We thread. Absolutely I can only take responsibility for my side of the street . I can’t be perercwct, neither can the person I am dating. We all have our flaws and have to own our own, not each others
I really don’t want to be so hard on myself anymore. I just don’t want to hurt anyone. And my past partners could have worked with me, as o was always willing to work with them. But that was never an option. I can’t make everything w prom perfectly for everyone
Validation. I like it but even when I get it, I feeel so awkward. My friend at work said to me, even when I go out with that guy, he’s going to like me, because I’m pretty, funny, and kind . It was so awkward to hear that that. And she is pretty funny, kind, and fortunately since she has never had to venture into the online dating world. But she thinks highly of me, but I feel so uncomfortable thinking highly of myself. I don’t know how to handle positive feedback.
Yea, that is kind of An awakening. I have me issues from childhood, but k will Likely always have them .i am ahead of the game because I recognize them. My mom never had interest in my world, and the only way I could be in hers was sure her interests. So we bonded over watching all my children or reading together on her bed ( our own books) while eating pumpkin seeds. I could only bond with with her while doing what she loved. She loved playing bingo so I would beg to go there and sit there while she played. I waitresses there for $4 in tips per night, just to feel close . d14 was upset her dad turned down free to gets to a hickey game ( the one his wife took her to) and couldn’t understand why he just wouldn’t want to go since she was interested:l. It saddened me. My ex knew how I felt about hockey and refused to go to a game With me or put it in the TV, and he doesn’t hate it:
I’m so done with my childhood stuff carrying over. It’s there, it’s not going anywhere. I’ll never be a perfect partner. Not will my partner ever be perfect.
It’s just lonely. But I know this is where I am supposed to be for some reason. Lots of self discovery lately. But I don’t want to be so hard on myself anymore. I want to stop and breathe and appreciate myself in the moment. I’m perfect imperfect. I’m stubborn sometimes .I’m hard to convince at times . But I will Love the sh!t out of my match who loves the sh!t out of me.
Whenever it’s supposed to happen.
And T- I am away with being a 5! There are guys where I was 10 in there eyes for a period of time .but yeah, looks wise I am average . And I don’t expect anything “above average” I am pretty .bit not “wow”. But to the right guy, I am a 10/AP for sure.
3.5 years. A whole different dating pool !
Last edited by job; 03/20/2212:09 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
Miss Ginger, the flow of this post makes me think you were having a little fun last night.
Originally Posted by ginger1
I really don’t want to be so hard on myself anymore.
As the saying goes, we are our own worst critics.
My take, on your take on validation and it's ties to your childhood is probably on point. As a kid, maybe you didn't get the attention you shoukd have and when you did it was only when you weren't being yourself. You were being what someone else wanted. You also acclimated to little or no validation.
Maybe you don't need much validation and the directness when you get it is uncomfortable because understandably your used to a little bit. Someone who eats 1000 calories a day, suddenly having 3000 will feel sick. Does indirect validation have a more positive affect with you? There are probably a good number of guys that aren't over the top full of validation yet aren't so cold they would feel like dark triad trait exemplifiers.
The last guy, for you seemed way too interested and overbearing. He may not be for some, but for you, it seems like to me he tried too hard and gave too much attention. It sounds like you want a guy who wont put you on a pedestal but who has his own thing going on, and that you both better each other but are not each others entire world.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I'm so done with my childhood stuff carrying over. It’s there, it’s not going anywhere. I’ll never be a perfect partner. Not will my partner ever be perfect.
I'm sure you know this, but that is ok. None of us will be. You can be a BETTER partner than today but perfect? Never. And honestly does anyone want perfect? It would be boring!
Originally Posted by Ginger1
It’s just lonely.
Don't forget to have fun with Ginger. I have so much fun sometimes doing what I want to do when the kids aren't with me that sometimes I forget to check in on my friends. Like how could I make time for a date when I'm busy checking out an old game, watching a good movie, beautifying the house, trying a new exercise. A date seems so boring to me.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I am away with being a 5!
I'm guessing you thinking of yourself as a 5 and being a self critical person then you are probably above a 5. You mention a pretty face...how many don't have a pretty face. Youre quite blessed if you have a nice face. Not much one can do with their face besides make up. Plenty one can do for their body, spirit and mind though.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
Haha! Only 2 beers. But I don’t drink much anymore so I’m becoming a bit of a lightweight. I’m working a long OT day today, had to go easy.
