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#2928938 01/26/22 02:04 PM
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Please Post on this thread if you need to NOTIFY , JOB or me


Please give us a post # or a link to the post, and anything else for us to find what you are notifying about.


Me-70, D37,S36
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Cadet #2933698 05/10/22 12:26 PM
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Hi Cadet,
Can you delete 2 of my post 2933630 and 2933654, I put too much personal info in them.
Thanks
Stella

Stella20 #2933700 05/10/22 03:02 PM
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Stella,

They have been deleted.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Cadet #2934744 06/09/22 02:19 AM
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Moderators,

Not sure why Insecure's thread in the Newcomer's forum titled LRT Advice Please?? was locked?

job's message says:

"Please start a new thread. You are 71 postings over the 100 limit. I will link up your new thread to this one...but please link this thread to your new one. I am locking this thread."

Unless I'm mistaken Insecure just started the thread yesterday and it only has 25 replies.

Maybe it was a accident? If so, it should be unlocked...don't want to confuse/turn away a new poster.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
BL42 #2934765 06/09/22 03:15 PM
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Originally Posted by BL42
Moderators,

Not sure why Insecure's thread in the Newcomer's forum titled LRT Advice Please?? was locked?

job's message says:

"Please start a new thread. You are 71 postings over the 100 limit. I will link up your new thread to this one...but please link this thread to your new one. I am locking this thread."

Unless I'm mistaken Insecure just started the thread yesterday and it only has 25 replies.

Maybe it was a accident? If so, it should be unlocked...don't want to confuse/turn away a new poster.

Yes - thanks for the message, it is now unlocked.


Me-70, D37,S36
Cadet #2935456 06/30/22 02:14 PM
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I seem to be the target of cyberbullying by user LH. I previously reported LH's behavior towards May. Like Steve and Andrew, I've used the "ignore" button, but wherever I post he follows with personal attacks. Despite the possibility of retaliation, I feel it's my duty to take the next step and report this behavior to create a safer community for DivorceBusting members.

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2935454&page=8

Traveler #2935636 07/06/22 12:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Traveler
I seem to be the target of cyberbullying by user LH. I previously reported LH's behavior towards May. Like Steve and Andrew, I've used the "ignore" button, but wherever I post he follows with personal attacks. Despite the possibility of retaliation, I feel it's my duty to take the next step and report this behavior to create a safer community for DivorceBusting members.

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2935454&page=8

I am not seeing it on what has been posted - however I am trying to keep an eye on these conversations if I can.

I agree that you should ignore the advice that you feel is not helping you, while keeping in mind that most posters are trying to help you get unstuck.

Remember that most of us had failed marriages because of traits that we failed to see and change.


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Cadet #2935657 07/06/22 04:26 PM
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Cadet, posting on my "Life is Going Well VII" thread that I have "borderline psychopathic behavior", "Aspergers", and "some sort of syndrome or personality"--then on tt180's calling me "selfish"--looks like bullying to me. I've been clear any contact from him is unwanted, I'm using the Ignore button, and I've reported. Anyway, thanks for keeping an eye out! Perhaps something will change. PS - I don't feel stuck, my life's had some big upswings lately. Wishing the same for you and Job.

Traveler #2935662 07/06/22 04:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Traveler
Cadet, posting on my "Life is Going Well VII" thread that I have "borderline psychopathic behavior", "Aspergers", and "some sort of syndrome or personality"--then on tt180's calling me "selfish"--looks like bullying to me. I've been clear any contact from him is unwanted, I'm using the Ignore button, and I've reported. Anyway, thanks for keeping an eye out! Perhaps something will change. PS - I don't feel stuck, my life's had some big upswings lately. Wishing the same for you and Job.

So noted


Me-70, D37,S36
Cadet #2936159 07/15/22 09:25 PM
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Hi Cadet or Job, can you please remove all of my threads and posts from the board. Thank you.

OwnIt #2936162 07/15/22 10:25 PM
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We can move your threads to a safe place. As for your postings elsewhere, we can't.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Cadet #2937624 09/17/22 03:22 PM
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FYI--We appear to have lost yet another member over harsh comments that turned personal.

Originally Posted by Ginger
DnJ isn’t exactly the Mr. Nice he would like everyone to believe. But he’s doing a good job of snowing people.

Cadet #2937627 09/17/22 05:34 PM
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Please delete my threads.

