Indeed Steve. I know she went to IC today and I guess that prompted her to investigate mediation. Interesting, since she has not communicated anything on settlement when I asked. And her parenting plan is that she wants specific days, and I allow her to come play with the kids for a few hours on my days. I take it that mediation is easier then putting in the effort.
So today I drafted a detailed 10 page parenting plan as I want it, including how it would look on the days she wants. It has everything in it. I nicked it from a legal site, they covered more than I would have thought. I flicked it to her by email today for comment. I'm curious to see how she responds. I'm guessing she'll make some excuse since responding is in the too hard basket.
I am considering another L though that prepares proforma settlements. There is aspect that she might be right on. The majority of equity in our house is based on investments she brought to the M. My L said it doesn't matter, but there is a few case laws that show it might. This is how she is trying to leverage a bigger share. I did ask her for the value of her investments at the time of M, but she of course refused to provide.
The mediation she wants specifically states you need legal advice before participating. She's cheap, she'll probably opt for legal aid which hopefully means they'll ground her expectations.
I am not an expert but I tend to agree to with your L. With no pre-nup in place, using her investments to buy the house could indeed make it community property now. And there are even some states that would include investment pre-marriage communal after a certain length of time. Use the law to your advantage. Protect yourself. I am always for shopping around for ICs and Ls that work for you, so I think you are on the right track there.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So today I drafted a detailed 10 page parenting plan as I want it, including how it would look on the days she wants. It has everything in it. I nicked it from a legal site, they covered more than I would have thought. I flicked it to her by email today for comment.
Hi tt180,
After many replies about sitting on your proposals and passing everything you send by a lawyer, you're finally e-mailing, but still trying out doing so the same day and without letting your attorney review it first?
Originally Posted by tt180
I am considering another L though. My L said it doesn't matter, but there is a few case laws that show it might.
Your divorce attorney is an important choice. If you don't trust yours turn to friends or Yelp to find one who's well-reviewed. You will be at a distinct disadvantage if you have to rely on "Google Law" to get you through this.
Originally Posted by tt180
The mediation she wants specifically states you need legal advice before participating.
My attorney rarely goes with THE <service> my XW wants. Propose 3 options and let her pick, or let her propose 3 options and you pick. Sounds like your wife is lawyering up. Yes, they'll ground her expectations and maximize her results.
And her parenting plan is that she wants specific days, and I allow her to come play with the kids for a few hours on my days.
This is unlikely to work in the long term. Your days are your days and her day are her days. Carving out hours in your day is a logistical nightmare. Plus, what happens when one or both of you start dating? I wouldn't advise agreeing to anything in writing that allows her hours on your days, unless it's something well defined and specific such as an off-week dinner.
Originally Posted by toughtimes180
So today I drafted a detailed 10 page parenting plan as I want it
10 pages sounds burdensome...and extremely difficult to enforce. In the end you two will manage the kids during your time how you see fit. You're not going to be able to control things going forward.
Originally Posted by toughtimes180
I'm guessing she'll make some excuse since responding is in the too hard basket.
Lots of speculation on her thoughts and response. Try not to waste headspace on this. Focus on yourself.
Originally Posted by toughtimes180
I am considering another L though that prepares proforma settlements. There is aspect that she might be right on. The majority of equity in our house is based on investments she brought to the M. My L said it doesn't matter, but there is a few case laws that show it might.
Rely on your legal counsel as to what you are or are not entitled to. I don't know Australian law, but if buying the house was a long time ago and the assets are comingled it may now be considered martial property and you may be entitled to half. Take what you legally deserve.
Originally Posted by toughtimes180
This is how she is trying to leverage a bigger share.
It doesn't matter what she's trying to leverage, only what the law says...unless you agree to it in negotiations.
Originally Posted by toughtimes180
I did ask her for the value of her investments at the time of M, but she of course refused to provide.
Why even bother asking her? She'll have to provide documented evidence to argue it as a pre-martial asset.
Originally Posted by toughtimes180
The mediation she wants specifically states you need legal advice before participating. She's cheap, she'll probably opt for legal aid which hopefully means they'll ground her expectations.
Again wasting time and thoughts on what she might or might not do.
toughtimes180 - You're struggling with the inability to control things and spending a lot of time speculating on what W thinks. It might help if you to redirect the speculation and focus on her onto yourself and learn ways to let go of your perception of control. Also, way too much communication about the divorce negotiations IMO.
Last edited by BL42; 05/12/2204:09 PM.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
10 pages sounds burdensome...and extremely difficult to enforce. In the end you two will manage the kids during your time how you see fit. You're not going to be able to control things going forward.
I cop to making the mistake of a long child custody agreement! It didn't take me long to realize nobody remembers 10 pages of agreements or follows it if it becomes inconvenient when it's unenforceable. I have 1-2 pages I refer to frequently which spell out the schedule--routine, holiday, and days of special meaning and which take precedent. How school hours affect those. Who picks the kids up when they're sick. How to take vacations. What happens if someone's late. I'm proud my agreement has enforceable consequences for late pickup! I've never had to deal with a habitually late ex.
10 page parenting plan? Is that because you are being petty and coming back at her?
It should fill up no more than two page to include percentage of days, which days, pick up and drop off time and places. Holiday schedules, activities, etc. vacation weeks, sick day schedules, etc.
Your time is your time, her time is her time.
I don’t think you can tell her how it should look on her time as much as she can’t tell you it looks kn your time
My attorney rarely goes with THE <service> my XW wants. Propose 3 options and let her pick, or let her propose 3 options and you pick. Sounds like your wife is lawyering up. Yes, they'll ground her expectations and maximize her results.
Same.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
If she is like every other spouse of the posters here, no matter what your proposal is, she won't like it. That is why we said for her to draft up what she wants. Most likely you will not like that either, but at least you can make some logical counter proposals.
You have and adversarial relationship now. Like it or not. That does not mean you can't come to agreements. It will just be much harder. The layers feed off of this. Like it or not.
This is why YOU stand on equal and frequent contact with both parents. The older the kids get the longer they can go between seeing each parent. A firm landing ground is what you are seeking in the written agreement.
I strongly suggest concrete exchange times and a "drop off parent". Whoever had the kids dropped them off with the other parent. Otherwise (pick up parenting) you are waiting around at the other parents house waiting....Or worse, you are negotiating every exchange.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I don't know anything about parenting plans, I thought a 10-pager was where it is at. A two-pager sounds nicer than 10. But she hasn't responded, so let's see. I like the idea of late clauses. How does that work?
STBXW sent me an anniversary card saving she loves me and thanks me for the wonderful family we created. It was actually touching. It was even a greeting card specifically for Exs.
I did say thanks and walked away, but not sure if I respond later, if at all.
