Hey, Just a quick update. Papers have been sent via lawyer for finalization via the judge.. Its been a while, and I will be honest. Its a tough decision to get divorced, very tough. Especially with emotions you have had for someone for many years, for some decades. I feel like I had to focus on a weigh and close scenario to just do it.. So, I did. I started to focus on what I did not like about her, and the fact those things wont change. Kind of mean, but it helped me make a decision. Not sure if that is the recommended way many here would go about it, but it worked for me. After doing the weigh and close, I realized I was holding on to things that were minor and not worth it. Most were old images, times of us.. I did look at me too, trust me. I am no prince, and I am sure she did the same for many years. Any ways, she and I are done. She was definitely the one who moved forward much quicker than I , but that is neither here nor there important now. I appreciate all the time people have spent with me trying to assist, as you all did help steer me.
M40, we have a saying around here: Do what works. I will say, a big problem a lot of LBSs have is that they romanticize the MR and the WAS, as if it and they were perfect. So recognizing the faults in the MR and with the WAS is not a bad thing at all. Dealing in reality usually really is a key in these things. I would caution against FOCUSING on them, maybe? That could lead to bitterness and anger, but certainly recognizing them. I know that was something in my own situation that helped me realize that things had to change. Another temptation is for things to just go back to the way they were. And usually that is suboptimal at best.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thnx Steve. I am finding it was easier to just realize all is not well, and to stop focusing on the good things only. Weigh and close was key. There were/are more negatives than positives. You only live once, there are no do-overs.
I know it was a tough decision which weighed on you greatly. I know if your sitch you two still get along and would meet for lunch and do holidays with the kids and grandkid. If I'm remember your sitch correctly you had people telling you, including your L, it was the most amicable they've seen and didn't think the D would go through? Anyway, keep in mind that finalizing the legal aspect does not prevent the two of you (possibly) rekindling things in the future. So move forward and go live your life to the fullest and who knows what the future will bring.
Can I ask how your STBXW took the news? Did she reach out or say anything?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Yes we are very amicable. Strange huh. She digested it , was a little taken aback. But, she went right into planning mode. Family, insurance ( health care is what I am financially assisting in), animals etc. No real change. I think it will hit her later, much later due to work. Realtor, 24/7 right now, and her life is focused heavily on getting income. I just needed to move forward.. I am
Minor update. I have decides I cant be friends with her. Not healthy. I dont want to see or hear of her new boyfriends etc. Seems childish, but just cant do it. The girls and I get alomg fine. They are growing up and doing their own thing. Grand kids will always be able to see me at will.
She digested it , was a little taken aback. But, she went right into planning mode.
I was wondering how'd she'd take it, with her desire to stay friends and go on lunch dates and shared holiday dinners.
Originally Posted by Mach40
I think it will hit her later, much later due to work.
Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows. Just do your thing.
Originally Posted by Mach40
I just needed to move forward.. I am
Good!
Originally Posted by Mach40
I have decides I cant be friends with her. Not healthy. I dont want to see or hear of her new boyfriends etc. Seems childish, but just cant do it.
I don't think it's childish. You have to put your self-care first and if it helps your detachment / emotions to have space and not be friends that's completely reasonable. I'm glad it's amicable - not all that common around here - but you don't have to be friends with someone who wants to divorce you.
Do you know she's dating / has a new boyfriend, or are you just saying in theory?
Originally Posted by Mach40
The girls and I get alomg fine. They are growing up and doing their own thing. Grand kids will always be able to see me at will.
Your kids are adults and you've established a relationship with them, and sounds like you have regular access to your grandkids. That's the key.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Some uber liberal types think its childish to not be friends. Its a stereotype I know. But watch movies, media. Divorce is glamourized. But that being said. I have one life, and I want to enjoy it from now on. I think there is someone who has been her "friend" for a long time, since 80s. Music, art, always there during tough times. Cinnection via music, art, etc. Used to work together in Tv productuon Channel 5, went to college together, well same time for same program. She has been going to his bands gigs every so often. He has always been a person, red flag type. He is RN. And I even put him in the Navy in the 90s. Corpmsan. I know, as my BIL once noticed, he is always around her. Kids havent said anything about him. But, its done. Just a observation.