Someone sent me something from YouTube today that spoke of the “dark triad” which had me a little lost. But I got the gist. The overly nice complimentary people pleasing men are trying to get what they want . Then you have the guys who aren’t afraid to say no, can be meaningful with their compliments which Carries more weight usually. It shows strength. And I feel when I am validated meaningfully, complimented meaningfully, it means so much more and seems much more real and I am comfortable with that. Only in the middle of the two extremes is comfortable to me because it feels much more real to me and not gamey.
I do enjoy my Ginger time. My winter activity is Hot yoga and I’ve been enjoying that. Now that the nicer weather is here, I am looking forward to hiking and I have made a promise to make more time for it. I’m just emotionally lonely. It’s not so much as a physical presence I am lonely for. That’s that emotional intimate connection that I don’t have that is reason for my loneliness. I can entertain myself just fine, I’m usually pretty busy and I do have a little bit of a social life.
As far as physical attributes. I think once you reach a certain age, attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. By 40 there are so many different shapes and sizes of people, different changes each gender’s body goes through, babies that were had, hair that was lost, lol. We aren’t what we used to be, that’s for sure, and I think with that, most of us look at attractiveness differently. I have some defining features that are likely to be really attractive to one guy because those features carry weight for them. Another guy might find those features attractive, but they don’t carry too much weight for them. I am a sucker for a guy with a dark beard and light eyes. Drives me nuts. I am also turned on by blue collar types and a guy in a nice suit is nice and all, but won’t get me going like a guy in a nice fitting pair of jeans and a t shirt who is a little rough around the edges. So I don’t think at my age it’s so much “hot by societies standards” anymore. It’s hot by our own. But I do not try to rule out someone I am not immediately wowed by their pictures, because I think we could possibly lose out on some truly great people in this world by saying “ hmmmm, legs are too skinny” or “ she got a little bit of a belly”
Just interested in finding someone who accepts me as I am and vice versa and thinks I’m cute and vice versa. We make eachother laugh, we don’t just people please and we keep it real because we can because we are comfortable with ourselves
Someone sent me something from YouTube today that spoke of the “dark triad” which had me a little lost. But I got the gist. The overly nice complimentary people pleasing men are trying to get what they want . Then you have the guys who aren’t afraid to say no, can be meaningful with their compliments which Carries more weight usually. It shows strength.
I’m not sure what you watched on the dark triad, but I think you might be taking the wrong lesson from it.
Yes, guys who are overly flattering could be on the dark triad - but I don’t think your last date was that. Just a lonely needy guy.
What you need to be aware of is your tendency to gravitate towards those emotionally unavailable guys. Just because this guy wasn’t right for you doesn’t mean that you’re not deserving of an enthusiastic partner.
So let’s say he says “ can’t wait to see meet you” Enthusiastic or needy?
Neither. They started to say, "Can't wait to see you", changed to "Can't wait to meet you.", but then didn't care enough to proofread their message before or after sending it. I doubt the person sending it is enthusiastic or needy.
I have been on enough dates in my adult life, I certainly know the difference. I’ve never knocked down a guy for saying “ I’m looking forward to meeting you” it was everything else that came with it. He never replied to my text, which I am honestly grateful for.
Last 3 dates were a “no” for me. I hope my next ( no, I don’t have one lined up) wakes something up inside of me. Has me excited for a second. Has me laughing with some attraction flying that is mutual. My batting average [censored] here.
My D got her first babysitting gig tonight. I made her do online CPR training and a babysitting class. She completed it and her aunt advertised her to her town mom group ( it’s the town over from mine, and it is $$$$ over there). Within a half hour of the advertisement up, she is interviewing with one family and then got a gig for tonight . A single mom With a 7 month old and a 2.5 year old. And the 74 year old aunt was home to help. She wanted to go out with her boyfriend
For such short notice, she is making $180 for 3.5 hours! She already wants her for another job . The down side is I have stay awake past 10 pm to pick her up, lol.
So, I decided I’m quitting my job and babysitting for the rich people.
