As for still trying to figure things out - that's REALLY important. People that don't do that repeat the same mistakes when they choose their next partners, or make other errors trying to partner up too quickly.
I agree it's important to understand what you contributed to the downfall. Wondering why the other person left 4 years later is IMO a complete waste of time.
Originally Posted by kml
When I say that my ex was an idiot who had it all and that his leaving was about his own issues, I can say that with confidence not because of my own ego, but because I have examined my role, his role, made numerous changes, seen hundreds of similar situations here, and seen both his behavior since the marriage and the viewpoint of several men who have dated me since the divorce.
I agree. He left because he didn't see a happy future with you or had what he perceived as a better option. That is his issue and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you.
Originally Posted by kml
Maybe it would serve you to do more work on why you cheated, rather than just "I was unhappy and I saw a better future with someone else". That's okay for when you are just dating, but not for when you have taken wedding vows.
Well I never saw a better future with this woman. I was NEVER going to leave my W at the time for her. I got caught up in an EA that I shouldn't have that met some unfulfilled needs and I will regret it until the day I die.
Kate Cohen-Posey, a mental health counselor, says that “80% of those who part due to infidelity regret their divorce – both the betrayer and the betrayed.”
She believes that it’s because “people who divorce due to cheating have greater post-divorce distress than from other types of marital ruptures, and remain emotionally connected to their spouses.”
Why Do Some Couples Wish They Hadn’t Got Divorced? Among the reasons that most often make spouses regret their decision to divorce are:
feelings of loneliness; renewed love; the negative impact on children; financial problems, etc. The reasons for men and women differ.
Women regret divorce primarily because of children and insecurity. Men regret divorce mainly because they still love their ex-wife or because their following relationships keep failing.
Conclusion Statistical data suggests that at least one-third of people regret their marriage dissolution.
That number can rise to 80% for ex-spouses who chose the wrong reasons to get divorced and feel that it could have been prevented if both parties had put forth more effort.
Thus, we should remember that every serious decision concerning family can have long-lasting consequences and should be made with a considerable amount of thought.
Not much going on here. I've come down with something, probably Covid which hit me fairly hard on Sunday. I called my doctor's office and they said to isolate and not bother driving in to get tested. I got a good night's sleep, felt somewhat ok on Monday and Tuesday and then it hit me fairly hard on Wednesday. Feels just like a case of the flu but then again, I'm triple vaccinated so am likely getting off lighter than a middle-aged fat guy with a bum ticker would otherwise.
The doctor's office also insisted that all members of my household also isolate and asked their vaccination status. I assured them that the cat was up to date on all his feline shots and that both of us would stay home.
A couple of the guys at the plant have also come down with something too and have tested positive for Covid so the odds are pretty high that's what I've gotten. Given that there has been illness at the plant, the message came out to work from home if you can anyway over the weekend. The guys there are I hope taking more precautions than they have in the past to isolate etc. They'd gotten pretty lax over the past year.
My appetite has plunged, but my sense of taste is still there. Or at least the smoked kippers I had for breakfast certainly tasted nice - which they usually do for me. One advantage of living alone is that I don't have to worry about other people's sensitivities.
I have enough left-over haggis from Sunday to last a few weeks - going to have to package that up and freeze it I think.
The cat seems decently happy to have me around. He has a bed right in front of the vent in the home-office that he camps out in a lot of the time when I'm here. He's on my desk right now watching traffic out the office window.
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Working from home when ill isn't great. It's difficult to keep focus and since I'm doing stuff, the expectation from my colleagues is that I'm running at full throttle. I actually emailed in yesterday that I was taking a sick day - after setting up the production plan, dealing with some customer enquiries and then went back to bed with my phone on silent. Put in another 4 hours in the afternoon doing planning for today's loads - so much for "day off". I did get about 13 hours sleep last night though and feel a bit better.
I'm thinking that I'll keep isolating through the weekend. Even though I try to keep what I have around to a minimum, I have lots of food. I did clear out my driveway so that my neighbours will know that I'm still alive and have let the kids know that I've been ill. My daughter and I chat back and forth almost every day so she'll know something's up if she doesn't hear from me.
