No such luck

[LH19]

And maybe I am just that awesome, LH that he just wants to see me, duh.

You are awesome and he's awesome so it's interesting it even came up. I would think with 3 dates in 8 days it would be implied.

[Dawn70]

I'm telling you it is that southern drawl. I can even overlook that he's from Texas with that accent. LOL

[kml]

The accent doesn't get me, but I love the hilarious southern aphorisms!

[DonH]

Because many people would like to know, before they sleep with someone and risk STDs, whether they are also sleeping with other people at the same time, so that they can gauge the risk.

That is very true. It’s also only half of the risk equation. Knowing the other person at least claims they will only have sex with you going forward affords some risk reduction. But what about the dozen people either or both partners may have had sex with in the last year - or perhaps the last couple months? (Not you Ginger) To me that’s a bigger question and could negate much of the risk you claim to be gauging. Otherwise it’s just an excuse to be exclusive but risk is not really all that reduced for the future - it’s the past still posing the risk.

I can certainly see only dating one person at a time as Dawn says. I just don’t see the need to voice it or even bring it up after only a few dates as LH is saying. It’s red flaggy to me but heck I’ve gone months and double digit dates without bringing it up so what do I know.

[Ginger1]

Wel, we all know I need to come update when my relationship ship implodes, lol.

Things went “fast” with me and the Texan. Well, fast on his end, anyways. I was still skeptical, but trying to enjoy the ride. We did have fun together until the last week.

I apparently can’t attract a healthy man. He stared with jealousy and insecurity. He didn’t like that I would spend time or do activities with my friends. He didn’t understand “girls night” and why men weren’t invited. He got mad . But I told him in no uncertain circumstances will I ever give up girls night . He apologized the next day and went on to tell me about that’s how it started with him ex. A girls night. I told him I’m not her and I won’t carry her baggage. He said he understood and agreed.

Well, I also realized he has a drinking problem. Like, as you all know, I like to drink, but I am generally responsible . He was a 51 year old man who would
Just get hammered. I mean completely hammered. And when he does? Obnoxious and kind of racist. And to make matters worse when he got to that point? He would run away to a casino and gamble the money away he made that day.

Well,
First I began to realize on our first weekend trip to school to see a concert, he has zero money saved anywhere. And gambles like he was rich. Then. I’m the past week, something triggered him, hs would drink excessively, and run away to the casino. He lives very close to a casino. I got a call last week when he was hammered that the security wouldn’t let him drive home. I ordered him an Uber and got him home. I was PISSEd! He promised he wouldn’t do that again . also, it was my mothers birthday. My mother who was an addict and took her own life. 2 days a year I allow feelings towards my mother . Her birthday and her death day. He knew this. But he was so self absorbed

Well, twice more in the week he did it. Not to the point he couldn’t get his car. But where he drank too much and was obnoxious.

He was supposed to go out with my work friends on Friday night but he was sick. And I was kind of thankful. He felt better the next day and said he was coming to spend the weekend. We, Saturday, he got totally bombed when we were out. He was completely embarrassing and appropriate . We got in a huge fight and he left .for the casino. I was livid. He apologized profusely and I told him I won’t tolerate this anymore. Next time and we are completely done. He came over. No drinking and we went to the movies, but he slept through the whole thing. Memorial Day hit. We both had to work . He went to the bar after . He said he wouldn’t be there for long. I know he lost someone close when he was in Iraq. He was texting me and I could tell he was being obnoxious again .this time making fun of people from Nj. Whatever though . Then he calls me and I could hear the slur in his voice. I told him To run away to the casino as you usually do, because I am done. Guess what he did? Ran to the casino. I told him I am totally done as he was a liar and couldn’t keep a promise .he texted and called all night and I wouldn’t answer .

Yesterday he apologized. I told him I was done and that I hope he gets the help he needs because he has a serious problem. He went on to apologize for what he did. I told him in my life I need someone I can feel safe and cherished with, and he really just made me feel anxious and worrimost of the time .he apologized again. I simply wished him the best and that was it.


