Stuck in limbo III

[Ginger1]

LH is just going to tell you to hit the gym .

[LH19]

LH is just going to tell you to hit the gym .

Correct the gym/Cross-Fit etc. should be a given to help attract members of the opposite sex.

[Doug54]

Just the same, I always welcome input from LH19, though he sounds like a high roller.

Yep I need more clarification on what you mean before I respond.

Lol. The "high roller" comment was just a half-arsed attempt at humor...meaning GALing for LH19 would probably be boating off Martha's Vineyard, jetting to Vegas, and buying a motorcycle. A lifestyle I couldn't exactly keep up with.

I know GALing doesn't have to be that ostentatious.

Hey LH19, do you happen to have any thoughts on what I wrote to Mach1 regarding the Five Love Languages book and W possibly being in the Words of Affirmation category? Do I even bother with that sort of thing or should I just treat W as a lost cause?

[LH19]

Lol. The "high roller" comment was just a half-arsed attempt at humor...meaning GALing for LH19 would probably be boating off Martha's Vineyard, jetting to Vegas, and buying a motorcycle.

I have actually done 2 of the 3.

I know GALing doesn't have to be that ostentatious.

My GAL now mostly consists of sitting on a beach, drinking some brews, listening to music with some awesome people.

Hey LH19, do you happen to have any thoughts on what I wrote to Mach1 regarding the Five Love Languages book and W possibly being in the Words of Affirmation category? Do I even bother with that sort of thing or should I just treat W as a lost cause?

I don't like it because you are kissing the a$$ of a person who is rejecting you and at least having an EA with another man. To me the book is for FUTURE relationships which may or may not include your W. Plus if you are just doing it to get her back she will smell it a mile away.

[Ginger1]

Just the same, I always welcome input from LH19, though he sounds like a high roller.

Yep I need more clarification on what you mean before I respond.

Lol. The "high roller" comment was just a half-arsed attempt at humor...meaning GALing for LH19 would probably be boating off Martha's Vineyard, jetting to Vegas, and buying a motorcycle. A lifestyle I couldn't exactly keep up with.

I know GALing doesn't have to be that ostentatious.

Hey LH19, do you happen to have any thoughts on what I wrote to Mach1 regarding the Five Love Languages book and W possibly being in the Words of Affirmation category? Do I even bother with that sort of thing or should I just treat W as a lost cause?

This is hilarious! The dude basically goes to the gym and drinks at his cottage

[Mach1]

Hey LH19, do you happen to have any thoughts on what I wrote to Mach1 regarding the Five Love Languages book and W possibly being in the Words of Affirmation category? Do I even bother with that sort of thing or should I just treat W as a lost cause?

I'm not LH, but I have been to a strip club or two...NOT on a moped though (does that count as your motorcycle purchase LH? )

The 5LL is one of those misleading things that I ask people to do.

I always recommend reading it twice....

Once shortly after a poster gets here...

And while they are reading it....most will get those little stings up the back of their neck, of the tings that they missed, or what they did wrong in the marriage.

For me, It was kind of like a "How I F'ed this up" manual...

Those 'stings' are the things that you don't like about yourself, and things that you should probably look into changing about yourself...

DISCLAIMER ....

Do NOT read it with the intention of suddenly speaking her love language....this isn't a 'love dare' post...

Read it for YOU...

First step into how you define what Love means to you....



The second time you read it ???

Get through the first time first.....

[SteveLW]

Doug, do you have hobbies? Sports you participate in? Male friends?

If no, no, and no, did you have any of that prior to marriage?

[LH19]

Just the same, I always welcome input from LH19, though he sounds like a high roller.

Yep I need more clarification on what you mean before I respond.

Lol. The "high roller" comment was just a half-arsed attempt at humor...meaning GALing for LH19 would probably be boating off Martha's Vineyard, jetting to Vegas, and buying a motorcycle. A lifestyle I couldn't exactly keep up with.

I know GALing doesn't have to be that ostentatious.

Hey LH19, do you happen to have any thoughts on what I wrote to Mach1 regarding the Five Love Languages book and W possibly being in the Words of Affirmation category? Do I even bother with that sort of thing or should I just treat W as a lost cause?

This is hilarious! The dude basically goes to the gym and drinks at his cottage

You are just mad because you never got an invite.

[Doug54]

Doug, do you have hobbies? Sports you participate in? Male friends?

If no, no, and no, did you have any of that prior to marriage?

Yes, although I lost a lot of my identity within the marriage. W complained a lot early on about me going out and doing stuff and leaving her behind with the kids. I assumed this was a casualty of married life, and largely curbed my social / fun stuff. If you recall from my initial post, I gained two young stepkids the day I got married (we all actually lived together for a year before the wedding date). Further to that point, W and I never developed much of a couples' life without kids. There were bits and pieces, but I'm sure that was a circumstance that contributed to being where we are today in the MR.

BL42 fairly said that it was on me for allowing that to happen - the loss of GAL on my behalf. Some things that fell by the wayside were coaching varsity baseball (though I replaced that with coaching my kids' teams), rec softball, ultimate frisbee, going out socially with work friends, and happy hour outings. Looking back, a lot of friend activities were absent for W too, replaced by kiddie responsibilities. That played a huge role in my unofficial diagnosis of MLC for W - the time has arrived for her to do things for *her* and not other people.

So, I am trying to reclaim some of the things I liked. I want to get involved with something charitable and hopefully consistent. I've been reconnecting (present tense) with several friends that sort of fell by the wayside. I get the concept and purpose of GAL and I wouldn't say it's not going well...I do wish I still lived near the beach now that Ginger and LH19 mention it. Grew up about a 40-minute drive away which has morphed into a 4-hour trek from where I now reside.

[BL42]

GALing for LH19 would probably be boating off Martha's Vineyard, jetting to Vegas, and buying a motorcycle.

I have actually done 2 of the 3.

My money's on Vegas & motorcycle.

My GAL now mostly consists of sitting on a beach, drinking some brews, listening to music with some awesome people.

There are certainly worse ways to spend your time!

Do NOT read it with the intention of suddenly speaking her love language....this isn't a 'love dare' post..

Doug54 - I read 5LL and Love Dare...neither saved my marriage. They're great resources to consume to improve for the future, regardless of what happens, just know it's no guarantee of your current situation.