Traveler #2937654 09/19/22 08:23 PM
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Done.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Cadet #2937661 09/19/22 09:23 PM
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job,

Rockon is one of the most recent initial posters on the Newcomer's board. He started a thread as recently as this week and it just disappeared today. I wonder if it was accidentally deleted?


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Cadet #2937664 09/19/22 10:45 PM
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Hi Job. I know you locked my thread, which I am happy about . Feel free to delete that one as well if it’s a problem. You can take the negativity down, it’s all good

Cadet #2939871 11/28/22 08:02 PM
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Originally Posted by LH
Traveler it's been like 10 years since you walked out on your ex-wife and you had one girlfriend outside your girls group so yeah choosing your gurus is wise.
Still being followed and bullied, with false and misleading statements to goad a reply. The mods have known forever LH does and have watched people leave over it so I don’t expect action, but still reporting. I have him on ignore but occasionally ignored comments appear.

Cadet #2939872 11/28/22 09:33 PM
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Mods I’d like to report Traveler for being a WS on a board meant for LBS. He has several times said he is leaving which is false and misleading. Please move to an immediate Article 742 and have him removed from the community. Thank you. LH19

Cadet #2939884 11/29/22 02:21 AM
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I returned to find "snitches get stitches". Think about what each word of this colorful phrase means: name-calling and a threat of physical violence as retaliation. Obviously, LH's threats do not intimidate me.

Cadet #2939892 11/29/22 11:17 AM
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You both need a freaking time out in separate corners. How is your behavior helping anyone? Good grief!


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
bttrfly #2939896 11/29/22 01:27 PM
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Originally Posted by bttrfly
You both need a freaking time out in separate corners. How is your behavior helping anyone? Good grief!
My bad BF I apologize.

It started because I suggested that posters read his threads before taking his advice. I stand by that statement. They should read my threads before taking my advice. I think my point has been made with him running to the mods. As for why he feels he's in danger by my "snitches get stiches" comment I am not sure. He changes his name for anonymity purposes so I have no idea about his true identity. Unless I walked up on a dude having his first date on a picnic blanket in the middle of the forest eating freshly made raspberry tarts with rosemary cinnamon buns, I would have no idea who he is in real life.

Anywho I promise no more "bullying" walk away spouses on here for me.

DNJ, Job sorry I am making your volunteering more difficult. I'll be better.

LH19 #2939897 11/29/22 01:53 PM
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LH,

People can post wherever they want on the forum. We have had posters state that they are leaving and yet, they are still here posting. We have posters that leave for a while and return at a later date.

Did you not read what we have posted to you about the behavior? If you continue down that path, you will leave the moderators no choice but to request that you be put on moderation and if that doesn't work, banning will be next. This is your last chance.

Don't apologize to me or DNJ. You owe the forum an apology because people are reading your postings and making decisions as to whether to stay or go. It's difficult enough in the real world to deal with bullying but we don't need to have it on here. Go back and read the board policies and you will see that one of the bullets is to be respectful to others.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Traveler #2939898 11/29/22 02:00 PM
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Traveler,

We are very well aware of the situation with you and LH. We have been monitoring his postings, as well as yours, for quite some time and will take the necessary action if the behavior continues.

I would ask that you continue to ignore his postings. I know you don't like his postings and the more you react to them and that includes notifying the moderators, the more challenging it is for that behavior to continue. The less you react, the better off you will be. Then again, the way you post, at times, causes others to react in a negative manner. Go back read some of your postings. You are not a saint either.

If you can't control you reaction to what others post in response to you, then maybe it's time to step away from the Board for a while. Allow things to cool down for a bit. Keep your side of the street clean and others will do the same for their side of the street.

In my opinion, both of you owe the forum an apology for creating so much drama. That drama takes away from what we are suppose to be doing, i.e., being supportive, listening and guiding. We are not suppose to be sitting on the sidelines watching the two of you go at each other.

If the situation continues, DNJ and I will be making some decisions as to what to do concerning the both of you. We do not want to ban posters, but in rare cases it is necessary to keep peace on this Board.

Last edited by job; 11/29/22 04:20 PM.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2939901 11/29/22 02:45 PM
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Originally Posted by job
It's difficult enough in the real world to deal with bullying but we don't need to have it on here.
Job with all due respect the Webster dictionary defines bullying as seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable).
If anything he was bullying R2C because he was trying to coerce posters into not reading R2C's recommended books.

