I'm off-site today to be able to go "in to town" to get my booster shot - doing what I can to keep my community safe. That made it hard to deal with some various work issues that normally I'd just walk out and look at.
This morning one of buildings was filled with steam - water fortunately - that caused all sorts of issues especially once it condensed. A valve going to our turbine located in the same building left open is the estimated cause. Nothing got ruined but a lot of water ended up on product which does it no harm. Fortunately we're not shipping today. The bulk of our product is clear colourless liquids that are indistinguishable from water so any moisture is a worry. I carry a tube of pH paper that will investigate random puddles I sometimes encounter.
It also turned out that the railway pulled out the wrong railcar last night so that's going to be a pain to sort out. It took me three tries to figure out how to document it. The railway thinks they have the car that I want them to have but it's physically on our siding still.
Work generally continues to be challenging. I just did up my self-assessment for my annual review and it's not great. I'm used to being a top performer and I'm not. My boss is one of the more annoying types of micro-managers. Although I know he truly cares about his people, he has a lot of trust issues and spends a lot of time second guessing and double-checking. Sometimes catching things that are really important (he missed the railway mix-up).
Weather has been weird here too. Areas to the south and east of me got blasted with a blizzard on Monday. It was fine here but pretty snowy at the plant. Yesterday driving in there was a vibration in the front end of my car. I pulled over when it was safe to do so and no flat tire so I figure there's some ice stuck inside my wheel well. It's gotten warmer today, back up above freezing
I did go out earlier today and cleared much of the snow from my drive since it's supposed to get colder again and I didn't want the 3" or so of snow I have to freeze solid.
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I got the Valentines cards off to the kids a few days ago. I allow extra time especially to get mail to my daughter on the other side of the continent and my son isn't real reliable about checking his mail. I had tried to mail a hard drive with some backups and family pictures that my daughter was looking for but that got held up a week or so ago for secondary inspection for some reason so I included a SD card with the pictures I believe she's looking for into her card. It will also be her 9th "2nd" anniversary - where does the time go. Because she married someone from a different country their marriage couldn't be legal until her visa got approved so they had a second "legal" wedding that just by chance happened on Valentines Day - sweet. I celebrate both.
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The thing that brought me here today is just to mutter and complain about what seem to be an increasing number of dreams involving my xW and us living a normal post-reconciliation life. It's not something I'm looking for, nor even wanting. The person she turned out to be isn't someone I could ever trust again and I can't imagine her ever becoming that person. She had a laissez-faire attitude towards the truth when we were married and never apologized meaningfully for anything. Occasionally yelling "so I'm sorry OK" at me never really cut it. And on top of that she's in a relationship with someone else that is now entering it's 7th year.
Not sure why these are ramping up and what my subconscious is trying to process here. I have zero dreams about the two women I was involved in post divorce. I certainly am somewhat lonely and like was discussed on bttrfly's thread recently, it is different for such a long term relationship. I essentially spent my entire adult life with her up until the end. At this point, according to my math it's been 75% of my adult life with 25% being post bomb-day now. Time does grind along.
Not much else happening. I'm going to celebrate Robbie Burns Day on Sunday. I sent a note to my son but doubt he'll show up even though I do believe that he does have an appreciation for haggis. He's finally got his driving test appointment for his full license but it's hours away and I think he's going to go up on the Sunday and stay over. It will be quite the load off his mind to have that done. One nice thing about being a bachelor is that I can establish new traditions etc without having to worry about others. When I was married I always wanted to go out to the formal Burns Suppers that are around here. Doing it on my own is a lot of fun too but something I never would have imagined back then. There may even be poetry. Actually no. There "will" be poetry.
Well - time for lunch then get in for my shot.
Stay safe everyone.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Uh oh! Most people are looking forward to a better 2022 and putting 2020-2021 in their rear view mirror!
Originally Posted by AndrewP
The thing that brought me here today is just to mutter and complain about what seem to be an increasing number of dreams involving my xW and us living a normal post-reconciliation life. It's not something I'm looking for, nor even wanting.
Dreams can be tough, outside of your control. Thoughts you'd rather ignore pop up unexpectedly and without welcome.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
And on top of that she's in a relationship with someone else that is now entering it's 7th year.
