And btw, a guy who is attractive , has decent job and car makes them “high status? “ I think it just makes them regular dudes.
Well your story changed from above from great career to decent job so that does just make him a regular dude. That means women will swipe right on him 4% of the time.
Fair enough. The he's not a woohoo guy got to me big time.
I am pulling for you. I am tired of hearing "you were right LH". lol
When I say something about a guy, it’s my current impression. I am not an idiot or new at this. I won’t know really who he is until we have been hanging out for a while. When I make a statement about his personality, its a real time observation. I’m still observing continually. Should I really always just date someone thinking they are a piece of poop? No. I give the benefit of the doubt and go from there.
I don’t know why accepting a second date in the same week is going 0-60? Because I didn’t turn him down when I was free and my daughter was away it’s 0-60? Schedules lined up which is never ever easy for me.
Vulnerability : talking about experiences that has shaped him.
How do I know he loves his family. He talks about them very positively, is close with his siblings and his parents. That again is the impression I get. I guess I don’t “know” but then again, I have no reason to not to think he doesn’t .
Isn’t this the stuff you assess for while dating? You talk, get to know eachother and then observe.
Guess what. Anytime I have followed my “rules” it has worked out well either.
Like dating anyone , it will either turn out well, or it won’t . It is what it is . For now, I enjoy spending time with him, he enjoys spending time with me. How do I know his interest is high? I mean, again, I’m not an idiot. He communicates. He asks me out, he plans dates, he thinks I’m beautiful. That’s how you guess someone’s interest level. How do you know the interest level of the woman you are dating LH? I imagine the same way.
And btw, a guy who is attractive , has decent job and car makes them “high status? “ I think it just makes them regular dudes.
I'm all fine with your explanations here but I have a question and hoping you can answer them honestly.
Why are you putting time/effort into someone who believes he needs to be single (which you agree) when you heart wants an honest committed relationship? IF timing is off - why do you bother?
Where you put your effort is where you will see the results and I don't mean dating more. I mean have your wants and needs and if someone has even the smallest thing off.. its "no thanks".
The more time you spend having fun with the wrong guy... the more time you are missing out with the right one.
I know you are frustrated with the dating experience and being single... but G... you are wasting your time with this one. He's just not ready... and you have told us time and again.. you ARE ready for more.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
V- I don’t feel as if I am wasting time because I am enjoying myself. And honestly, he is someone I would be friends with . I’m not committing myself to anything or putting too my effort or heart into it.
As far as “need to be single” It’s not so much his need to be single . It’s the need to settle into his new place on his own and deal with the divorce.
I swear we are just 2 people right now having lots of fun hanging out.
There is a creepy way of saying and a respectful way of saying he thinks I’m beautiful
I swear, this is what men in this era have to deal with. It’s even worse in an employed situation. You’re just an idiot male to even hint a co-worker looks nice today. How sad. But the truth is, one woman’s respectful is the next woman’s creepy. It is totally 100% subjective to the two women. But honestly as a guy who has to face this and would like to tell a woman, “wow, you look beautiful,” please explain the difference. How is one creepy and the next not?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I swear we are just 2 people right now having lots of fun hanging out.
And really, there is nothing wrong with that. I think what many of us are seeing and trying to get you to see is the drastic differences between what you say you want and what you say you will and will not do and what you say are dealbreakers or rules… when compared to your actions with the same. You even go as far as to say the very same actions when done by someone else are concerning, and a problem or just flat out wrong, but when you do them it’s somehow different and not a problem.
We are just trying to get you to see what we all see. It’s the wild inconsistency that is in question. HHH is wrong when LH does it and you want no part of it, until you do it. You’ve said over and over this is NOT what you want yet now you defend it and say it is.
What do you really deep down honestly want? I thought from all I’ve read from you that it is one long term committed man with a clear future that puts in the effort - not someone who just wants to HHH. This guy may be nice, may be fun but can only offer HHH.
Constancy. It’s about the lack of consistency. At least that’s what I see.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I agree with G about there being a creepy way to say someone is beautiful and a respectful way and it’s hard to explain the difference because it’s about context, at least in my opinion. If some drunk dude says it to me in a bar, I’m going to assume he’s saying it in jest as part of some awful joke with his buddies or he’s desperate to get something and thinks that will work. If someone is having a real, genuine conversation with me and says it, it’s not creepy at all. Context is key, at least for me.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Don- there has never been a man who has said “you look nice today” and I thought it was creepy. No one has ever said “you are beautiful” and I found it creepy. “You are totally hot” or “super sexy “ when we have not connected on that level is creepy. I hope that explains it.
What I want right now is to enjoy time with someone. I’m not staring ahead at the future. So far he has shown me interest, consistency, ability to plan dates , etc. and it’s funny how the double standard is when a guy does do that he is “desperate and needy” and when they don’t do that they are “emotionally unavailable”
I think it is also assumed that men do the level of research on dating and attraction you do. But most do not. Sometimes they just do whatever is feeling right without paying attention to rule and time tables . Sometimes it backfires, sometimes it works.
He asked me out for brunch Sunday. I accepted. He’s not making or breaking anything by asking and I’m not making or breaking anything for accepting. This doesn’t make either of us desperate. We are just 2 people who enjoy each others company ALOT me don’t feel the need to abide some rules. We like to spend time together.
And he’s, I have followed the “rules” before and the outcome was never any better .
He likes me, I like him. We spend time together . If it was a girlfriend I would do the same. We don’t have a “once a week” rule.
I am in this moment very happy with how things are going.
