Yes Stella - my ex wasn’t an addict but he had had several concussions, and when he finally left it was hard to watch him drive off what I considered to be a cliff. We are used to caring for our spouses after such a long marriage. But he was on his own journey and he had fired me from that job of caring for him. He’s not my responsibility any more, and although he’s messed up his relationships with our kids (entirely separate from the divorce) he seems to be managing well enough.
Focus on your life going forward. Think a bit about why you tolerated his alcoholism for so long and how you can avoid an active alcoholic partner in the future.
What was your anxiety attack about? What were the words you were telling yourself?
I just had the worst anxitey attack, called my sister and talked me through it. Never had one that bad, my brain just went off the rails, hard to explain. Took everything I had to just get through the last 3 hours.
Those attacks are sooooo hard.
Glad you could talk with your sister.
You explained it perfectly. Sometimes it’s hour by hour, sometimes it’s minute by minute.
You’re doing great Stella.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I just had to go back to bed, not sure if it was this new drug Escitalopram 10 mg or what but the attack I just had was real and bad. Thank god my sister answered her phone, told me to take my Alprazolom for the anxitey, it helped. I took the new drug yesterday and was fine. Today was 2nd dose. All I know is my brain just went completely haywire, and shot me down to the depths of hell. I feel better now, went back to bed for the last few hours, still not feeling 100%. Shacky anxcious.
I and others have talked to H about his drinking over the years. Friends have stopped going to major bowling trips with him because they said the got sick of playing "wheres H" and who's turn it was to babysit him. Since BD when I have mentioned his drinking being a problem or that he has been drinking heavy, he says "I know". IMO I don't think he can imagine his life without it.
After his 4th DUI he had to quit cold turkey for 8 monts, he was on house arrest and had to wear a alcohol monitoring device. We could not have any booze in the house, the policy would show up sporadically to check up. He also had to have the interlocking device on his car for a year and a half, and could not drink very much the night before or his car would not start. We live in a nice neighborhood, it was all very embarassing, I was so mad at him after this happeded. And I told him how mad and disappointed I was, how it was disrespectful to our life for him to be so irresponsible. I was so mad then that I had thought about leaving him, I told him all of that. But we worked through it , I didn't walk away. Now he gets ubers or his friends pick him up for everything. Well, now the OW just drives them all over wasted too.
He was mugged in Vegas once, got taken overnight robbed and dropped on the street. They took everything from him. He could have been killed. At first I did not believe him but there was a police report. I really don't know what needs to happen for him to hit rock bottom. He has to want help, but I don't see that happening. I wish it would, I wish he would see the damage he has caused, that he is causing to the people that really do love him.
The more I learn about alcoholism and the effects, I really see that it is more that, than the A. If he hits rock bottom and reaches out for help, I will be there for him. D or not.
He has a friend that he was close to from High School who distroyed his life drinking. In and out of jail, homeless, half way houses. He stopped hanging out with him because he could see where his life was leading and there was not helping him.
His step brother, owns a bar, is now 2 years sober, his Grandma was a alcoholic and got clean when H was 3.
Kml, I don't know I was fine last night, woke up tood the new meds with some food and it started shortly after. To be completly honest, I was having thoughts of ending it, and fear, strong thoughts. My sister and my cats saved me this morning. This is destroying me down to my core. Right now I just feel completly wiped out.
I experienced anxiety and had suicidal thoughts after J’s departure. It’s a terrible hellish landscape to walk through. (My own personal rock bottom by the way.) Ripped apart, right down to my core. And yes, brain all haywire, trouble breathing, scared, sweaty, feelings of dread and doom.
I was so ashamed of myself and what had happened to me. I believed J’s poisonous words; she was my wife, and she had my absolute trust and faith. Gosh, what a horrible time that was.
I did get a prescription for antidepressants and had actually lied to the doctor when he asked; I didn’t tell him of my thoughts. Luckily, I read the entire warning paperwork and discovered how it might increase suicidal thoughts. I was so scared, I certainly didn’t need anymore of those, so I never did take any of the drugs.
If I had only told my doctor, he probably could have provided me some better relief. Funny, not sure why I didn’t, he is a trusted family friend. He’s been over for piano concerts at my house and Christmases. Shame I suppose. Emotion is powerful stuff.
At that time, I had not found this place. I was pretty alone. Guess I’m just letting you know you are among friends who understand and care about you.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Thank you, Yes, I have had the suicidal thoughts, and I lied to the doctor too. I did read the paperwork and it does say it increased suicidal thoughts as well. I will not take it tomorrow and call them back on Monday. I have been resting all day and trying to drink alot of water to help flush it our. I have had a heavy aching in my chest, shakes, pounding heart beat, cant get warm, throughout the day. It seems to be getting better, my head is still foggy and have a headache. I was so scared this morning, I can not even explain the fear. I have never felt like that, the fear and panic, hard to breath. I was ready to check myself in for a 72 hour hold.
I kept thinking of my fur babies and there is no way I could leave them, and my family, called my sister once it all crashed in on me. Sure felt like rock bottom to me, I don't want to feel like that again.
Thank you, D & K I do not like what this is doing to me. I also called and made another appointment with my IC for this Monday.
One of the best things to come out of all this (there's a best thing? out of THIS? What's she talking about!!!!) is the opportunity to regain yourself. The young you, the independent you, the you before you married and had to twist yourself into half of a couple.
The you that gets to decide what to do, when to do it, what to eat, where to travel, who to visit. Find that girl again.
You never have to feel like this again, once you get through this, Stella. Never. And you will get through it. Keep trying to flush out the meds. Talk to the dr. If it's not better tomorrow, call him. Someone has to be on call.
You are not alone, Stella, we are all here for you. xoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Yes, I have had the suicidal thoughts, and I lied to the doctor too.
Don’t fret. You and I, we are in good company.
Originally Posted by Stella20
I have had a heavy aching in my chest, shakes, pounding heart beat, cant get warm, throughout the day. It seems to be getting better, my head is still foggy and have a headache. I was so scared this morning, I can not even explain the fear. I have never felt like that, the fear and panic, hard to breath. I was ready to check myself in for a 72 hour hold.
Looking back from the perspective of four years, and plenty of reading and talking to folks, you my dear Stella are quite normal. (In case you were wondering. I know I certainly was worry about myself back then.) And, I believe these emotions and fears and all, are revealed as our minds and hearts heal enough to be able to accept them. Before then, our mind keeps these from us so we don’t just fall completely apart.
I can assure you, these horrible emotions are temporary. Necessary, yes. And temporary.
Just focus on you. And breath. When you are within such a state, you only need to breathe. (((Hugs)))
Originally Posted by kml
(there's a best thing? out of THIS? What's she talking about!!!!)
LOL.
kml is one smart gal. She is correct. Find yourself. The young independent you.
For me, my situation was the most horrible and profoundly incredible experiences of my life. I’d never wish this upon anyone, and yet I’m very happy to have gone through it. The blessings are so worth the temporary struggle.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
