Been thinking about your plight through this all, and your history of dating....
I would imagine that you come across to many prospects out there as intimidating as hell.
They see you, and want to try it. Like you are some kind of a lifetime achievement award for them. Then they get to know you and they find out that you really aren't all that you advertise.
You are more....
We go through this DB stuff, and we become these people who aren't (well, most aren't) afraid of ourselves, or the truth, or hearing the bad and finding a way to turn that into a positive in our lives...
Most people that we meet in our lives are nowhere close to where we are in terms of being self aware, self correcting, self motivated to do better. We should be communicating better, not reacting to our emotions, and striving to do better in every situation that we come across....
And that's a pretty intimidating hill to try and climb for anyone that hasn't done that kind of work on himself......
be in touch with my emotions? WTF is that about, I'm out of here !!!
I would imagine that you come across a lot of "Hobosexuals"....
Men looking for sex and a place to crash.....lol
I've said this to you for years now....JUST BE YOU, and stop trying to define where you are in a relationship.
Remember Einstein's definition of insanity, and you have been doing the same things over and over....and the results ?
By nature, and who you are....
You are intimidating to most normal men. We are typically stupid, and want to be "the man" in a relationship....
Odd, because we often fail.
You are worth it,, you are intelligent, you are beautiful, you are courageous....
And I am pretty sure that any guy would rather go through an IRS investigation rather than Little G do it....
Men fall in love using their eyes.....Women fall in love using their ears....
At 10pm I finally have a chance to reply on here. The full moon is a real Thing in healthcare.
As you know, the above made me shed some tears. Good tears.
I do think men are intimidated by me. By all I’ve been through and the fact that I’ve got most of poop together despite it. And I think where I truly go wrong Is wanting these guys who have been through heck to have their sh!t together too. Bit as we know, they don’t. I know that I attract men that have been through hell and as I have said I feel I initially can connect with them more. Bit as time goes on….. I am making it, and many of them still are floundering . And I imagine that might become too much. And for me, quite honestly, it just becomes frustrating for me.
I do finally realize my relationship status doesn’t define me. I just really want some healthy companionship of the opposite sex. It sounds like it should be simple, but it’s been harder and more impossible for me than I have ever imagined. But I know being single is not who I am.
I’ve had some very humbling feel good yet boost my ego moments at work this week. There is a patient care tech on my unit who is 24. He’s going to med school. He is an incredibly good looking guy, sweet, smart and everything I hope my daughter chooses in a man. I think he looks up to me as a big sister ( won’t say mom!) and he comes and decompresses and talks to me and seeks my advice all the time. He’s been on 7 dates with someone he met on hinge and actually seeks my advice ! ( ironic, right ?) he is an incredible human being the way he treats and respects women and people . He’s going to make a wonderful compassionate doctor one day.
Every unit in our hospital has a case manager and social worker that works together . We work closely with PT and OT and speech for discharge planning. The PT we have this month ( my personal Favorite) came to our office today and said “BTW, our department as a whole voted that you guys ( me and my social worker) are our favorite , hands down” that really made me feel so good today!
Finally. This past Saturday night I get a text from ex saying “D can’t have a conversation without getting nasty and It didn’t end well for her” I texted her and and said if she was mouthy with her father she should apologize. She said “no, you wouldnt believe what he did to a 14 year old kid” I asked if she wanted to talk about it and she said jo, she wanted to go to bed and she would tell me when I Picked her up the next morning.
I pick her up to take her to the mall, and she tells me her recount. Something happened on TV during the hockey game and my F gets a little hyped up and got mouthy when he had the opposite opinion of a ref call. She told her her father screamed at her at three a pillow at her. He went beserk, she began crying and hyperventilating and went to her room. The next morning she apologized for being out old line. She said “bit dad was out of line too and he didn’t apologize to me!” I did tell her she did the right thing and her father apaobitleu should have apologized because he was wrong too. The good news is, I see she is learning that it’s ok to be wrong, but you need to own it. And she kept her side of the street clean by owning her part .
I’m proud of her. We ended up having a nice long day together at the mall. Expensive for me, but she was a happy kid.
I’m making a difference somehow some way and that’s what’s most important. I just want to leave good imprint on this world. It’s personally important to me. And a relationship does not define that
At 10pm I finally have a chance to reply on here. The full moon is a real Thing in healthcare.
As you know, the above made me shed some tears. Good tears.
I do think men are intimidated by me. By all I’ve been through and the fact that I’ve got most of poop together despite it. And I think where I truly go wrong Is wanting these guys who have been through heck to have their sh!t together too. Bit as we know, they don’t. I know that I attract men that have been through hell and as I have said I feel I initially can connect with them more. Bit as time goes on….. I am making it, and many of them still are floundering . And I imagine that might become too much. And for me, quite honestly, it just becomes frustrating for me.
I do finally realize my relationship status doesn’t define me. I just really want some healthy companionship of the opposite sex. It sounds like it should be simple, but it’s been harder and more impossible for me than I have ever imagined. But I know being single is not who I am.
