So, when he walked away the first time, I slammed the door and put the hammer down to move forward without him. His loss.
I so wish I had this attitude day 1.
One of the few things I did right. LOL I have NEVER been a 2nd chance person though, so that made it easy for me to be able to just go, ok, you want out, well, don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you, bud. He could come crawling back right now, even if I didn't have Sparky, and it would take every ounce of couth I have in my whole entire fat girl body not to laugh like a donkey right in his face.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Happy sunny Sunday from Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan. Snow squalls are forecast for the afternoon but I'm not planning on going anywhere. I'll probably clean the driveway out after lunch if I'm feeling optimistic.
I finally finished reading The Man Who Was Thursday by GK Chesterton yesterday. A bit of a tough chew at the beginning but a stunningly excellent ending. There was a quote from there that I wanted to chew on for a while. "I wish I knew why I was hurt so much"
The character who said that was one who was humiliated and abused by the main antagonist (as were most of the other characters) and was given a chance to ask a question at the end of the book. It was never answered.
It hit home because like that character, even if I could ask that question, I would not get an answer and while I have accepted that I never will get any sort of answer, the lack of one does still haunt me. Less and less as time goes on certainly, but I expect there will always be the echo of that question in my memories.
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Enough of that. In a couple of days it will be Robbie Burns Day. I have everything in hand to make up my haggis, neeps and tatties for dinner tonight. I don't usually have dessert but will do up a small pound cake using my cut-down version of "Jeannie's" recipe. My book of Burns verses is close to hand and will keep me company. I've not seen my son for some weeks but certainly don't expect him tonight. Tomorrow at long last he's taking his final driving test and the only appointment he could get back in the summer was for tomorrow and a 4-5 hour drive away from home - staff shortages and covid protocols have been an issue all over for a long time now. I recall he said that he was going to drive up the night before and stay over so as to be fresh for his test. Fingers crossed but I'm sure he'll do well.
Speaking of shortages, it's been making it's way around social media but I did notice quite a few empty shelves during my Saturday shop. Mostly frozen products are in short supply. Transport companies I know are hurting right now. The railway canceled our service (again) last Thursday because they couldn't put a crew together for our run. Normal it appears is only a setting on my dryer.
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Had an odd circumstance happen to me yesterday. As those who play the home game may recall, one of my pleasures is to have a nice soak in the tub and I get bath bombs from "P"'s shop around the corner. Someone I like and consider a "friendly acquaintance" but not someone I would date for multiple reasons that have been discussed here in the past. I was in the bake-shop across the street from her shop when she comes in to hand me a bath bomb that she said that her daughter did up special for me to try. I raised my eyebrows a bit because it was labeled "Dead Sexy". It supposedly had "masculine" scents to it and she wanted my opinion. I tried it last night while finishing my book - very nice. I find that the bath bombs her daughter makes have mixtures of essential oils that make for a very relaxing tub. I posted a picture on my social media feed tagging her and her daughter's businesses and mentioning that I quite liked it. My 96 followers plus perhaps also random lurkers may or may not be "influenced"
Not sure if this indicates that she thinks I'm sexy and that she's interested in getting our middle-aged "thang" going. Intrigued, but not interested. A good change for me I think to know when someone would not be healthy for me. I had actually stocked up on bath bombs last week so probably won't need to go in to her shop for over a month.
I was thinking this morning about the businesses in my little village and the surprising number of them that are run by women. Of the 11 businesses on the main street or general area, 6 of them are run by women. 3 craft / crafting shops, the bake shop, a printing business and a furniture restorer. Makes me kind of proud. The others are generally family run where both partners work in the business.
