If you've never looked at the Mr Money Mustache site, I recommend it. Go on the Forums, and you can post your "case report" (I think they call it something else, can't remember what) and people can give you all kinds of ideas on how to get to a better place financially. And I agree with asking your ex for more financial help - it's ridiculous how little he pays.
Thanks for the suggestions and feedback. I can’t really tap into the equity of my home because my credit achieve that they run isn’t quite where they want it to be. I have consolidated debt I had a year ago and am paying it off . Only I accumulated more. And It’s not on frivolous stuff. I’m not living on ramen over here, but I’m not a big spender at all. Once in a blue moon I say screw if and do something nice or fun because it’s just not going to change the financial situation, it’s really just cost of living is more than I make. Not much I can do about that. Except make more Money at this point. And I already work OT.
That being said, our supervisor told us she is leaving today. She is having health issues and took a job close to home. If anyone recalls, this was the position people encouraged me to take when the last one retired, I didn’t pull the trigger and when I considers it, the spot was already filled by this person. Today upon the news, I had 2 people suggest I go for it. I don’t know what to do. I am scared of rejection. I am Scared of the change since I like my unit. Love working with my social worker everyday. It would definitely be more money. I don’t know what to do.
As far as my ex, I am not asking him for more money. He won’t give it to me. He nickels and dimes me. When we split some the big, it’s down to the cent. If we take our daughter to dinner, he splits the bill right down the middle. If I go through the courts I think at best I would get $50 More a month . Not worth it They live off of both of their salaries but child support is only figured off of his salary which is less than mine. So they get to vacation, not pay for nearly as much as I do and andhave 2 incomes contribute if towards the same mortgage amount , if not less than mine . I just got screwed in every way. He is the last place I can look for money. I’m not his problem and his daughter doesn’t lack anything, so why would he? I don’t think my struggle concerns him at all. Nor do I share them with him. The only time I ever would is when I can’t provide for our daughter. I still can, thankfully.
Everything just kind of stinks. Not much I can do about it. I’ve explored every avenue to solve my problems, but sometimes, there is not solution. I’ve just accepted it. I’ll work extra when I can, accept vacations and the frills are something i can’t have. At least my kid gets them with her dad and his wife, right?
Tomorrow is their 11th wedding anniversary. April fools. Who would have thunk they would make it is far and I would still never have remarried and still be single and struggling? Crazy, isn’t it?
I agree…go for the job! You might find out through conversations that you can bargain for the higher pay your want along with any changes you think would improve the offer. What do you have to lose? If you don’t get it, you are where you are now right?
I know it can be scary. But you got this!
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
I'm with kml and Elbereth on the job...go for it! I had a meeting with my director a month or two ago in which I told him I was happy with my current position and comfortable. He said he liked the happy but didn't like the comfortable, that growth comes from stretching out and being uncomfortable at times. I can understand why rejection could be scary or new responsibilities could be daunting, but more likely than not if you take a leap of faith you'll work through it to become comfortable in the new position plus reap the rewards of the higher pay and enhanced future career options.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
As far as my ex, I am not asking him for more money. He won’t give it to me. He nickels and dimes me. When we split some the big, it’s down to the cent.
That stinks. You taking on the majority of raising your daughter and getting the absolute minimal contribution from ExH.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I’ll work extra when I can, accept vacations and the frills are something i can’t have. At least my kid gets them with her dad and his wife, right?
It's that double edged sword we were talking about previously. Happy for the best interest of the kids, but also personal hurt which can't be separated.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Tomorrow is their 11th wedding anniversary. April fools. Who would have thunk they would make it is far and I would still never have remarried and still be single and struggling? Crazy, isn’t it?
Lucky me.
Ugh. Certainly not fair. I'm rooting for some karma, even if you won't for your daughter's sake.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
I left a job I liked for more money, moving in to a role I didn't like and it was a few years of awful. Just feelings wise it was depressing, boring, exhausting and I regret it until...the good side, I garnered so many skills and connections that I got in to a new sector and promoted to a better than original role. Still a corporate job but my God its far from as bad as my old role.
Back to you, and some things to think about: What have others in the role said previously about the job? Did they seem happy with it? Would you regret the lost connections despite gaining new ones? Is your current job fulfilling enough where a promotion out would ruin the feelings? Is the job right for you for years to come? Despite any discomfort from the role, would it be worth the gains?
In full man mode fixing feelings here....Finance ideas which I state for anyone interested, probably aware of many of these: switch to prepaid plans with your cell provider and save a fortune - my bill is under $35/month, never allow a credit card to charge interest, pay off your highest interest accruing debt when possible, cut streaming services-endless entertainment for free on rumble and Youtube, conserve electricity at home, find a cheaper gym, switch internet providers for a newbie discount, cut cable and house phones. All things that can help if they apply to you.
I'm lean as F financially right now. Still hard but it could be way worse. I leaned almonds, cashews and the like out of my diet and that alone was like $30 per month.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
One time many years ago I left bedside for more money and change of schedule. D was like 2.5 my ex and I couldn’t make my 13 hour shifts work anymore . I had an opportunity come to me ( later I realized I was set up to fail) I made it 6 months and cried every day. It was management at a brand new facility that was a mess. I got myself laid off on purpose ( wanted me to sign a non-compete 6 months in and I said no). I was so miserable.
The plus side is this time I know my whole staff. I know my job very very well. My direct micromanaging report has chilled a bit and I think she has a respect for me. I’ll miss being off the floor and interacting with my nurses and doctors and therapists. I’ll really miss the interaction I think. But I would probably mold that position to be more on the floors and less in the office which hasn’t been done before. My goal would also to be to streamline. There are somethings we have been doing the same way for years because that’s how it’s been done. And it’s just extra unnecessary work. I am Younger and fresher which would be helpful. I love am Calm, I chose my battles and I know which hills to die on .
I won’t have to work holidays and weekends. I just don’t know if I am allowed to keep my other per diem job which I would really like to do. The money is middle management more which is probably not a whole lot more, but nonetheless more.
Im Going to apply when the position becomes available. I have nothing to lose. You are all correct
I'm a day late and a dollar short, as usual, but I came to say I agree with the others in saying go for it because what do you have to lose and I see you have already agreed with that.
I know we work in different circles, but let me just say, I GET IT. I'm in the job market right now, though absolutely no fault on my part and it SUX. I totally get the rejection thing and I totally get not wanting to move on from something you enjoy. I do not want to leave where I am, but my sad reality is that, likely, in 2 months or less, the position I have won't even exist anymore. So I'm looking and I'm looking for things that are outside of my comfort zone. Rejection is real and scary, but I'd rather receive a rejection or 2 now, while I still have several months to look. I know our situations are different, but I still feel all that you are saying. I wish you luck and peace. You are good at what you do so hopefully those making the decisions will see that and you can embark on a new path that gives you a little breathing room financially.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I vote to apply for the job as well. It doesn't hurt to let them know that you are interested. Go for the interview and have your list of questions ready to ask.
As for your xh and his wife...they may be in debt up to their eyeballs. They may be the type of people that credit debt doesn't bother them since they are living paycheck to paycheck. I would not compare myself to them. You have been carrying the load financially for a long time in your household and have managed to keep afloat and yes, spend money for the extras for your daughter in the process. Don't be too hard on yourself. In today's market, it's difficult not to have debt with the way that inflation is going up and up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Definitely apply Ginger. Can’t hurt. Nothing says you have to accept it if they offer it to you and you decide against it. Also…I’m a big proponent of going to interviews for practice. That way, when a job comes along that you really want, you are good to go. (((HUGS)))
