9 years I think? We didn’t date that long, but have remained friends. I was not impressed with his habit of making a date with me, then not showing up until 3 hours later, if at all, with no warning that he would be late (wasn’t work related either). Plus I was looking for something more than a booty call twice a month - that was NOT enough for me! So I called it off.
I did give him a second chance, on the condition that he read about Love Avoidance. But he was back to his old mode in no time at all, so I just told him it wasn’t right for me. I didn’t break his heart or anything. He’s super handsome and has no problem getting ladies. We stayed friends, plus once a year I check in with him because he once had a pituitary tumor removed, and because he didn’t have a doctor when I knew him, I ordered the follow up blood test that he was supposed to be getting. So every year the Tumor Registry at the University contacts me about his status, and I contact him to make sure he’s still asymptomatic.
I call him Mr Big Lots because he picked me up while shopping in Big Lots, plus he was 6’6”. (So he says - I think he lies about his height, I’m guessing more like 6’7” or maybe even 6’8”)
(Honestly, I was surprised when he asked for a second chance because I figured he just wasn’t that into me. But I met a guy in my morning coffee klatch at Starbucks who explained to me that he wouldn’t make a date with a woman on Monday for Friday night, because he wasn’t sure if he’d feel like it by Friday. So he’d wait until Friday to ask her, and if she was available, fine, if not, fine too. It really helped me understand how Love Avoidants think! )
T - We don't know if Josh's relationship is toxic. It's displaying Toxic traits NOW as all marriages do when they are falling apart. Rewriting of history happens on both sides of the fence. Only time will settle the muddy waters of emotions... but sadly most don't last here long enough for us to truly help them.
Exactly it is clear he doesn't want the marriage to end. Tell me CW how telling him his wife deserves to go out and find good sex is empathetic.
I stumbled on this flame war about me lol.
If I recall, the sex comment was in reaction to my statement post BD that I knew she was having an EA and wanted to travel to meet him. Because it's post BD, and S is clearly on the cards, she's entitled to find her happiness.
I'm pretty sure the relationship was toxic from the start. I specifically recall incidents early on, and during the entire M. Now maybe they were just infrequent incidents at the start. And over time they got more frequent. Or if I manned up, they would be just be infrequent incidents. Who knows.
FWIW, deep down I know M needs to end. It's just easier to hold onto the hope that she'll change.
T - We don't know if Josh's relationship is toxic. It's displaying Toxic traits NOW as all marriages do when they are falling apart. Rewriting of history happens on both sides of the fence. Only time will settle the muddy waters of emotions... but sadly most don't last here long enough for us to truly help them.
Exactly it is clear he doesn't want the marriage to end. Tell me CW how telling him his wife deserves to go out and find good sex is empathetic.
I stumbled on this flame war about me lol.
If I recall, the sex comment was in reaction to my statement post BD that I knew she was having an EA and wanted to travel to meet him. Because it's post BD, and S is clearly on the cards, she's entitled to find her happiness.
I'm pretty sure the relationship was toxic from the start. I specifically recall incidents early on, and during the entire M. Now maybe they were just infrequent incidents at the start. And over time they got more frequent. Or if I manned up, they would be just be infrequent incidents. Who knows.
FWIW, deep down I know M needs to end. It's just easier to hold onto the hope that she'll change.
With all due respect the many posts aren't about you specifically, but rather are about someone on a divorce busting board telling a poster their WAS has a right to go off and have sex with an AP. Let's not forget the real issue here. This is a divorce busting forum and we have posters telling people it's ok for their spouses to sleep with someone else. Not acceptable.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Apparently I need a translator or something to read all these posts because I get a little lost somewhere along the way. As usual, I agree with bttrfly and much of what LH said as well. While I may not blindly agree that all affairs arise from anger, I certainly realize that some of them are. And while I would NEVER blame the person who was cheated on because I realize cheating is about the person doing it, not the one it is being done to, there are those occasions where issues between the partners causes one to go astray. Like bttrfly, my xh cheated on me so I really can only speak to my personal experience. He asked for a divorce, claimed it was all about him and how unhappy he was, but morphed into being all my fault along the way, and then I found out after our divorce was final that he'd been cheating when his new girlfriend started posting their relationship all over facebook claiming he was the love of her life. Were there things that I did or could have done differently that would've made him happy? In retrospect, absolutely. I didn't drive him to cheat, but some of my actions did help create the unhappy environment he felt and I am sorry for that part. Did I own part of the issues in our marriage? Absolutely! Did I own 100% of them? Absolutely not! Here we are now going on 8 years later and while my XH isn't angry like some ex spouses are, he's not living the life of Riley that he thought ditching me for someone else would bring him. I mean, he's still dealing with the same medical and corresponding psychological issues that come with them and changing spouses certainly didn't change that. I can't speak for everyone else's marriage, but it would seem to me that, in many cases, there is fault on both sides. Sure, there are cases where one is abusive, an addict, or maybe one of those terribly charming folks that lies really well (note I did not say narcissist because I think that word gets used WAY too much when it may or may not be applicable). There are cases where good spouses are doing everything right and their partner falls out of love with them for whatever reason. As I have said many times, we are ALL different and have different experiences, so the confusion I get from some posts is when some people insist that the way their particular case went is how they all should be because that just isn't true.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
