Yeah, you might want to read up on love bombing. A good therapist might be helpful for working through this stuff.
This was my thought exactly! You got love-bombed, then you became overly attached. Then she felt she could do whatever she wanted. And Bunches, you proved her right. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. I agree with kml, IC is a must at this point.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
[quote=Bunches]Have you read Divorce Busting and/or Divorce Remedy? Do you want to put the principles in place to see where things go?
So, what are your plans for tonight? Tomorrow? Thursday? Friday? and Saturday? Be a father first, but when you aren't being a father be out leaving a fun, fulfilled, exciting life!
Also Bunches, just wondering if you could answer the above.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
[quote=Bunches]Have you read Divorce Busting and/or Divorce Remedy? Do you want to put the principles in place to see where things go?
So, what are your plans for tonight? Tomorrow? Thursday? Friday? and Saturday? Be a father first, but when you aren't being a father be out leaving a fun, fulfilled, exciting life!
Also Bunches, just wondering if you could answer the above.
So yes, I did read the DB books years ago but that was during first sitch. Could revisit them but it’s hard to keep books like that around. 6 boys get into everything and ask lots of questions. Could be problematic.
Plans are around exercise and church group the next couple days. I’m heading alone this weekend to Atlanta for a memorial service she isn’t attending with me. I’ll be gone for a lot of the weekend with friends.
Last edited by Bunches; 05/12/2203:03 AM.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
So question- I’ve been considering boundaries a lot recently. While I’m not trying to create a bigger gap my W spends money like it’s going out of style in the last six months and it’s got me thinking maybe about splitting checking accounts. She tends to dominate spending and decide what needs to be bought ASAP. I’m not cool with it but not sure if this is going to be a bad idea. For me it’s about creating some security for things getting worse. Thoughts?
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Bunches - I read ur first sitch, do u mind me asking, how did it end? What happened to ur eX?
JQ25 my first sitch ended with my ex W never looking back. I wasn’t capable of detaching, never could control my emotions and went too long trying to control the sitch instead of just working on my life. We went a couple years with her jumping through relationships and eventually found one that stuck. She is now remarried and happily getting to be a stay at home mom.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
In the USA, an account created after you married using funds from your marriage is probably community property. To secure my finances, I had to file for legal separation or divorce, which included restraining orders on my XW’s unilateral usage of the shared accounts and encouraged separating finances. I’m skeptical your plan secures your money. Some retirement accounts may be harder to touch with less drama. I’d speak to an attorney or accountant about your goals.
So question- I’ve been considering boundaries a lot recently. While I’m not trying to create a bigger gap my W spends money like it’s going out of style in the last six months and it’s got me thinking maybe about splitting checking accounts. She tends to dominate spending and decide what needs to be bought ASAP. I’m not cool with it but not sure if this is going to be a bad idea. For me it’s about creating some security for things getting worse. Thoughts?
I have no idea how much $$$ my W diverted from our joint accounts during her "planning" phase. After I determined I could no longer trust her, I opened a new bank account and had my paycheck deposited there. I was then able to transfer my share of the "real bills" into the joint account. Certain things are OK before, but not after divorce paperwork is filed. Definitely get professional advise.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
So question- I’ve been considering boundaries a lot recently. While I’m not trying to create a bigger gap my W spends money like it’s going out of style in the last six months and it’s got me thinking maybe about splitting checking accounts. She tends to dominate spending and decide what needs to be bought ASAP. I’m not cool with it but not sure if this is going to be a bad idea. For me it’s about creating some security for things getting worse. Thoughts?
This is getting into a legal area. Doing things like this without the help of lawyer is not advisable. Consult a good attorney.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So I'm not as worried about legalities of the money. My W is a nurse and with recent travel contracts is bringing home more than I do. We're usually on par making the same but recent times has cause them a lot of additional funding for her. I don't think she'd pursue it. More so I'm thinking about cause and effect. Would I be making things worse and is it worth it are more on my mind.
I read about love bombing multiple people referenced yesterday and I can see the points made. Feels like I'm here to provide and take care of the kids these days. Makes me feel used.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
