I imagine ExH getting remarried caused some spin. I know it's said on here we should completely detach to the point where we don't care at all what our Exs do, but imo that's in an ideal world whereas in reality most or perhaps all of us feel something. Sounds like you're brushing yourself off and focusing on the right things so hang in there!
Originally Posted by kml
And remember, the OW didn’t win any prize! Wherever he goes, there he is!
^Indeed.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Thanks, BL42. I’m trying to be strong about it and detach and not think about it too much. It surprises me how hard that is to do with this news, even after all this time apart and with minimal contact. Logically I realize that my XH is no prize and that he will continue to blame others for his unhappiness, but a part of me cannot stop thinking about him/them. Even as I’ve been feeling so much stronger and positive in my journey, I’ve been having a lot more feelings about this than expected. I am assuming I’m still suffering from some trauma bonds.
I feel strongly that this marriage is part of the fantasy of their relationship. As mentioned earlier in my thread, they had a relationship in college and my XH had wanted to marry her back then and the relationship collapsed (for many reasons) and for him, this relationship had been one that he hadn’t healed from. So they have this fantasy that they married the wrong people and they are reliving their past. So to be getting married now contributes to that narrative. It was expected honestly…but I just didn’t expect it so soon.
In the past, their relationship had issues, so I feel once the love hormones wear off, and reality sets in, they both will realize that neither one of them got a prize. I do not think the relationship will last long term. They are isolated from many friends and family, and they have a relationship built on lies and destruction. I think they are trying very hard to validate what they did by marrying each other. Like “see, we were meant to be together, so the collateral damage to others was necessary”. Or maybe in some mixed up way they think they can avoid the other cheating on them by marrying. I’m not even sure his family members are aware of the marriage…at least no one reached out to give me a heads up. No one knew he wanted a divorce from me either, until it was a done deal, so I think he is avoiding consulting with his family because he knows on some level what he’s doing is wrong and doesn’t want to hear it. Easier to do what he wants away from others that dissapprove or point out the truth.
I don’t know. I just need to stop thinking about them and stop caring. He’s made his bed and he gets to lay in it. I need to keep doing things that bring me closer to my goals and my healing. I need to expect their will be triggers like this periodically, and I need to do things that counter the feelings that come up. I’ve been doing so well, and I don’t want this to derail me. I can’t let their circus derail me. But it is hard to ignore the “he’s so happy with his new life” and other such feelings.
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
I don’t know. I just need to stop thinking about them and stop caring. He’s made his bed and he gets to lay in it. I need to keep doing things that bring me closer to my goals and my healing. I need to expect their will be triggers like this periodically, and I need to do things that counter the feelings that come up. I’ve been doing so well, and I don’t want this to derail me. I can’t let their circus derail me. But it is hard to ignore the “he’s so happy with his new life” and other such feelings.
There is a reason that your windshield is so big and the rear view mirror is so small ....
Found out my XH is marrying OW today. Came in a social media email notification. Kind of knew it might happen but was surprised that it’s happening so soon. They have lived together only a little over one year. And our divorce was only finalized about a month ago.
For the statistically minded among us:
50% of first marriages end in divorce 65% of second marriages end in divorce 75% of third marriages end in divorce
Why? Because the vast majority of those second and third marriages which end in divorce begin less than 5 years after the previous marriage ends.
I wouldn't take those odds.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
I guess they are working hard to fulfill the fantasy of their relationship. I’m okay. I think. Just feels strange and adds to those feelings of not being valued and loved the way I deserved. They really wasted no time.
El
I'm sorry. I know how it feels when your ex marries someone else. I'll leave it with "not good" ... sending you hugs. I hope that in no time at all you will realize how lucky you are to be free of that mess.
xoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Yeah, I’ve read the odds of success for their type of MR. It happens to be slightly higher considering they knew each other and dated in the past, but it’s still not good. I do believe it will eventually fail, or they will live in misery with each other longer term. Unless I really didn’t know my XH at all, I really do not get how they fit together. Geez, he’s an athiest and she’s super religious. So that alone would cause conflict.
I logically realize I am lucky to be away from my XH. But I can’t help feeling the feelings I’ve been having…knowing they are triggers, insecurities, trauma, etc. I am looking forward to the day when news like this doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve come far, but still on that journey.
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
