Tinder seems to have a reputation as being for hookups, I don't know why you would waste your time on there when there are other OLD services without that reputation.
I’m sorry things didn’t work out. I don’t blame you for taking a chance. I think CW makes a fair point that if your life was enriched by the experience then it could be an overall positive. Maybe he’ll circle back and maybe he won’t and maybe you won’t even want him to. For me, it was a good lesson that you CAN show your vulnerable side to someone and feel good about it.
As far as the job situation, you’re awesome and everyone knows it, so go for those opportunities. If you don’t try, the answer will always be no.
You’re awesome! Now go do something fun!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Thanks so much dawn he may circle back, he may not, and I may not even be interested. Who knows. I absolutely enjoyed my time with him. I just hate having it taken away.
Yesterday I went to the beach and a concert, today a nice bike ride on the boardwalk and now mani pedi.
Unfortunately a blood vessel broke in my eye and it looks kind of funky. Oh well.
Got the rest of the week off, Time to sort out my major life stuff I need some mental energy for
Today I’m feeling sad. I know it was only a few weeks, but there are different qualities vs. quantity. Our time together was great. So it’s hard to go out on a great note.
Today I bench pressed 105lbs for 4 reps and he would have been the first one to tell who would actually care, lol. He liked to hear about my gym accomplishments. He appreciated my strength and drive .
I get that he SEEMED great. If he really IS, he'll show back up at some later date. But understand that you didn't know him long enough to know if he was REALLY as good as he seemed or not. So go about your life and trust that anything that was actually meant to be will come back to you sometime.
I agree, KML. I only know what I know from the time we were seeing eachother. And I tried to live in the moment. Maybe is really great, maybe he isn't. And I agree, if it's meant to be, it will be. I don't try to hold onto anything so desperately anymore. I'm trusting the universe.
Well, I applied for another job. I mentioned the switcheroo everyone was making between the 2 hospitals. I applied the the supervisor position at my per diem hospital. It's a much bigger hospital so there are a few supervisors. I don't know if anyone over there applied as well.
I do know I am qualified in the sense I do all facets of the job, where as the caremanagers over there do not. A concern of why I wouldn't get it is because I am their strongest per diem player over there who does everything. I hope they don't put that in the equation when they consider me. And a plus is I worked with the new director who encouraged me to come over. SHe even said she does need my help as they have a bigger expectation of her over there than advertised and she is already drowning.
More rejection might stink, but I would regret not trying.
More rejection might stink, but I would regret not trying.
That seems to be a theme...
I've been contemplating chiming in but I honestly don't have anything major to say. I can't really criticize this latest attempt at love. I don't think anything you did really influenced the outcome. He did seem like a decent guy - right to the end of being mature and upstanding in the way he ended it. Did it all just get too real too fast for him? it may have and that may be the only thing you could have done differently - kept it slower so he didn't get overwhelmed and at a pace he could deal with and just let everything grow slowly without him feeling it. Sorta like the frogged theory. Turn up the heat and the frog jumps out. Slowly increase the heat day by day and he never knows.
Is he really changing his ways and looking at what he's done in the past and wanting to do better? Sure, he could but human nature would be more like, "I'm so into this girl and so attracted to her that I can't stop." Maybe he bailed before that happened.
That's more often how it goes, which brings it all back to the above quote - it feels like rejection. How could it not. It's not, mind you, but I'm sure it feels that way. Plus it feels unfinished. It's one thing when you're getting on each other's nerves and looking less and less forward to the next date. But that never happened. It was all going great until he blinked.
Does that mean he was this great guy, the one? No it really doesn't. There's more there that you would have found in time. You just didn't get to - and I totally identify with that.
About the only thing you may have done different is just been totally honest with yourself. You tried to tell us and I'm sure convince yourself, it was just fun, you were just enjoying the time together and whatever happened would happened - no biggie. But the truth was you were really falling for this guy. You probably knew it but didn't want to admit it to yourself and certainly not to us. That's the hard part of it all. What you could have done different is really held back knowing he was a higher than average risk for exactly what happened. But that's way easier said than done.