And , well, that was it. I don’t miss him and I honestly feel relived. The thought of having him around h friends this weekend gave me anxiety. It’s my birthday Friday and we were all supposed to hang out and go to a winery. I was literally afraid of what would happen if we drank too much. What am I sad for? Back to square one yet again. Sad that I cannot attract a healthy man. My past few options? An ex heroin addict, a guy with bipolar disorder. A pizza delivery guy on disability. And an alcoholic with PTSDand a gambling problem . Look,
I’m not the hottest woman alive. But I’m not awful on the eyes. I am a professional with a career. A good parent. Very responsible. Good friends and people genuinely like me and trust me . But I also know how to have lots of fun. I’m not the worst catch. I would think I can find a decent human.
But no such luck . It’s awfully depressing . And on Friday I turn 21 for the second time but it isn’t getting any easier .it’s looking bleak.

But truth is, instead of the casino getaway we had planned tonight, I’m happier with my daughter and my daughter fans his wife watching the hockey game .my anxiety is gone . I can spend time with friends without worrying he will be an arse. I joined this new intense gym that I love. I have been going a lot and focusing on it. Found out I have above average muscle. And a little too I hope fat. But I’m working on it. I look forward to the gym when I can go. I got a new mountain bike for my birthday and I’ve been planning local bike rides on some rail trails my life is full for the most part . It was just nice having a date. Someone to talk to at night . But the bad outweighed the good and I had to do what I had to do.

I do feel for him. Adopted. Only child. Both parents dead. 2 ex wives abs an ex GF who cheated . He’s alone in the world. Bit putting forth no effort to keep the people he cares about his life . On his drunken bender he said to me “
Why should I grow up? I’m 51 and have nothing “ I don’t need a child in my life or someone o have to worry about. Felt too much like my mom and my ex husband.

So basically, I am single again less
Than a week before 21x2. I may always be single. I know this is my fault and I chose to trust too much. I was aware of the red flags, but I trusted. There is only so much you can do.

So , that it. Single again and probably forever . I tried and failed again. And I’m good. Focus is on me .

[DonH]

I’m so sorry to read this Ginger. I was just thinking of you, might have even been today. If not today it was after visiting here and seeing basically no activity. So few people left and even those who are post very little while others feel the need to block posters who force them to look at the truth. In your case I was concerned that you had not posted at all about this new guy you. I was pretty sure that was because you didn’t want to hear what we’d have to say if you provided the truth. If it was going well it would only make sense you’d want to tell us how wonderful things were and how happy you were. The silence was deafening. Now I see why.

I give you huge compliments for being forthcoming and honest now. I know you feel bad. You deserve so much more. Why would you even let it go this long with the blinding red flags flying everywhere. This guy is clearly not worthy of you. He was showing who he is. It was clear. You knew it. You just didn’t want to.

More for another time. For now be happy with yourself for putting a stop to it sooner than later. There are more lessons to be learned but you deserve so much more than a guy like this. He’s badly damaged and clearly an addict with multiple addictions - booze, gambling, no doubt others.

Please don’t take him back. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE. This guy should have been gone weeks ago. You tried. You did not fail - he did. If it’s between a guy like this or being single - choose single. You are worth more.

[Traveler]

We did have fun together until the last week.

This is what I would focus on! As long as dating is fun, it's no big deal to put yourself out there, experience a few good months, then move on. To me, the learning process is better boundaries, so ain't nobody gonna break my stride.

Single again and probably forever

Not so bad, right?

[Ginger1]

Hey Don! Thank you. I’ll start by saying ,even if things were going wonderfully. I probably wouldn’t have posted for a while. I am in the process of learning to trust myself either way and making my own decisions that I didn’t want the noise either way so I could focus on my own thoughts and signals.

You don’t get to your 40’s and 50’s without baggage and red flags. None of us do. It’s all how you carry it and wave them . I do have more compassion for those who have had a rough life and been through trauma. I have myself. And i have my baggage . Fortunately, I have worked hard to carry it well. My trauma has affected me in the area of men, obviously and I’m still learning . Otherwise I’ve done some good work and I’m a relatively stable person l.

So I saw his red flags and baggage. I did not ignore them. I had nothing to lose to see how it played out and how it worked out. Well, he carries it horribly. And the first time it really affected me and he apologized and said he didn’t want to be that way. I asked him “what are you going to do differently so that it doesn’t happen again and you can be the person you want?” He game some weak steps and didn’t follow through. I stuck to my boundaries. Because I did say I don’t want this kind of behavior in my life. It was giving me anxiety and I don’t even have anxiety.

