Yep I am definitely not going to compromise for a buy out of my share under valuation or even at a breakeven point.
At where I am, buyer pays premium on top of valuation. Thus if she wants to buy over my share, she got to pay that premium.
I know where she is coming at when she was asking about my work. Because at where I work presently, I do have the flexibility to be away as and when I need to. And this, back then during the times when we were fine greatly complements the family dynamics because she is in an occupation that does not allow so.
Why I am telling her that is because I don't want her to hope or expect that things will be the same. From all her suggestions, I feel she was testing water to try having her cake and eat it. Like buying out my share, my parents to help with the kids, the flexibility of my work arrangement etc. It's going to be different. Just like when she said we can be friends or co-parent still after we divorce but I told her I don't think I would want to remain as her friend.
This morning was a random session that she suddenly pop up when I getting ready to go out and no one is at home. More or less I have expected a talk like this will come from her in matter of time because I had previously also thought that the dinner will not happen. She would just take the chance of any random encounter like this to bring up this topic as she always did. Thus it gives me the feeling that she is testing the tempt once in a while to see my reaction. I have also thought of the scenario that once I receive the paper from her, I will tell her to give me a couple of days to run through with my lawyer and I will insert my terms before replying through my Lawyer.
That was something I told her before too at the start of the stitch when she asked me why can't we proceed the divorce on our own without a Lawyer to save cost? I told her I am not good at this. Anything can reply through my Lawyer. He represents my best interest.
Last edited by ToSmile; 01/06/2203:44 AM.
M:38 W:38 T:14 M: 12 S:9 S:6 BD: 07/18 W Moved out: 5/19 W Moved in: 7/19 D draft received: 12/19
Recent days, W initiate some conversations with me on different topics and I just reply along. Her attitude was no longer as hostile as previous but I am not taking that as a sign or hope that things are getting better or what. However, I welcome this change as it makes the entire environment better.
Today, She passed the family car to me as I am bringing the kids for vaccination. She just requested me to drop her off work which I did. Before this happened, I also prep myself that she will be bringing up the divorce topic again and indeed she did. Our conversation as below and hope I validated well.
W: So with regards to the house, your intention is to get your relative to market it?
Me: I am fine with anyone as long the price is right
W: But we can't disposed off the house without signing the papers
Me: Why not? Then if have to then we get the papers signed
W: Before we sign the paper, we have to go for mandatory counselling again under the law as we have young kids.
Me: I thought we went for that previously?
W: The validity is only 2 years. If I am free, I will go for it as the attendance of either party will do.
Me: ok
W: How about the schooling for the kids? Are they going to the same school as planned or?
Me: May have to relocate. Subject to where I will be getting the new place.
W: So you will still be engaging your Lawyer?
Me: Yes.
W: Then it will be like me initiating the papers to you and you go through and reply via your Lawyer?
Me: That's right
W: But the terms will be the same as we discussed last time right (3 years ago)? and it will be additional expenses if you engage Lawyer too?.
Me: It's not about the Money.
-Silent-
W: Ok let's change topic
Then she started to bring up topic about investment with me and I just chat with her on that investment topic like a normal friend and the conversation just flow till I dropped her off.
At the same time, her grandmother also passed on yesterday. But she was living in another country and we are unable to attend to the funeral due to the current limitation on travelling. She is not very close with her grandmother too but I also contributed bereavement gift to the family.
M:38 W:38 T:14 M: 12 S:9 S:6 BD: 07/18 W Moved out: 5/19 W Moved in: 7/19 D draft received: 12/19
ToSmile, I am a little confused. Your condition allows you to operate a motor vehicle? But you cannot work? I am not an expert on neurological conditions, but I can say if a person has a condition that doesn't allow them to work, I probably will not allow my kids to ride in a car they are behind the wheel of.
Just trying to understand the nature of your situation. As I've said, yours is very complex, much more than most.
Finally, I love seeing you so much better in spirit! Your posts are not doom and gloom they way they were a few weeks ago. Very promising to see.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
ToSmile, I am a little confused. Your condition allows you to operate a motor vehicle? But you cannot work? I am not an expert on neurological conditions, but I can say if a person has a condition that doesn't allow them to work, I probably will not allow my kids to ride in a car they are behind the wheel of.