So you had a great time for a few months but now sorta have to pay the price. If it feels worth it then it was. If you're more upset and sad, and will be for more months, then it might not have been worth that cost. It just sux when you get to experience something pretty great but then have it taken away from you. That has happened to me a few times. No big fights, no drama, none of that - just a short term R that ended nearly as quickly as it started. But I'm not looking for the happily ever after so while it still does feel unfinished, it was still fun and worth it to me. For me, someone in the transition phase might be okay because I'm not setting out for the big R - I'll just accept it if it happens (at least I like to think I will) but if you know that's what you want, then yeah, you probably should have stuck to your rules because he was high risk for exactly what happened.
But like I said, you really did pretty well this time, yeah, too much too fast again but within a reasonable amount. It just feels like it got taken away too soon and that feels like rejection.
Told you I didn't have any major things to say. I am sorry though. I know it hurts.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I’ve been wanting to comment but I feel at this point you don’t want to hear anything I have to say.
Don pretty much covered everything I wanted to say so I thought I would just focus on the dreaded evil here “RULES”.
There is a reason for rules in all aspects of life. Typically we have rules because human beings have a hard time controlling themselves. The only thing worse than rules are “DATING RULES”. People learn things from books all the time in school, college work etc. but for some crazy reason dating rules are icky. Not being too available, not having more than one date a week for the first month. Even though people have been doing research I these things for many years.
It blows it comes to this because you would think that people coming out of marriages would know exactly what to in the midlife dating scene.
Anyho, great news about the gym and the new job! That’s where the focus should be and the rest will work itself out.
Hi Don. Thanks. You pretty much nailed it. It just feels unfinished which stinks and going out on a high note stinks. It’s much easier when you end things because you don’t like eachother anymore, lol. He developed feelings and he knows he shouldn’t be in a relationship now. He is someone who likes to be in one and he does feel like he ended up in this short term not so good marriage because he went from his LTR to her. I really do give him props for making an effort to not let that happen again. He wants the slate to be clean first. It just stinks for me:
LH, I’m pretty sure you violated your rules in your current R. I won’t get into the details here for sake of your privacy. But what you say other women shouldn’t do, she does. And I saw him 4 times in 5 weeks. And if we went at some rule of pace “one date per week” what difference would that have made? Absolutely none. The outcome would have been the same. I don’t think the fact we had 2 date in the same week changed anything.
Moving fast to me is meeting friends and family and making the person a part of your life. Not a matter of how many dates you have in a week. And fortunately/unfortunately, I cannot just sit there for a few weeks and keep conversation to music hobbies, and how my day at work was. I need depth and conversation and that happens early on. Because there is nothing without it. And I’m super easy to talk to. So I do get to know and connect with people on a more personal level ( friends and dates) faster than most. And yes, that leads to a quicker, slightly deeper connection. That I cannot help. Nor do I want to change it . I would bang my head against a table if all we spoke about was hobbies and work for weeks.
Truth be told….. I haven’t really had feelings with or connected with anyone since M. And that ended 3 years ago nearly to the day. Many dates, a few weeks with some guys, but I felt dead inside with just about all them. And funny, many swung back around at some point. Even Texan . But the ones I didn’t want to swing back around. Actually, I can’t think of any I want to than this guy. But I’m it banking on it.
I do promise one rule I will never break again is dating separated men. Not good. The other day thing is most men my age on these apps are separated or very newly divorced. I’m a rarity who has been divorced for quite some time. I had one guy say he “ making up for lost time after 10 years of misery” because I like to bother these men a a bit I asked him to elaborate. Apparently he missed traveling and time with his friend. This equates to 10 years of misery which was basically being married and raising his kid. This is all I find in the dating pool. And I should probably refrain
he may circle back, he may not, and I may not even be interested. Who knows. I absolutely enjoyed my time with him. I just hate having it taken away.