I won't. I'm armed with information and L. So when the time comes. I suspect it might be mediation of some sort. And that's OK.
I rang a relative who mentioned when my Mom visited me a few years ago she was traumatised at how STBXW treated her. When STBXW went away for a few days, near the end of Mom's visit, and it was me and the kids, she felt it was a happy peaceful time. What's interesting, is from STBXW's point of view, she always said my Mom was passive, and not helpful, and got in the way. Anyway.
Reflecting back, I realise there is so much bad behavior I let her get away with. I deserve better, and I deserve to demonstrate to my children a better way to parent. I'm feeling down at the moment, since I've spent hours helping STBXW clean the house, but I know this is the way forward.
Josh, great job doing your share to clean up the home even though it involved interacting with your WAS. Doing 50% of that sounds like the correct action, but couldn’t have been easy.
Josh, great job doing your share to clean up the home even though it involved interacting with your WAS. Doing 50% of that sounds like the correct action, but couldn’t have been easy.
No, it is not easy. My stomach is in knots all day. I'm going against everything inside to stay calm, detached, and focused. Luckily, I, have to work late this week, which is providing much needed distance. And I'm ignoring the obvious signs she's having an EA. I feel liberated that when I come home, I can focus on my kids, put them to bed, and f*** off to the gym.
Josh it will get easier. EA very predictable and all part of the script. Keep fighting the urges to do anything. The quicker you separate the quicker you start to enjoy life again.
Yeah, that is it, finding a life. She felt compelled to tell me her Mom is crying every night, but she knows so many divorced friends with lovely lives. I validated, but then cut tje conversation short and said I had to speak to D1.
Honestly, we aren't talking much, other than some daily banter about our days. And she's really keeping her distance, I love it. No criticisms, no complaints, no toxic comments. Quick, clear, sms to communicate about kids.
Besides looking down 8 hours of cleaning on the weekend, it actually feels quite nice.
Josh just out of curiosity how did that conversation go where you validated?
Yeah so telling her parents eased her anxiety so she last tense right now. She’s excited about her new future. If you want to keep it calm then apply zero pressure.
For validation, I just replied with every statement like, "that must feel good", or "i can see how that is annoying." I think the comment about her Mum I said "yeah, it's an emotional time." What I noticed is I'm getting better at it because she'll sometimes agree with my validation.
There is zero pressure atm on anything. It actually feels like I'm ghosting her, but I'm not. I'm actually able to do house things, play with kids, and then go to the gym. This is a GAL that works for me.
I assume she is excited about the future, but I know her well enough that it's also a façade for nerves. She had to remind me that I said "it might not end up like you think." I said that a week ago when she was going on about how I can drop by anytime, etc. She is going to have it rough with the three kids crammed at her parents.
There is zero pressure atm on anything. It actually feels like I'm ghosting her, but I'm not. I'm actually able to do house things, play with kids, and then go to the gym. This is a GAL that works for me.
This is good. Keep it that way.
Originally Posted by Josh_T
I assume she is excited about the future, but I know her well enough that it's also a façade for nerves.
Yeah with excitement comes nerves. You really want to make her nervous let her know by actions that her safety net is gone permanently.
Originally Posted by Josh_T
She had to remind me that I said "it might not end up like you think." I said that a week ago when she was going on about how I can drop by anytime, etc.
I would be clearer with your boundaries. "That is not going to happen".
Originally Posted by Josh_T
She is going to have it rough with the three kids crammed at her parents.
I assume she is excited about the future, but I know her well enough that it's also a façade for nerves. She had to remind me that I said "it might not end up like you think." I said that a week ago when she was going on about how I can drop by anytime, etc. She is going to have it rough with the three kids crammed at her parents.
This was not validation. Remember, trying to reason with her with reality is a cheese less tunnel. The more you respond like this the more she will be convinced that you are the problem.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yeah with excitement comes nerves. You really want to make her nervous let her know by actions that her safety net is gone permanently.
Precisely. She's going to a family gathering shortly, and I made it clear that I won't be going. She lost her sounding board. And I've lost a father I never had.
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Josh_T
She is going to have it rough with the three kids crammed at her parents.
She's moving in with her parents?
Yes, temporarily. Gives time for school term to run out before moving on. I'll be in an apartment.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
This was not validation. Remember, trying to reason with her with reality is a cheese less tunnel. The more you respond like this the more she will be convinced that you are the problem.
I know. It was those early moments where I lacked control.
