Well aren't we being a judgy group? It's been my observation that kids these days suffer generally from much higher rates of depression and anxiety than in my generation. As the parent of three kids who have suffered from (variously) depression, anxiety, OCD, Tourette's, Asperger's, anorexia and bulimia and drug addiction, I will say tough love is NOT always what is called for.
Andrew's son isn't a slacker, he has some issues. And it can be darned hard as a parent if solutions aren't readily available or your child is resistant to those solutions.
I'm happy to say all of my kids are doing pretty good these days (NO thanks to their father) but none of them as good as I had hoped by this time. I am still having to parent them in some ways and my ex is zero help, so I hear you, Andrew.
I don’t think anyone was calling him a slacker. I t don’t think any of that is tough love. It’s just love. Love is teaching your kids to grow and stand on their own, but knowing you’ll be there if they are really in trouble. Nearly everyone feels anxiety, depression, stress, etc. i think teaching how to manage those while growing as an adult is just plain old love
I don’t think anyone was calling him a slacker. I t don’t think any of that is tough love. It’s just love. Love is teaching your kids to grow and stand on their own, but knowing you’ll be there if they are really in trouble. Nearly everyone feels anxiety, depression, stress, etc. i think teaching how to manage those while growing as an adult is just plain old love
Teaching how to manage is good. Declining to offer support unless they join a trade school? Not so much.
Some of the advice given would be absolutely wrong for, say, a suicidally depressed kid, a kid on the autism spectrum, a kid in some kind of crisis. My middle son quit a job without lining up another one - I wasn't happy about it at the time. But it was absolutely the right decision, his (as yet) undiagnosed Ehlers-Danlos syndrome was causing him excruciating pain with all the driving he had to do for that job. He was trying to tough it out (my ex's family's philosophy) but it backfired and instead he worked until he simply couldn't do it anymore and had to quit. He did get a new job in short order, got his diagnosis and some medical help (very difficult to find for his rare condition, so proud of him for being able to navigate and advocate for himself). I helped him get a new car, an SUV which he can drive without his hips subluxing. He needed support, both financial and emotional, from me in that transition, not criticism or more pressure than he was already putting on himself.
Yeah, it's awesome that some of us were able to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps - but I also acknowledge the advantages that I had that made that possible. I have good brain chemistry, had good family emotional support, and knew 100% that I could always go back home if needed. I don't suffer from anxiety, depression, or any of the other things that my children have faced. That doesn't make me better or tougher than them, just luckier. I also was a young adult in a time when a part time job at a diner was enough money to pay my rent and bills in a shared house during college- not possible today where we live, or most places in the US.
Andrew - I know he's not easy to talk to, but did he say what it was he didn't like about the job? Was it personal (bad manager or coworker stuff) or the job itself (hours, nature of the work)? I don't know how it is in Canada but here in the US there are lots of jobs available. If it's like that he may not have any trouble getting a new job, but it does seem like a good time to have conversation with him about future plans and goals. Would he like to go back to school of some kind now that he has had a taste of working blue collar jobs? Would he like to just find a different kind of work he enjoys better, or that has better room for advancement?
I think I’m being misunderstood. I said I wouldn’t just put it out there “bank of dad is open” . I suggested offering money help with a career path.
I’m sorry your kids have been through so many mental issues, K. That must be really difficult for all involved. But I don’t think every kid has issues to this extent. andy has never mentioned that his son does. Some anxiety and depression he might have mentioned, but those are very manageable unless they keep you clinically disabled while being treated. I mean, nearly every single chart I read has a diagnosis of anxiety and depression on it. But they are all pretty high functioning adults who hold down careers and jobs. It can be done. Andrews son did have a job for long while. Do I think it’s irresponsible to let a job go without having a back up? Yes, I do. Unless it was really that bad of a situation with harassment and bullying, which I pray it wasn’t.
Andrew, I’d there is something truly medically and mentally amiss with your son, I hope he seeks out the help he needs to get on a path with direction and get mentally healthy.
Yean but back then you could see a movie, get a popcorn and a soda for a nickle.
I get the impression kml is slightly older than me, but quite a few years shy of the age of Nickelodeons (1905-1915). By the 60s, an average ticket cost a full dollar (or about $11.50 when adjusted for inflation), by the 70s twice that!
I do love that to this day there are other opportunities to see films for cheap or free.
Andrew, I’d there is something truly medically and mentally amiss with your son, I hope he seeks out the help he needs to get on a path with direction and get mentally healthy.
He has some anxiety and depression but heck, who doesn't these days. He's doing so much better than when he flunked out of university and moved in with me with no prospects and no plans all those years ago.
He's going to be fine. He knows he's loved and that his father is there for him. And I think he's very happy about not having to worry about being unable to see going in and out of the freezer section and having his glasses ice up
He'll figure it out on his own and doesn't need me to fix anything for him. I'm a Dad though, so I care and I worry.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
