Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 10 of 11 1 2 8 9 10 11
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,447
Likes: 82
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,447
Likes: 82
It sounds like you had a great time with your single
Friends ! I don’t really have any and the ones I do, have older kids with kids and do the family thing. I do have other forms of companionship, I am fortunate to have a pretty solid friend base.

I am pretty sure I have the vid’ . Mild, for sure, but achy and congested . Hopefully it comes and goes. Honestly, almost every household I know right know has Atleast one positive person right now. My D’s 8 year old cousin has it and so do many others. It’s ripping through Nj here. The good news is it’s not bad at all if you are young or vaccinated. I hope I am positive and can just get it over with.

It’s definitely the gift that keeps on giving

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,161
Likes: 24
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,161
Likes: 24
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
the people making decisions are just that, people. They are going to get some things right and some things wrong.

EXACTLY. I could not agree more. Unfortunately that’s not how they act, what they say, or what they do. They claim what they spout is gospel. They are right, they are science and anyone dare disagree…. If anyone tries to challange what they claim, they are silenced. Heck social media has banned people from making statements they deem false even though six months later they are proved 100% true and what the expert says was false. They shouid be admitting when they are wrong. Yet they never do - or rarely. Just look at what’s happened in nearly two years and how wrong they have been. But it’s not all about right or wrong it’s the cost of them being wrong. The cost to life, the cost to mental health, the cost to the economy. And this is why many won’t listen to them anymore. You can’t claim you have the answer and then defend that by silencing anyone who opposes you. And that’s what’s been happening.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Welp. I went to a Christmas party hosted by one of our partners on Wednesday. Got the call today my coworker has Covid. The one i was sitting next to and hugged, lll.

Ugh. Well maybe you won’t get it. Still too soon to know. I just got off the phone with my stepdaughter. Her and her fully vaccinated husband along with their kids have tested positive. Of course the kids 6 & 3 are totally fine. The vaccinated adults both feel pretty cruddy. Again, “get vaccinated and you can’t get Covid.” Just ask Biden and the experts. I know, I know and I agree, they likely will get through it easier and unlikely to be hospitalized. My point is the excerpts were again wrong. It’s an airborne virus. We will never defeat it and already have driven ourselves crazy trying to prevent it. It’s time to live life again with it and leave the universe to God.

Originally Posted by kml
Wearing a mask is an act of civic responsibility to protect those around you. I just don’t get the selfishness of those who won’t do so.

And there it is - otherwise known as virtue signaling - or theater. Like the TSA theater to make us FEEL SAFE. All about the feelings. Even the mask people are now starting to admit the home made cloth masks or those worn below the nose, constantly touched and removed and replaced are useless. They are now switching to promoting N95 or real masks. Of course they also need proper fit testing. If they did anything of significance the latest case counts would not be the highest in the cities with mask mandates now would they.

Government screws up pretty much anything they put their hands on. Expecting our government to do things we should do for ourselves is our own fault. We are all responsible for our own health and safety. If I think it’s not safe to go to a restaurant or a party I don’t need the government to tell me much less mandate it to me. I’ll handle my own safety, thank you. Anyone who thinks it’s not safe to be around me are free to stay clear.

As for Christmas, you just never know. I thought this year would be pretty bad because even though I did not discuss it much here my father died a few months ago. And no, he never got Covid - although the last 15 months of his life were very negatively impacted by it. Time and missed life events he will never get back nor have the opportunity to experience on this earth. But it’s been really good so far. Heading to my moms shortly. That may be the real test as they were married 62 years. Have to make the most of it and live your life. Can’t hide from danger or potential danger and live a full life. At least I’ve not figured out how to.

Ginger, you had said it was tumultuous. I just took that at face value. I’ve used the wrong words myself in the haste of posting so I get it. If he was just another ROTM OLD butthead, you can’t always find that out ahead of time. They are all over the place. It’s about as hard to avoid an OLD misfit as it is to avoid Covid. We are all going to meet one or contract it at some point. Your family may be small but you have a pretty amazing daughter and some great friends.

Merry Christmas!!!!


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,447
Likes: 82
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,447
Likes: 82
Good news is I feel fine today. I think maybe I was just kind of worn out.

My dad and stepmom and leaving soon and I hate to say I am ready. I do love them. But man, they just go on judging everyone in the family and get a little too high on their horses sometimes and I’m kind of tired of listening to it. They have a hard time looking at how someone else’s circumstances are different then theirs. It gets exhausting.

Holidays are tough, for real. I’m happy for them to be over. D loves it and that’s all that matters.

Cleaning and food prepping today. I feel gross with all the bad foods and booze. I’m ready to cleanse

Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,747
Likes: 267
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,747
Likes: 267
Somehow, I have an image in my mind, post pandemic, of you and your daughter going to Paris for Xmas! Wouldn’t that be nice????

1 member likes this: bttrfly
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,447
Likes: 82
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,447
Likes: 82
Originally Posted by kml
Somehow, I have an image in my mind, post pandemic, of you and your daughter going to Paris for Xmas! Wouldn’t that be nice????

That made me smile . We have been talking for years about going to Paris for her sweet 16. We are less than 2 years away. I’m afraid I won’t have the money, but I sure will try to save. I hope she does become my travel buddy one day.

I started having symptoms and could t go to work and had to get an outside test done because our hospital is blowing up and OMS can’t even lick up the phone. I was negative on my rapid and I feel fine now , I think it was body actually fighting it off. But because things are so bad, I can’t get back to work in person because OMS is backlogged on clearing people. Go figure. So I worked from home today, covered my unit, and got a lot done. Everything is pretty much a mess here, hospital at capacity, we even went on divert which we never do. Good new is even we are getting pandemic pay until 1/15 which is $5 more an hour. I’ll take it. I’ll take whatever I can get.

