Josh, did you tell your lawyers it was important for you to have 50% of overnights and they said no?!
Not at all. L never said that, I can easily ask for 50/50. I'm reflecting on what is best for D2.
Originally Posted by Traveler
At 3yrs, your overnights seem assumed. Can you delay completing your divorce until then?
Not a chance
Originally Posted by Traveler
2) At 2yrs, a. Do you spend time with your kids 50% now such that you would be considered one of the "primary caregivers"? Could you spend more time with your D2 over the next few months to become one? b. If no, the criteria for a "secondary caregiver" to have overnights is that they're able to i. soothe their child and ii. communicate well with the primary caregiver. Could you work towards these?
This is interesting. COVID, helped, I'm more involved than I ever was with D1,S. But I'm going to get resistance her. WAW already thinks I'm incompetent, even though I see it just as controlling every detail. I certainly am quite attached, and I'm very bonded with D1. The reason I'm on the fence on this is that there is research that suggests that shuttling between houses is stressful and can cause development issues. I don't want that. AAHMI state the same.
At the same time, I want to be more involved. It's a conversation I need to have with WAW.
I can easily ask for 50/50. I'm reflecting on what is best for D2.
Unless there's a significant factor such as abuse, it's best for D2 to see both parents 50/50.
Originally Posted by Josh_T
This is interesting. COVID, helped, I'm more involved than I ever was with D1,S. But I'm going to get resistance her. WAW already thinks I'm incompetent, even though I see it just as controlling every detail. I certainly am quite attached, and I'm very bonded with D1. The reason I'm on the fence on this is that there is research that suggests that shuttling between houses is stressful and can cause development issues. I don't want that. AAHMI state the same.
What resistance? Who cares what WAW thinks. Seriously. It's time for you to start acting in the interest of you and your children without ANY regard to what WAW thinks or feels about it. There's plenty of research indicating if the kids aren't going to grow up in a nuclear family then seeing both parents equally is in their best interest.
Originally Posted by Josh_T
At the same time, I want to be more involved. It's a conversation I need to have with WAW.
This is NOT a conversation you need to have with WAW. This is a decision you need to make and then strategize with your L on the best approach. Feel free to counsel with your family, friends, doctor, phycologist, priest, or whoever else you think may help, but I'd be very wary having this conversation with WAW based on the results of other conversations you've detailed in this thread.
Last edited by BL42; 05/03/2209:53 PM.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
This is NOT a conversation you need to have with WAW.
It's so instinctual for me. This is why I like this board, you tell it like it is.
I need to think about this and also take it up to my boss on how to re-structure my time to go 50/50 on D2. I'm not sold that this is what is best for D2.