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Had an odd texting chat with "C" this past week. She opened with "do you believe in Bigfoot". After the obligatory joke about the size of my own feet I went into a bit of a discussion of "ghost populations" of homids and my own belief that many of these could have survived into near historical times. Those "hobbits" that were an archaic population that lived in Indonesia are an example. I believe I passed a test. I hear from C / reach out to her every few weeks. No clue on what sort of direction that may or may not go, but she's also a "friendly acquaintance" who happens to be single. I get the feeling that in her past marriage that she was cut down for her opinions so the fact that I'm pretty open-minded about a lot of things, especially things I know I don't understand is perhaps a new experience for her. I could have been dismissive of the question or mocked it, but that's not who I am. I joked that she should never underestimate how seriously I'll take any question.
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Well - time to check in with the plant. Sundays are usually my day to get my inbox completely cleaned and do some forward planning for the week. I also have a project that I had committed to have done by the end of last week that I have to put the finishing touches on so it will largely be an office day today along with the normal cooking, cleaning, ironing etc.
Hasta Luego
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I’ll answer it for you. People typically leave a relationship for one or two reasons. Loss of attraction and/or they don’t see a happy future together. Mystery solved.
As for masculine bath bombs. Come on bro those three words should never be in the same sentence.
LH - nope. Not it. People (or at least the kinds of WAS’s we see here) leave because they’re depressed and want the high of infatuation, or because they’re bored and just want some “strange”, or because they fear death and aging and want a younger partner who doesn’t inconveniently remind them of their own mortality.
My ex actually stated to me, as he was leaving the marriage, that he knew he’d never have sex that good again! It wasn’t about him not finding me attractive, or me not being a good partner. It was about him trying to fill a hole inside him that had nothing to do with me.
Andrew - my response to your question would be the Buddhist phrase - all suffering comes from desire. If we didn’t want or need our spouses, we wouldn’t be broken up over the betrayal. Someone who didn’t like their spouse and was thinking of leaving themselves might be temporarily insulted that they didn’t get to leave first, but then would be happy at the outcome. Those people aren’t here. Most of us are here because we loved our spouses and wanted our marriages to work.
Letting go is essential to healing. I’ve also noticed that, the more independent financially the LBS is, the faster they seem to heal - they still have to get over the love, but the need is not as great.
Rejection and betrayal feel terrible for everybody, but for some it also brings up echoes of family of origin stuff. For those people it’s also harder to let go, and harder to recover.
Also -Andrew I wouldn’t read anything into the name on the bath bomb, that’s just the daughter’s marketing tool. And take all the bath bomb baths you want - men who are secure in their sexuality don’t need to worry that a fragrant bath makes them unmasculine!
Also -Andrew I wouldn’t read anything into the name on the bath bomb, that’s just the daughter’s marketing tool. And take all the bath bomb baths you want - men who are secure in their sexuality don’t need to worry that a fragrant bath makes them unmasculine!
LOL - I can assure you that I don't take anything LH says as any sort of guide on how to conduct myself Quite the opposite in fact.
Originally Posted by kml
Letting go is essential to healing. I’ve also noticed that, the more independent financially the LBS is, the faster they seem to heal - they still have to get over the love, but the need is not as great.
That's an interesting point. I've never thought of that before - probably because it's not my lived experience. I can certainly see that in some ways because the loss is of not only the emotional connection, but also practical things and expectations. From a practical point of view, I've certainly gained more than I lost. Emotionally I've gained too but that's because of the forced introspection and self-examination that was part of my process.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Emotionally I've gained too but that's because of the forced introspection and self-examination that was part of my process.
That’s the gift in all this, isn’t it?
Quote
Truth be told, nobody leaves a marriage they were happy and satisfied in.
Unless they are just intrinsically unhappy and/or dissatisfied and it has nothing to do with the marriage or their spouse. Which is all too often the case. All the pretzeling in the world and deep personal work and DBing didn’t save my marriage in the end (although it did for a while) because my ex’s depression, dissatisfaction and narcissism had nothing to do with me or our marriage.
Cheaters cheat because they want to, because they’re selfish, because they’re depressed and vulnerable to the high, because they enjoy the thrill of getting away with something - not because their spouses failed them. Honorable people in legit unhappy marriages leave first then date.