I think you're confusing "ToSmile" for "smilie" in the "Picking Up the Pieces After WAW Goes Again" thread, though certainly no one could blame you with such similar screen names.
ToSmile,
Originally Posted by ToSmile
She just requested me to drop her off work which I did.
What if instead of carting her around town and talking about the divorce you had fun plans of your own and didn't have time and she had to figure it out on her own?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Ain’t carting her around town and chatting divorce with her. Was just dropping her off work along the way and the topic was brought up. Normally I would have avoid such instances being alone with her. However yesterday there were different arrangements and kinda expect that coming too thus thinking how I would have managed it.
Also with the passing of her grandmother, although she looked fine in front of us and such, she mentioned she did cry a lot. I suggest to her that at this time, probably she should spend more time with her immediate family.
M:38 W:38 T:14 M: 12 S:9 S:6 BD: 07/18 W Moved out: 5/19 W Moved in: 7/19 D draft received: 12/19
Been GAL, got my indoor gym set, hitting the weights, going out, focusing on the kids, getting back my past hobby (8 ball) and spending more time with family members the past couple of months.
Also started job hunting to move on from my current company which has quite a toxic culture that's affecting my well-being and is currently being shortlisted for a new position. Though it's in process, I am already feeling much more relief than before when I am not doing anything about it and being comfortable in my current position (I like to draw this comparison to how it was back then for me before I start GAL and do something for myself)
With the wife wise, still no progress so far though. I am not ready yet to be the one initiating the proceedings and she has yet really taken the step to file as well. This morning, like a broken recorder, she brought up to me again about the house. Are we going to keep or sell... are the divorce terms gonna be the same as we previously spoken (I have lost count of how many times she brought these up) and I just replied in a chirpy manner: Yep, sell and get a new place, Yep, terms same and proceed on busying with my stuffs and wish her bye as I left for work with her looking a bit taken aback haha.
I do think that I am at a better place than I was. I'll be honest that when she raised up the topic again, it affected me. But well, only for that hour or so and then I move on to embrace my day. It would be a waste to sulk it away over something that I can't do anything about.
I also had serious conversation with myself. If my wife is gonna do a 180 and embrace me now, how would I feel? Frankly, I will dodge and feel afraid. Very afraid. I feel she has some serious stuff that she has to work out herself and for what is to come, we will see how it goes when it comes. At times, I also start to double-take if I want her back.
For now, I just wish to update that, I am looking forward to news in my life. What new changes I can make and difference I can make, for myself and others. I had lived my life that way and I want to live it differently now. Although our situation is still pretty much in a standstill, I am kinda fine with that as at the present moment, I also do not think I am ready to get into another relationship and the kids are also doing pretty well recently.
One thing also, I am cutting down much on drinking as well and just nurse a pint or 2 during gathering and occasions. Hope to keep this streak going
M:38 W:38 T:14 M: 12 S:9 S:6 BD: 07/18 W Moved out: 5/19 W Moved in: 7/19 D draft received: 12/19
Yeah she brings up that stuff trying to get a reaction out of you. Great job not taking the bait. I suspect your monkey is looking for another branch to grab hold of right now. You are young enough if you want to take more time and GAL like a madman. It is my personal belief that these things are about timing and circumstances. I have zero problem with a “ this isn’t working for me and you are either in or you are out speech”. But obviously you have to follow through if she says your out. Things rarely get better on their own.
Yeah I thought so too. I can't really just live my life for her and be her Plan B... There are ladies out there whom are hoping that I can be their Plan A but just that I am not ready for it at the mean time and if yep, if I am out, I'll just hold my head high, smile and walk out the door without turning back.
At this moment, my focus will be on my career, self well being and my elder boy, who is having his middle school entry exam this year. Have to spend additional time to coach him in his school work and score the school he wishes to enroll in.
M:38 W:38 T:14 M: 12 S:9 S:6 BD: 07/18 W Moved out: 5/19 W Moved in: 7/19 D draft received: 12/19
