they really feel about each other, get a room and work out all this sexual tension in the vein of that old Charley Rich song, "Behind Closed Doors"

chick
a
Bow
Wow

[Ginger1]

I’m not LH’s type. He has a thing for rail thin overly tan blondes. I don’t fit the bill. Too much junk in my trunk

I am going to make a separate post for your post E. I have been thinking a lot on it .

So today I got offered the job of assistant manager of care management at my other hospital . The raise wasn’t nearly what I thought it would be, but it’s something . I can keep my job per Diem though where I work now currently for some extra $$$

I’m not as excited as I thought I would be. First, 2 of the people I told asked if the cost of the commute ( not far, just not around the corner) is just going to cancel out the raise. Like it wasn’t a “wow, that’s awesome response “ then people know how much I really do love my current hospital and the people who work there so they ask “is it worth it?”

So I’m freaking out a little. What if I hate it? I am not even afraid at failing at it. I’m just afraid I’m going to miss everyone and the patient contact and the joking around with the ruses on the unit .

I know, I know, I got what I want and I should be happy, but I am scared to get out of my comfort zone. I’m afraid to make a wrong decision. Afraid to take the small piece of stability out of my life. I’m just praying I am making the right decision. I just doubt myself too much.

On another note. I had a nervous breakdown last night , lol. I went on a date. Good looking guy. Good banter and connection on text. OMG. The date was torture. He literally spoke about himself the whole time. Bragging about everything . Talking about the beautiful successful women he’s dated. Obsessing over the fact he’s “ skinny” now ( gained weight during covid and lost it). I literally sat there, at my good and stared at Him the whole time. I actually said to him “ why the F are you out with me? “ and he laughed and kept talking.

And he actually wanted to see me again! And I actually said “why, you didn’t get to know anything about me ?” He laughed! It was insane . I actually went and grabbed a beer at the bar. Some older guys bought me a beer and chatted. Then I went home and cried and cried and cried until my eyes swelled shut. I am 42 years old and this has become torture. I find someone that is awesome and he’s not ready. And I cannot find one decent person who isn’t a train wreck. And I think it’s making me a train wreck. I psychoanalyze every guy I meet. I don’t even know where to give concession to anymore. I don’t think I can ever trust a guy to make me feel safe and loved.

Negative post with good news today and that’s sad. I am actually excited for my new role. It’s going to be great on my resume either way. I’m hoping it helps me secure employment when I move. Because I’m still moving.

I just feel unsettled and anxious. However,
Im in Atlantic City for a few days with my cousin and her family. Had a nice beach day today, good dinner, and won some money playing black jack. I needed a distraction. I’m not ready to think about the details yet

[LH19]

I’m not LH’s type. He has a thing for rail thin overly tan blondes. I don’t fit the bill. Too much junk in my trunk

You forgot big boobs.

I know, I know, I got what I want and I should be happy, but I am scared to get out of my comfort zone. I’m afraid to make a wrong decision. Afraid to take the small piece of stability out of my life. I’m just praying I am making the right decision. I just doubt myself too much.

Fortune favors the bold!

On another note. I had a nervous breakdown last night , lol. I went on a date. Good looking guy. Good banter and connection on text. OMG. The date was torture. He literally spoke about himself the whole time. Bragging about everything . Talking about the beautiful successful women he’s dated. Obsessing over the fact he’s “ skinny” now ( gained weight during covid and lost it). I literally sat there, at my good and stared at Him the whole time. I actually said to him “ why the F are you out with me? “ and he laughed and kept talking.

The definition of insanity is..................?

Then I went home and cried and cried and cried until my eyes swelled shut.

It's good to cleanse it right out of the system.

I am 42 years old and this has become torture.

So how can we change it up?

I find someone that is awesome and he’s not ready.

Well married people typically are not ready to date. I believe it is one of your rules no?

And I cannot find one decent person who isn’t a train wreck.

Well you can but you are typically not attracted to those kind of men.

And I think it’s making me a train wreck.

So Tinder is making you a train wreck? Hmmm maybe delete it?

I psychoanalyze every guy I meet.

You should vet every guy you meet to see if he is a match.

I don’t even know where to give concession to anymore.

Really?

I don’t think I can ever trust a guy to make me feel safe and loved.

Ever?

Negative post with good news today and that’s sad.

It is sad. This is because your entire outlook on life revolves around your love life.

I am actually excited for my new role. It’s going to be great on my resume either way. I’m hoping it helps me secure employment when I move. Because I’m still moving.

Best thing you wrote today!

I just feel unsettled and anxious. However, Im in Atlantic City for a few days with my cousin and her family. Had a nice beach day today, good dinner, and won some money playing black jack. I needed a distraction. I’m not ready to think about the details yet

Stay in the moment! Enjoy your time away!