You are correct, H has to want to heal and come back. And he has a long road ahead of him.
Be careful sharing with MIL. In the end, she is his Mom.
That being said, your responses were very good. You handled yourself perfectly.
Keep to the business at hand. This is just a business deal gone sideways. And well done sticking to your boundaries and your path. MIL sure did apply some pressure.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
And you don't need to abandon your MIL if you don't want to - just let her know that your relationship with her is your relationship, but that you won't be discussing H with her anymore. Then change the subject.
I concur with what others have said. My MIL lived in the suite in our home so I saw her every day…for 13 years. She was my rock when XH abandoned us for his fake medical treatments and when I found out about his double life, she found out about it at the same time. She was mad too but I doubt she ever really let him know that. He is her only child and when you have all your eggs in one basket, you don’t want to risk tipping it over. So while she had a lot of empathy for me, at the end of the day, she is still his mom.
Case in point…I initially bought XH out of his part of our home and lived there for a couple years before I decided it was time to really move on. So I sold my share of the house back to XH and he and OW moved in. So now she lives with them and sees OW every day. My kids also live there 50% of the time so it’s like everything is as it was except someone else is in my place. It doesn’t bother me anymore. XMIL and I still have a positive relationship. We share custody of my dog so I see her on dog exchanges and we have a good chat. We rarely talk about XH…only if she brings him up and usually it is in the context of his relationship with other family members. I listen but I don’t contribute much. Not my circus anymore, not my monkeys.
Next month, I am going to visit my first XH and his family. They love me just as much as they always did. XH’s second wife (they’ve been separated for 10 years) does not visit and doesn’t have the same relationship with the family that I do. That is more to do with her personality than it has to do with them as they are wonderful people and I’m sure gave her every opportunity to be close to them. She was not an affair. He met her a couple years after we split.
Anyway…you don’t have to end your relationship with his side of the family. It will just be a bit different. I am also still friends with XH’s cousins and we talk occasionally. His siblings are a lot younger and we are FB friends. It’s not the same but all they support me and want the best for me. Really….the only people I have lost in all of this who meant anything to me is XH.
Keep doing what you are doing Stella. There is life after this mess gets cleaned up a bit. (((HUGS)))