I would imagine that there are so many 'broken' people just looking for almost the same thing.
Mostly looking for Sex, or a Mother figure, somebody to be a "right now" fix for their long term dysfunction by hding in your emotional 'basement'....
Someone whole, to help put back together their pieces...
Someone to help them not be in whatever pain that they are in.
NOT understanding that the "pain" , is what separates you from them...
YOU faced yours and did the work, they haven't..
And most of them probably don't even know that about themselves until they find out that they are an emotional pony, running in your race horse world.
YOUR definition of what love looks like is so much different than what - I would imagine- the majority of other peoples looks like. I would think that you are a magnet for someone looking to be fixed...
I had always heard that if you vent down, you grow down...
And to grow upward, you vent upward....
So if you date an emotional 3 , and you are an emotional 9....
That must be like shopping for Gucci at the Dollar store.....for ONE of you....
Change that up a bit....
How available are you with your time , I mean with all that you fill your life with...
How available are you to get a outside of your comfort zone a bit?
And with that, I mean how welcoming is you aura and spirit to welcoming the unexpected ??
It's when your heart and spirit are open, and your eyes closed, that IT will find you my dear...
Your person is out there, and they are just as frustrated as you are right now. Which , I would imagine, has them just as closed off and shopping in the same stores as you are...over and over again, seeing the same items in the clearance bin...
No offense meant....but there is a reason that most daytime soap operas typically center around a hospital.
My ex was in the medical field....she went through 3 Doctors until THEY hit the jackpot with that one...
To have different results....DO different...
Originally Posted by G
I’m making a difference somehow some way and that’s what’s most important. I just want to leave good imprint on this world. It’s personally important to me. And a relationship does not define that
You are more than you think ....
And that's the best thing I've heard you say in a long time....
I like your most recent post, G. It sounds strong and confident, like you! And, of course, the hunky young med student comes to you for advice. You are a warm, caring, compassionate person who knows what is what. Who wouldn't want to seek your guidance? So, lose that little part you put in parenthesis about it being ironic, because girl, you got it goin' on and everyone seems to know it but you.
I hope you do truly realize that you are so much more than a relationship. I get that you want that strong, positive, MALE companionship in the form of a good romantic partner and I assure you that season is coming for you. In the meantime, keep rockin' it like you are because you are fabulous!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Ginger, I was debating whether to post this or not because it can come across as harsh. I am posting it in the hope that you can take whatever makes sense and use it to improve yourself. Know that this is not a judgement on you and does not diminish my opinion of the great mother and person that you are.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I do think men are intimidated by me. By all I’ve been through and the fact that I’ve got most of poop together despite it.
I don't think men are intimidated by you. There may be some who are, but it has not generally been the case from what I have read on your thread earlier. If anything, I have seen them take advantage of your good nature.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
By all I’ve been through and the fact that I’ve got most of poop together despite it. And I think where I truly go wrong Is wanting these guys who have been through heck to have their sh!t together too. Bit as we know, they don’t. I know that I attract men that have been through hell and as I have said I feel I initially can connect with them more.
There are many guys who have their sh1t together. You attracting these men is not the issue. The problem is you being attracted to these me. And I am not the only one who thinks this way. Don gave you similar feedback earlier
Originally Posted by DonH
There is something about these very broken guys that you seem to be very attracted to and comfortable with. It’s way above my pay grade to annualize - I just know it’s the case. You’re not attracting these guys - you’re attracted to these guys. Seems to me you need to figure out why you’re not attracted to the good guys.
Originally Posted by Mach1
Mostly looking for Sex, or a Mother figure, somebody to be a "right now" fix for their long term dysfunction by hding in your emotional 'basement'....
If you took an honest look at your past, you could argue that some of them were not truly attracted to you. Some of the men Mach mentions above were probably dysfunctional. But I feel most of them were just playing you till they found something better.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I do finally realize my relationship status doesn’t define me. I just really want some healthy companionship of the opposite sex.
I have not seen your actions be consistent with your words. Your desperation to be in a relationship is obvious and I suspect it comes across to potential partners too. In my opinion you are looking for a 'happy ever after' and want it quickly, whether you realize it or not. Your desperation is why you moved too quickly with the Texan. If I recollect, there was another person (E?) you broke up with because you felt 'he listens to his kids too much. To me, someone prioritizing the opinion or wishes of their teenage kids over someone they have known for a few weeks is a sign of good character. It is possible he tried to sugar coat things to avoid offending you, but it's not hard to guess the real reason.
There are two things I feel you can do better and they will help you, in my opinion.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
But I know being single is not who I am.
First, drop this attitude. If you define yourself as a person that is not meant to be single, you put a lot of pressure on yourself and that pressure will translate to your relationships. Embrace being single. You have to love yourself first and feel complete without another person. Counter intuitive yes, but like DB that's when you will have the best chance of settling down with someone.