In related news, the photos I mailed to my daughter have finally arrived and she's having fun going through them. I'm glad I scanned them in post bomb-day. There's a lot that she's never seen, especially of her and her brother which is specifically what she was looking for. After he was born, with two small kids and busy lives, we stopped putting photos into albums and they just ended up in boxes on a shelf. There's a lot of her mother and the whole family too of course. I didn't purge those although I did purge the digital copies of pictures of my xWife's family that she had that didn't include any of us.
Her mother has all the originals - I put them into the boxes I packed of stuff to take but who knows where they might be. Heck, some of the boxes were of things that were still packed from her child-hood home nearly 30 years previously so I wouldn't be shocked if there's stacks of unopened boxes at her house. It still baffles me what she made an effort to take when she moved out and what was left. She took all the more valuable antiques, collectibles and artwork but left the picture of her parents sitting on top of the piano along with numerous other more sentimental things related to her family. But then she took the picture of me that had been on her bedside table. I still shake my head sometimes. She certainly appeared to be a very confused gal from the outside. And since she went through the house numerous times when I wasn't here on "shopping trips" she could have picked up anything she missed the first big pass through.
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The railway is continuing to have problems getting the job done - crew shortages were one of the reasons. It's been difficult for us but worse for the plant next door just down the line. They've not gotten a full switch in a couple of weeks and I believe have gone into shut-down. They're currently investigating if they can do some of their own intra-plant switching which they do a lot more than we do. For any intra-plant work we would do we would have to use the main line so that might not be an option for us. The railway is pretty particular about who is leaving cars laying around.
Given that we are primary commodity manufacturers I'm sure that these things that are affecting us are causing secondary and tertiary effects all through the economy. Going to be tough times for a while I think.
At least I have enough haggis and tea to last me for quite a while.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Sorry to hear you are feeling poorly Andrew. I think it is probably fairly safe to assume you have Covid. KML probably knows more than me but I have heard that loss of taste and smell is not a common symptom of Omicron the way it was for previous variants. Take care of yourself… lots of fluids and rest. I know a number of people who are vaccinated and caught it. Some described it as flu-like, for others it was a scratchy throat and sniffles. None of them had symptoms for more than a week. Hopefully it will be the same for you. (((HUGS)))
Yeah, Covid. Make sure you get enough rest - Covid can have an up and down pattern, pushing too hard tends to cause relapses. If you must work from home, pace yourself.
If you can work from home, I’d stay home the whole ten days, even if you feel fine earlier, and wear a good N95 or KN95 mask when you go back to avoid spreading the virus. Earlier studies showed Covid patients shedding virus up to twenty days, most ok after 14. We really don’t have great data on the combination of breakthrough cases (shorter shedding time in vaccinated) and Omicron (shedding way more virus, which could prolong infectivity).
Andrew, I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well, and glad you’re triple-vaccinated. I’ll defer to kml on bedside care but take care, get plenty of rest, snd drink some fluids.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sorry to hear that your number came up. It’s pretty clear at this point that everyone is going to get some form of Covid sometime in their lifetime, probably many times - just like we will get a cold or the flu or all sorts of other illness. It’s part of life. I seem to remember you being a very devout mask wearer though. Hmmmm. Guess the only way to really avoid it is to never leave your house and never let anyone in. Lots-O-fun that would be. It makes total sense not to bother seeking out a test. What would it change? Probably nothing. Just curiosity and nice to know. Now see, if you were a US citizen you could go online and order a Covid test that would arrive to your door in 10 to 14 days. LMAO. It is interesting your doctors office was pragmatic in saying don’t bother getting a test (it won’t change anything). This really is how we should have been dealing with this over a year ago. Get a bug, isolate, rest, get better. But then they asked if others in your house are vaccinated? What will this information provide? What good would it do? What does it change? Now asking you I get. But others who are symptom free????? Just nosy perhaps. It’s too late for them to get vaccinated now. Maybe they would offer some treatment if not vaccinated and positive?
I’m sure you’ll do fine like 99%+ of the others who are vaccinated, though it’s not a given but, very likely. You’ll also have T cell immunity and be much more protected from getting it again, at least for awhile. Another plus! Thankfully the trend in many places is clearly downward and will very likely continue falling through the summer and into the fall when it will rise up again. It used to be called cold and flu season. Now it’s going to be cold, flu, and Covid season. It’s now part of the human experience or the human condition. Get some rest and feel better soon!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
