I went back and read your thread on the Texan. You may want to see if you see a pattern here. This is not intended to judge you and only to help you. How you interpret it, is up to you since you know yourself better than those of us who only know you based on your writings on this board. I wish you the best!
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Date 2 went quite well! Date 3 is Sunday! Yup, violating all the rules and having 3 dates in 8 days. It feels pretty good to know I’m not dead inside and I can feel chemistry again. I also feel really natural and comfortable around him and very much like myself. He puts forth the effort and drives the 45 min to me. Looking at T’s thread, 45 min is a big deal! He even crosses the GW bridge and there is a hefty toll on that one!
As far as “rebound guy” I don’t think that is so accurate. 4 months isn’t 4 weeks. So far we are having a blast getting to know eachother .
Something just feels…. Right. And comfortable and good. I’ve decided to go with it and embrace it while keeping my eyes wide open
Lots of us have a past and a very difficult one at that. The work and healing you do and how you handle stuff is so important. We are all works in progress. Hey, my past traumas and my story might be a red flag to most. Until they know how I handle my sh!t.
I haven’t wanted to be with anyone this in years. The good news is while I’m moving fast, My eyes are wide open.
I truly realize I have been seeing everything in everyone as a red flag because I was scared. I have issues too. Everyone has issues. It boils down to what you can work with and what is a dealbreaker. Carrying baggage well is important . Working together is important .
And when things went south, you had the following quotes which indicate you were in fact emotionally invested and this not working out affected you
Originally Posted by Ginger1
What am I sad for? Back to square one yet again. Sad that I cannot attract a healthy man.
Look,I’m not the hottest woman alive. But I’m not awful on the eyes. I am a professional with a career. A good parent. Very responsible. Good friends and people genuinely like me and trust me . But I also know how to have lots of fun. I’m not the worst catch. I would think I can find a decent human. But no such luck . It’s awfully depressing .
I may always be single. I know this is my fault and I chose to trust too much. I was aware of the red flags, but I trusted. There is only so much you can do.
I’ve been more flexible with my hard and fast rules
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Yup, violating all the rules
They are not “rules” if they are rarely followed. More like loose guidelines perhaps. I’ve seen where others claim to have “dealbreakers” but continue with the deal even after the dealbreaker has been fully busted.
If one doesn’t follow their own rules when it’s not convenient then they are just words. It’s the actions that count. If you don’t want to follow rules don’t pretend to have them. I’ve seen this a lot with you G. Take it for what it’s worth. I’m not even saying you’re doing anything wrong dating this still married guy. I’m just pointing out you don’t follow rules. You quickly act to do what you want to in the moment and then rationalize it.
The reason to have rules or dealbreakers is to help guide things when emotion takes over. The rules or dealbreakers are created absent of emotion so they will prove clarity when emotions take over. Again, just pointing it out.
Multiple dates and lots and lots of talk right out of the gate. That’s also a very common trait you’ve followed - including the rationalization that the guy is going to be busy so we have to do it this way. I won’t even try to count how many times you’ve said you’re done dating and for sure done OLD. Just words.
But hey it may all work out. And again I’m not saying it’s wrong - just that you often break the rules you claim to have. Should this not work out perhaps not breaking your own rules will be the best course next time.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
For a kiss on the forehead to have any value or meaning it should be from the heart, NOT PART OF AN EFFING REPERTOIRE!
Cheese n Rice that comment frosts my cookies. THIS is PART OF THE EFFING PROBLEM.
DROP THE EFFING STATS STOP TRYING TO USE YOUR LEFT BRAIN TO ANALYZE A FREAKING EMOTION LIKE LOVE STOP STOCKPILING THINGS FOR A REPERTOIRE TO UP YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING ACTION.
It's So EFFING offensive.
We're all here to process through our hurt and improve ourselves. Part of that is learning how to be a better partner and how to better attract a partner. I see R2C posting the "Rules of Attraction" thread to newbies quite a bit. Learning how to dress better, get in shape, be engaging to the opposite sex...etc. is an important part of the process for many. So reading that a woman thinks it's sweet to be kissed on the forehead and storing that nugget in our left brains isn't necessarily a bad thing. There are men that genuinely want to be a good partner and are looking for ways to help connect. It doesn't mean the lesson is being used to deceive, hook up, and throw that person away.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Because in our 40’s that makes all the difference in the world.
We are going on our Thursday. Chatted for 2 hours tonight .
We should be playing games though, right ?
It’s not about playing games. It’s a process. Every single time you go 0-60 right out of the gate it blows up in your face. Don’s right it doesn’t matter you justify everything.
For a kiss on the forehead to have any value or meaning it should be from the heart, NOT PART OF AN EFFING REPERTOIRE!
Cheese n Rice that comment frosts my cookies. THIS is PART OF THE EFFING PROBLEM.
DROP THE EFFING STATS STOP TRYING TO USE YOUR LEFT BRAIN TO ANALYZE A FREAKING EMOTION LIKE LOVE STOP STOCKPILING THINGS FOR A REPERTOIRE TO UP YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING ACTION.
It's So EFFING offensive.
We're all here to process through our hurt and improve ourselves. Part of that is learning how to be a better partner and how to better attract a partner. I see R2C posting the "Rules of Attraction" thread to newbies quite a bit. Learning how to dress better, get in shape, be engaging to the opposite sex...etc. is an important part of the process for many. So reading that a woman thinks it's sweet to be kissed on the forehead and storing that nugget in our left brains isn't necessarily a bad thing. There are men that genuinely want to be a good partner and are looking for ways to help connect. It doesn't mean the lesson is being used to deceive, hook up, and throw that person away.
Yep in the perfect Disney world the prince would know exactly what to say and when to say it. The princess would never be creeped out or turned off. For some reason it is encouraged to improve in every aspect unless it’s men improving their attraction skills because women feel they are being played.
So BF last night I went to an outdoor concert and I had my arm around the girl I was with and I kissed her on the forehead. She seemed to enjoy it too like G did so I am glad I received the tip that some women like it. I’m sorry if that feels icky to you. As I said before, you are a smart chick and I trust you will know if you are being gamed or not in the future.
Let’s just say his interest level is high. And he is extremely genuine . He will be away for a few weeks and D is away. I don’t think accepting a date 3 days later is going to make or break or us.
He has been separated for a few months. They had been separated before that as well. It’s a short term marriage and no children came from it. She was a manipulative binge drinker and abusive when she drank. He was done after giving her another chance . Papers are almost signed. He closes on his new place tomorrow.( he was not living with her in the meantime )
We had a candid open talk last night . He’s not the “I’m free woohoo type” but we both agreed that he does need his time single and to take a breather from everything . We agreed to be friends that kiss, lol. I have decided I am not going to have sex with him and I told him as much and he’s completely understanding . He’s seriously kind sweet and empathetic. We know timing timing stinks.
Anyways, for the men out there. Does he have a good career stay fit and dress nice, and drive a decent car ? Yes. Ia that attractive ? Sure. But the most attractive part of his is his genuinity, not trying to be a certain way because he thinks that’s what women wants. He comes as his self . And we can sniff out when men are trying to be what they think a woman wants to be rather than just being themselves . Vulnerability , honesty, good conversation that goes beyond the surface level. Very attractive. His love for his family is as well.
Last edited by job; 07/13/2205:29 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