He had zero responsibilities a 4 hour a day job and minimal rent. No one else to take care of . No real plan for the future. He lives like a college kid. Fun all the time . Get money, go gamble or buy concert tickets. I, on the other hand have a ton of responsibilities and I am a responsible person. I think through everything . I plan. I save for the more costly fun stuff I want to do. I am also tons of fun on the flip side. I know how to let loose and have a good time. I go out with my friends get drinks, see concerts, etc. just responsibly. He talked a big game about what he wanted for his future and with us but did nothing to work towards it. He did not make me feel safe at all and I began to feel like I was parenting . An adult. And my kid is more responsible. I also want a boyfriend who I’m not worried about bringing around my friends . I was terrified that he would act the fool. Did I want too long? Probably. But I did what o had to do when I had to do it and that’s a change for me

Yes, being alone is so much better than being with a guy like this .
I’m more excited to refocus on my new hobby of bike riding and my time in my gym . I’m loving the gym!!! I have some projects around the house I want to take care of. I don’t have a travel buddy or anything but I have friends to spend some time with . Do I wish I had a partner? So much. But I dream of a nice stable guy . Baggage, hit Carried well. Decent job, likes to have fun , but also takes care of business. And I really do think I’m a decent catch by the way of me being well balanced. It’s just getting much harder the older I get.

The good stuff in my life is that my kid is doing great. She’s been so into the hockey playoffs we watch games together every night. She’s doing well in school, doesn’t get in trouble, abs has solid friends and she still likes to spend time with me. She talks to me too, which is nice. Work is work. I didn’t get the promotion as we all know, but people to agree that I would have probAbly been miserable on that job downstairs in that office. Me and my partner social worker are the ones everyone else want to work with and the doctors talk about what a great team we are in their meetings and say we are their favorites as well. We are the dream team of case management and social work, lol. I wish I made more money, but it is what it is. With the gas prices. I’m happy to work 10 min from home.

I’ll surely be fine. I’m sad, but just sad I’m single yet again and daunted by more dating when I chose to do so. But I don’t miss him. I do get down on myself that I can’t find a suitable healthy partner for my adulthood and it must be me. I just have to believe in myself more I guess.

[LH19]

Things went “fast” with me and the Texan.

I would say they went twice as fast as a typical CW relationship.

Well, fast on his end, anyways. I was still skeptical, but trying to enjoy the ride. We did have fun together until the last week.

What was fun in the beginning?

I apparently can’t attract a healthy man.

Can't or aren't interested in healthy men?

Well, I also realized he has a drinking problem. Like, as you all know, I like to drink, but I am generally responsible . He was a 51 year old man who would just get hammered. I mean completely hammered. And when he does? Obnoxious and kind of racist. And to make matters worse when he got to that point? He would run away to a casino and gamble the money away he made that day.

I believe you saw this right away yet...............

I ordered him an Uber and got him home. I was PISSEd! He promised he wouldn’t do that again . also, it was my mothers birthday. My mother who was an addict and took her own life. 2 days a year I allow feelings towards my mother . Her birthday and her death day. He knew this. But he was so self absorbed

It should have ended on Mother's day which was like 3 1/2 weeks ago.

Well, twice more in the week he did it. Not to the point he couldn’t get his car. But where he drank too much and was obnoxious.

So much for promises.

He was supposed to go out with my work friends on Friday night but he was sick. And I was kind of thankful. He felt better the next day and said he was coming to spend the weekend. We, Saturday, he got totally bombed when we were out. He was completely embarrassing and appropriate . We got in a huge fight and he left .for the casino. I was livid.

I'll bet!

He apologized profusely and I told him I won’t tolerate this anymore.

Ultimatum came way too late!

He came over. No drinking and we went to the movies, but he slept through the whole thing.

Spit my coffee

Then he calls me and I could hear the slur in his voice. I told him To run away to the casino as you usually do, because I am done. Guess what he did? Ran to the casino.

Well he's consistent

I told him I am totally done as he was a liar and couldn’t keep a promise .he texted and called all night and I wouldn’t answer .

Good for you!