I guess do what you need to do and ban me if you feel it's necessary.

job #2939902 11/29/22 02:46 PM
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Originally Posted by job
People can post wherever they want on the forum.
This sounds like a contradiction.

LH19 #2939904 11/29/22 03:28 PM
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LH,

Unlike others, I am not going to sit here and argue with you about the definition of bullying.

And no, it is not a contradiction as people can post on any forum that they want.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Cadet #2939905 11/29/22 03:31 PM
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I agree with job.

The philosophy and underlying principles of this board is to be more including rather than excluding. People are welcome to read, post, and have a thread where they feel comfortable. The guiding principles of the forum are reasonable and clearly stated. Everyone who comes here is to be treated with courtesy and respect.

It is normal and fine to not agree with someone. Be respectful when interacting. Or you can just move to the next thread or post, and say nothing. You control you!

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Cadet #2939907 11/29/22 03:55 PM
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I don't typically go against the grain of the boards....

However, I don't know if I totally agree with you Job...

In most regards I do. Being respectful and not bullying in the cyber world....

However, Nothing LH said was untrue, and most newer posters do not know the background of the people giving them advice. I feel that during one of the most troubling times in a person's life, they should know who and the background of the person giving the advice.

In most cases, newer posters take our advice at face value, because they are hurting and in emotional pain. Therefore our advice, in all seriousness, could possibly be the difference between someone making it or not as a person, let alone the marriage.

The poster in question has has their threads removed for whatever reasons, so that information isn't available.

One of my favorite lines from the United States Declaration of Independence is....

Quote
But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

Essentially....anyone that has the ability, holds the responsibility....

And I feel that LH was being responsible and the real issue is the history and agenda between these two. So how do you silence one without silencing both ? (rhetorical here)...

LH, we've had some prolific posters here that have been Walk Aways....

Sandi2, and Smartcookie, and damn,....even Jack3Beans was a WAS....

So please don't discount the potential for some really great insight....

Traveler, maybe "own" your path to getting here. And realize that nobody is out to get you, and not every situation is someone bullying you. You are a WAS, no matter how or why it happened. Try approaching things from that angle. I think things might change for you then.


I also feel that there has been too much time spent on this bickering and that it has taken away from the true essence of this board...

DO WHAT WORKS....
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD..
STOP GOING DOWN CHEESELESS TUNNELS

And this clearly isn't working...

You BOTH have a lot of experience to offer, and it would be a shame to lose that.


We are in this together, we all want to help, and we are all still here for one reason or another. We all take, and we all give for personal reasons.

So maybe we support each other a little better, and realize that we are all trying to help, however it may or may not look to another person.

Just my honest opinion....

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Cadet #2939908 11/29/22 04:01 PM
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Principles before personalties. DB principles before disparate personalities. We are all here for one purpose: to help the newbie. If you can't help, don't hurt. The board is bigger than any individual conflicts, or it should be.

This means BOTH of you, in my opinion, not that anyone asked. The constant running to mods because someone posts something you don't like is not helpful to the board as a whole. Allowing someone to trigger you to the point where you post something you later have to apologize for is not helpful to the board as a whole.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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job #2940252 12/06/22 06:29 PM
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Originally Posted by job
In my opinion, both of you owe the forum an apology for creating so much drama.

YUP - Unfortunately with the way the forum is set up there is not too much room to do anything else here.

So many functions no longer work the way they used to.

No moderator notifications, no real moderation other than either post or not.

The administrator accepts no nonsense.


Me-70, D37,S36
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Cadet #2940266 12/06/22 10:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Cadet
So many functions no longer work the way they used to. No moderator notifications, no real moderation other than either post or not.

So are you saying when Job said that the next step would be moderation, that was not true - or at least not accurate? Moderation is not even possible anymore? So the only option remaining is a sledgehammer to address every problem. If so at least it sheds some light.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
DonH #2940269 12/06/22 11:05 PM
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Originally Posted by DonH
Originally Posted by Cadet
So many functions no longer work the way they used to. No moderator notifications, no real moderation other than either post or not.

So are you saying when Job said that the next step would be moderation, that was not true - or at least not accurate? Moderation is not even possible anymore? So the only option remaining is a sledgehammer to address every problem. If so at least it sheds some light.

I will answer you on the other thread as I would like to keep this discussion in one place.


Me-70, D37,S36
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