Second, be self-confident and have high standards but ask yourself whether you are putting yourself on a pedestal. People like to give advice that 'you are the prize' but that only works in specific scenarios like LRT. If you are the prize in a relationship, it is not a relationship of equals which is not good. What you bring to the relationship may not be what the other person values. Focus on whether the other person brings what you value in a relationship and whether you are providing what they value.
I am going to speak to this post first because it was easier to post on my phone
Originally Posted by MLCxH
Ginger, I was debating whether to post this or not because it can come across as harsh. I am posting it in the hope that you can take whatever makes sense and use it to improve yourself. Know that this is not a judgement on you and does not diminish my opinion of the great mother and person that you are.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I do think men are intimidated by me. By all I’ve been through and the fact that I’ve got most of poop together despite it.
I don't think men are intimidated by you. There may be some who are, but it has not generally been the case from what I have read on your thread earlier. If anything, I have seen them take advantage of your good nature.
I agree that there are a portion who have taken advantage of my good nature. Cannot disagree with that. I do think there are some who maybe aren’t “intimidated “ but maybe bothered by me having my [censored] together.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
By all I’ve been through and the fact that I’ve got most of poop together despite it. And I think where I truly go wrong Is wanting these guys who have been through heck to have their sh!t together too. Bit as we know, they don’t. I know that I attract men that have been through hell and as I have said I feel I initially can connect with them more.
There are many guys who have their sh1t together. You attracting these men is not the issue. The problem is you being attracted to these me. And I am not the only one who thinks this way. Don gave you similar feedback earlier
Quite honestly, I believe there are many guys who have their it together. I haven’t met one yet. No, I lie, I haven’t met who is single, but I know some great men who are taken. I honestly have not even been given the chance to turn down one of these men who have their sh!t together. Probably doesn’t reflect well on me that I haven’t met one . And trust me, o haven’t
Originally Posted by DonH
There is something about these very broken guys that you seem to be very attracted to and comfortable with. It’s way above my pay grade to annualize - I just know it’s the case. You’re not attracting these guys - you’re attracted to these guys. Seems to me you need to figure out why you’re not attracted to the good guys.
Originally Posted by Mach1
Mostly looking for Sex, or a Mother figure, somebody to be a "right now" fix for their long term dysfunction by hding in your emotional 'basement'....
If you took an honest look at your past, you could argue that some of them were not truly attracted to you. Some of the men Mach mentions above were probably dysfunctional. But I feel most of them were just playing you till they found something better.
Absolutely, I agree . I got played until they found something better. They all did including my ex, lol
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I do finally realize my relationship status doesn’t define me. I just really want some healthy companionship of the opposite sex.
I have not seen your actions be consistent with your words. Your desperation to be in a relationship is obvious and I suspect it comes across to potential partners too. In my opinion you are looking for a 'happy ever after' and want it quickly, whether you realize it or not. Your desperation is why you moved too quickly with the Texan. If I recollect, there was another person (E?) you broke up with because you felt 'he listens to his kids too much. To me, someone prioritizing the opinion or wishes of their teenage kids over someone they have known for a few weeks is a sign of good character. It is possible he tried to sugar coat things to avoid offending you, but it's not hard to guess the real reason.
There are two things I feel you can do better and they will help you, in my opinion.
I don’t know how desperate I could possibly be after being single for the greater part of my 15 years. Earlier in my single years, I was more desperate . Now I’m not at all. I have said no to men who have wanted relationships with me . And no, they didn’t have their sh!t together. At all. But I could have been with them if I was desperate
And let me clarify about “E” I don’t know where you got he “listens to his kids too much” as what deterred me. He told me he does what his kids tell because he was SCARED of them. They are bigger than him and have anger issues according to him . He was scared of his older teenage sons. He couldn’t make an independent decision. I wouldn’t drop a guy because he listens to his kids. One that is scared of his own children ? Yes, I’m sorry, but that shows a very weak man to me . And he was. He still also told me his father has the final say on most things because held there purse strings . and still needed the input of his ex wife on his life.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
But I know being single is not who I am.
First, drop this attitude. If you define yourself as a person that is not meant to be single, you put a lot of pressure on yourself and that pressure will translate to your relationships. Embrace being single. You have to love yourself first and feel complete without another person. Counter intuitive yes, but like DB that's when you will have the best chance of settling down with someone.
Second, be self-confident and have high standards but ask yourself whether you are putting yourself on a pedestal. People like to give advice that 'you are the prize' but that only works in specific scenarios like LRT. If you are the prize in a relationship, it is not a relationship of equals which is not good. What you bring to the relationship may not be what the other person values. Focus on whether the other person brings what you value in a relationship and whether you are providing what they value.
Well, this is ironic. I get told I’m self depreciating and don’t realize what I bring to the table, then when I acknowledge what I bring to the table I put myself on a pedestal? Dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t. I totally understand 2 people being different things to a relationship . And what one values can definitely value. I am open minded and I recognize that. Different people different values, one doesn’t make one person better than the other .
Interesting feed back, I appreciate the time you took to post. I agree on some points, not on others and will certainly marinate on it all