Yesterday he apologized. I told him I was done and that I hope he gets the help he needs because he has a serious problem.

A 51 year old war vet with PTSD and a drinking and gambling problem is NEVER going to change.

He went on to apologize for what he did.

His words mean nothing.

I told him in my life I need someone I can feel safe and cherished with, and he really just made me feel anxious and worrimost of the time .he apologized again.

That's what every woman wants.

I simply wished him the best and that was it.

You did the right thing!

And , well, that was it. I don’t miss him and I honestly feel relived.

I bet!

The thought of having him around h friends this weekend gave me anxiety.

When it's right you will be excited to have a man meet your friends.

It’s my birthday Friday and we were all supposed to hang out and go to a winery. I was literally afraid of what would happen if we drank too much. What am I sad for? Back to square one yet again.

I thought he wasn't invted to girls night out?

Sad that I cannot attract a healthy man.

You can. Healthy just isn't your number one priority.

My past few options? An ex heroin addict, a guy with bipolar disorder. A pizza delivery guy on disability. And an alcoholic with PTSD and a gambling problem .

Yikes!

Look, I’m not the hottest woman alive. But I’m not awful on the eyes.

So are you saying you're avg?

I am a professional with a career.

This means mothing to a man.

A good parent. Very responsible. Good friends and people genuinely like me and trust me .

This means nothing to a man.

But I also know how to have lots of fun. I’m not the worst catch. I would think I can find a decent human.

You 100% can find a decent human being if you so choose.

But no such luck . It’s awfully depressing . And on Friday I turn 21 for the second time but it isn’t getting any easier .it’s looking bleak.

It's getting harder because women have less options the older they get.

But truth is, instead of the casino getaway we had planned tonight, I’m happier with my daughter and my daughter fans his wife watching the hockey game .my anxiety is gone .

Peacefulness is good.

I can spend time with friends without worrying he will be an arse.

I thought it was a girls night out?

I joined this new intense gym that I love. I have been going a lot and focusing on it. Found out I have above average muscle. And a little too I hope fat. But I’m working on it. I look forward to the gym when I can go.

This is the best part of your post!

I got a new mountain bike for my birthday and I’ve been planning local bike rides on some rail trails my life is full for the most part .

Awesome!

It was just nice having a date. Someone to talk to at night .

Actually it sounded pretty horrible.

I do feel for him. Adopted. Only child. Both parents dead. 2 ex wives abs an ex GF who cheated . He’s alone in the world. Bit putting forth no effort to keep the people he cares about his life . On his drunken bender he said to me “ Why should I grow up? I’m 51 and have nothing “ I don’t need a child in my life or someone o have to worry about. Felt too much like my mom and my ex husband.

You didn't break him and you can't fix him.

I may always be single.

Maybe but highly unlikely.

I know this is my fault and I chose to trust too much.

You chose to ignore major red flags. That never ends well.

I was aware of the red flags, but I trusted. There is only so much you can do.

You can ignore reality but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.

So , that it. Single again and probably forever . I tried and failed again. And I’m good. Focus is on me .

Just another guy in NJ you are not compatible with.

So few people left and even those who are post very little while others feel the need to block posters who force them to look at the truth.

So I noticed yesterday I have more "likes" than most if not all posters but I think I am blocked by at least 4 posters. Interesting.

In your case I was concerned that you had not posted at all about this new guy you. I was pretty sure that was because you didn’t want to hear what we’d have to say if you provided the truth. If it was going well it would only make sense you’d want to tell us how wonderful things were and how happy you were. The silence was deafening. Now I see why.

Don I had the boards back while she was silent. She chose to ignore me though lol. Them damn trees in the forest lol.

I give you huge compliments for being forthcoming and honest now. I know you feel bad. You deserve so much more. Why would you even let it go this long with the blinding red flags flying everywhere. This guy is clearly not worthy of you. He was showing who he is. It was clear. You knew it. You just didn’t want to.

I can't disagree with Don. You are lucky the damage was minimal. The guy seems really unstable and things could have been a lot worse. Onward and upward.

[Ginger1]

I don’t think I ignored anyone .i said I see what I see and eyes wide open. It wasn’t ignoring . It was observing. And I did what I had to do when i felt I had to do it . And Im
not going back on it