I will. Qq, as I'm still learning. As anticipated, STBXW is going to ask for help around the house. For example, moving furniture or painting or whatever. Without sounding like a d*ck, what is the detached response that doesn't help? Other than stonewalling which would not come across well, I'm wondering what to say. Some things I don't want to do are obvious: "that's not something I want to do". But I don't want to be on her beck and call. Maybe give a time in the future, and not now?
You are right, she's done. She told her parents finally.
I looked at her today, and felt sorry for her. I can't image how she felt when she told her parents. Today my S acted up, and I wasn't around. I could see it in her face the realisation there will be days like this, and I won't be around.
I'm off to the gym. After 8 months of hard work, I finally hit my 2nd weight loss goal. I'm now 3/4 through my transformation.
L was very helpful. Highlighted the ignorance of what XW was throwing at me and I have a stronger position than what I thought. Kind18 was spot on on the advice of child custody. I feel I have the knowledge to properly position myself when future conversations arise. My only decision now, is do I push for the settlement now, or wait until it's clear the house is selling? I'm going to sit on that decision for a week to get some breathing room.
This is why I tell LBSs all the time to consult with a lawyer! It was one of the best things I did in my own situation. It is hard to say it words just how beneficial mentally it was to me. But I've yet to hear of a LBS that has done it and regretted it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You are right, she's done. She told her parents finally.
I looked at her today, and felt sorry for her. I can't image how she felt when she told her parents. Today my S acted up, and I wasn't around. I could see it in her face the realisation there will be days like this, and I won't be around.
I'm off to the gym. After 8 months of hard work, I finally hit my 2nd weight loss goal. I'm now 3/4 through my transformation.
All just part of the process. Onward and upward!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I can't image how she felt when she told her parents.
Try not to bother imagining.
Originally Posted by Josh_T
Today my S acted up, and I wasn't around. I could see it in her face the realisation there will be days like this, and I won't be around.
Maybe that was her thought, maybe not. Single parenting can be quite tough at times. Both of you will be exhausted some weeks. I've been fortunate to have family close by supporting me, lean on yours if you do?
Originally Posted by Josh_T
I'm off to the gym. After 8 months of hard work, I finally hit my 2nd weight loss goal. I'm now 3/4 through my transformation.
Awesome! Keep it up!
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
You are right, she's done. She told her parents finally.
Josh I am no psychic these situations all typically play out the same way. If you want to reconcile it is going to have to be down the road. SteveLW believes that eventually 90% of the WWs will want to reconcile and some point unless the WW dies first. I am 4 years divorced and my WW hasn't tried but I haven't exactly left the road home paved. I can tell you that her life isn't how she planned either. She's still alive so we shall see.
Originally Posted by Josh_T
I looked at her today, and felt sorry for her. I can't image how she felt when she told her parents.
Yeah I bet it was difficult. Believe it or not no one wants to get divorced. Telling the parents is a pretty good sign that there is no turning back in the near future.
Originally Posted by Josh_T
Today my S acted up, and I wasn't around. I could see it in her face the realization there will be days like this, and I won't be around.
Yeah so you need to stop this kind of thinking. You don't want her back to be her living babysitter. You want her back because she desires you as a man. We have had people recon for the wrong reasons where they are either BD again or they live their life waiting for the other shoe to drop. Not a fun life! It's gonna take some time and you have to fix your anxious attachment first or you are going to go through relationship after relationship.
Originally Posted by Josh_T
I'm off to the gym. After 8 months of hard work, I finally hit my 2nd weight loss goal. I'm now 3/4 through my transformation.
I am 4 years divorced and my WW hasn't tried but I haven't exactly left the road home paved. I can tell you that her life isn't how she planned either. She's still alive so we shall see.
Out of curiosity, what about her life hasn't gone as planned? Anything related to BD/D?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
LOL. BL I knew you were going to ask me that. The guy she thought she was going to get together with after D dumped her. Then she started dating a a guy I know who everyone knew it wouldn't last. I think they may still be dating but I saw her on a dating app a coupe weeks ago. No pic but 7 for 7 on key points including name, location, job title (which is unique). She was a monkey brancher when I met her, a monkey brancher when she left and not surprisingly apparently still a monkey brancher. Again I am not saying she isn't happier divorced I am just saying there are zero signs of that being the case.
Don't sell yourself short. Maybe you are a psychic!
Originally Posted by LH19
The guy she thought she was going to get together with after D dumped her. Then she started dating a a guy I know who everyone knew it wouldn't last.
Any clue after all that why she isn't thinking why did I break up my family for this? I know, not your monkey not your circus.
At times I struggle with how my ExW landed into a mirrored situation living with OM2, across from his sister, BIL and niece, with her mom moving back into town. I know I should drop that thinking and have done better but I hear these post-D dating stories and wonder how she stepped right into a seemingly perfectly fitting relationship/family life without skipping a beat.
Originally Posted by LH19
I think they may still be dating but I saw her on a dating app a coupe weeks ago.
That has to give you at least a small smile on your face and sense of validation, no? Also...it must be a weird feeling coming across your ExSpouse on a dating app. another poster mentioned a few months ago seeing their Ex on OLD platform with the "I'm am a sl*t" in the description LOL Bizarre.
Originally Posted by LH19
She was a monkey brancher when I met her, a monkey brancher when she left and not surprisingly apparently still a monkey brancher.
I guess many people don't change - it's hard enough to change even if you're actively trying.
Originally Posted by LH19
Again I am not saying she isn't happier divorced I am just saying there are zero signs of that being the case.
Gotcha. Makes sense.
Last edited by BL42; 05/03/2201:05 PM.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