I haven't read your full history, but assume that's with OM/AP? I imagine that could be a bit triggering. I'm sure a lot of folks on here, myself included, have pictured a terrible ending to the relationship between their WAS/WS and AP.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Not sure why these are ramping up and what my subconscious is trying to process here. I have zero dreams about the two women I was involved in post divorce. I certainly am somewhat lonely and like was discussed on bttrfly's thread recently, it is different for such a long term relationship. I essentially spent my entire adult life with her up until the end. At this point, according to my math it's been 75% of my adult life with 25% being post bomb-day now. Time does grind along.
You probably answered your own question here - the duration of your relationship with ExW is much longer with a deeper impact than the post-D women.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
My interpretation of the dreams is just that you are starting to think again about the possibility of getting into a relationship, and these is just the closest images you have of being in a sorta ok relationship. Good for you to note that people who play fast and loose with the truth, and who cannot apologize, are big red flags for you. Remember that.
Funny - I had a dream about crazy ex-boyfriend a week or so ago. We were crossing a street and he reached out to hold my hand. I back up and yelled "You are NOT my boyfriend!" lolol. Clearly a response to what I see as his attempts to peek his nose into the tent after my boyfriend's death. I've made it very clear to him I am never getting back together with him but he still pines.
I haven't read your full history, but assume that's with OM/AP? I imagine that could be a bit triggering. I'm sure a lot of folks on here, myself included, have pictured a terrible ending to the relationship between their WAS/WS and AP.
At one point I would have liked to see that but TBH I don't actively want anything bad to happen to her. As some people say, karma is being them. I certainly don't want to see her to come sniffing back looking for a Plan B.
Originally Posted by kml
My interpretation of the dreams is just that you are starting to think again about the possibility of getting into a relationship, and these is just the closest images you have of being in a sorta ok relationship. Good for you to note that people who play fast and loose with the truth, and who cannot apologize, are big red flags for you. Remember that.
Indeed. I used to say that she spoke the truth as she wanted it to be. Could be that's the way she still operates. That's just a relabeling I used to make it more acceptable to me.
I still love this quote "It's not as simple as that. It's not a black and white issue. There are so many shades of gray." "Nope." "Pardon?" "There's no grays, only white that's got grubby. I'm surprised you don't know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people like things. Including yourself. That's what sin is."
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I think to the MLCer we are ALWAYS plan B. Now, as to what it might take for them to try to come back to PLan B - that varies a lot depending on the person and the situation. But if you were a good spouse, and have your act together, there's probably always a part of the WAS who thinks they could go back if things got bad enough in their own life.
Now, my ex couldn't possibly dig himself an economic hole big enough that he would need any financial stability from me (I think, anyway). And he could probably always use his money to attract another woman if his child bride were to dump him. And I'm pretty sure he knows I wouldn't have him back on a silver platter. So I don't expect that he would ever try to come back. That's not to say he might not have moments when he misses the things I brought to the relationship - I'm sure he must.
But if Andrew's ex were to get booted by her boyfriend/OM, and had run out of alimony dollars, and there's nice guy Andrew with his paid off house and his tidy habits - sure, I bet in her mind she flatters herself that she could always go back to him if she needed. But she doesn't know that ship has sailed. The users always think they can go back to using their previous victims. Because they were victims, right? They mostly haven't figured out that we're not chumps anymore.
For a person to want to go back to a relationship that desperately wanted to get out of something drastic would have to be different. So the LBS has to make major changes for this this happen. Most do not hence the LBS is rarely plan B. More like plan Q.
LH you would be surprised at the number of MLCers who do eventually try to reconcile with the LBS. And most MLCers leave not because of their marriage but because of their own issues - often depression, addiction, fear of death and dying or aging. If you're depressed and you don't know why, and you get that addictive brain buzz from infatuation and it temporarily relieves your depression, then many people think the answer must lie in running off with that person. Once that infatuation wears off, many sadly wake up to the mess and fallout from blowing up their marriages. The more true MLC they are, the more likely they will wake up one day and regret what they have done. However a healthy LBS will often have moved on by the time that happens (as they should, because there is no guarantee this will happen, and it often takes years).
ost unfaithful spouses aren't unfaithful because of their spouses, but because of their own demons and character flaws.
(And someone who just was unhappy in their marriage but didn't have those demons and character flaws would simply leave the marriage first before they started seeing other people.
(And someone who just was unhappy in their marriage but didn't have those demons and character flaws would simply leave the marriage first before they started seeing other people.
Heck, some of us with demons are capable of leaving before seeing others.