Tonight I finally had to take up my ex’s offer to come o we for a game night. I had no out, D really wanted me to come. So I did. We ordered Chinese food. Ex showed me his new “man cave “ which of course included the bar I got him for a wedding gift. For about a half hour just him and I had a beer and played ping pong. Then we all played rummy, then we played Mario kart, then I left to go to my home.

I feel very confused every time I do this. I go and I have a good time. Is it weird seeing pictures of all of them and hearing them call eachother “hun”? Yes. But I am fine when I am there basically. Everyone laughs and has a good time. I do see how he jabs at her every chance he gets like he used to do to me. I don’t miss that. Leaving my daughter behind is weird .how can these people damn near destroy me, not care what they did to me, but still enjoy my company? None of it makes sense

I feel like I am betraying myself. Like I should hate them for what they did to me. Like I shouldn’t even be able to tolerate them. But I mostly don’t even care anymore. It doesn’t make me feel strong and like some amazing person that I hang out with them. It makes me feel like I am a doormat. Like showing you can damn near kill me, but I will still be kind. What kind of person does that? A weak one.

But I just don’t care anymore. I think a part of me died. I have also becoming a pro at compartmentalizing. Or I’m numb.

My daughter is happy, can see us all get along. I guess that’s all that matters. But it’s really a mixed bag of emotions for me every time I do it.

I just feel like it’s my turn for my own little bit of happiness with another person

Working from home again tomorrow and off Friday. I’m supposed to work Saturday, and I better be because that’s time and a half. New Year’s Eve D got invited to a party but doesn’t want to go, and is going to spend it with me. We are going to hibachi. She will probably change her mind last minute, but that’s fine. I’ll relax with some wine and a good book .

Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,747
Likes: 267
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,747
Likes: 267
Quote
It makes me feel like I am a doormat. Like showing you can damn near kill me, but I will still be kind. What kind of person does that? A weak one.

Actually - a really strong one. Stronger than me.

Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 1,212
Likes: 78
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 1,212
Likes: 78
Ginger1,
Originally Posted by Ginger1
That made me smile . We have been talking for years about going to Paris for her sweet 16. We are less than 2 years away. I’m afraid I won’t have the money, but I sure will try to save. I hope she does become my travel buddy one day.
Make it happen! Regardless of the finances. That trip would surely be an experience the two of you would remember for the rest of your lives.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Tonight I finally had to take up my ex’s offer to come o we for a game night. I had no out, D really wanted me to come. So I did.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Ex showed me his new “man cave “ which of course included the bar I got him for a wedding gift.
Funny, ExW got me a bar for a present as well. Even though it was a very thoughtful and generous gift it actually made me question things a little early on because I knew she was in debt and couldn't really afford it. I ended up selling it post-D for a decent amount of cash...figured if she got to keep the engagement ring after ending the marriage I could profit from the bar.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
then we played Mario kart
S6 and my dad (not the video game type) have been bonding over Mario Kart since ExW left. Pretty cool to see.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I do see how he jabs at her every chance he gets like he used to do to me. I don’t miss that.
Interesting observation. Not your monkey / not your circus anymore, but I'd wonder how she feels about it.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Leaving my daughter behind is weird .how can these people damn near destroy me, not care what they did to me, but still enjoy my company? None of it makes sense
Agreed. Bizarro world.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I feel like I am betraying myself. ...It makes me feel like I am a doormat. Like showing you can damn near kill me, but I will still be kind. What kind of person does that? A weak one.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
But I just don’t care anymore. I think a part of me died.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
My daughter is happy, can see us all get along. I guess that’s all that matters. But it’s really a mixed bag of emotions for me every time I do it.
I think it's great you're willing to do things to make your daughter happy, but you do a lot for her...doesn't mean you have to do this. Granted you're a lot farther along than I am, but I can't imagine going over to ExW's place to socialize with her, OM2 & the kids. It seems like it (understandably) causes you spin. It's good you don't fight and are amicable with your ExH, but it's also OK to let her know you'd prefer not to be besties with him and OW.

Not that ExW would even invite me. As an aside...I wonder if there's a difference between men and women in this regard? Seems like on here the WAH/WHs are more likely to come back to the relationship or at the very least want to continue to be friends/socialize with the LBS than the WAW/WWs. Just an observation.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I just feel like it’s my turn for my own little bit of happiness with another person
Definitely!

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Working from home again tomorrow and off Friday. I’m supposed to work Saturday, and I better be because that’s time and a half. New Year’s Eve D got invited to a party but doesn’t want to go, and is going to spend it with me. We are going to hibachi.
Kampai!


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,485
Likes: 148
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,485
Likes: 148
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by kml
Somehow, I have an image in my mind, post pandemic, of you and your daughter going to Paris for Xmas! Wouldn’t that be nice????

That made me smile . We have been talking for years about going to Paris for her sweet 16. We are less than 2 years away. I’m afraid I won’t have the money, but I sure will try to save. I hope she does become my travel buddy one day.

I started having symptoms and could t go to work and had to get an outside test done because our hospital is blowing up and OMS can’t even lick up the phone. I was negative on my rapid and I feel fine now , I think it was body actually fighting it off. But because things are so bad, I can’t get back to work in person because OMS is backlogged on clearing people. Go figure. So I worked from home today, covered my unit, and got a lot done. Everything is pretty much a mess here, hospital at capacity, we even went on divert which we never do. Good new is even we are getting pandemic pay until 1/15 which is $5 more an hour. I’ll take it. I’ll take whatever I can get.

Tonight I finally had to take up my ex’s offer to come o we for a game night. I had no out, D really wanted me to come. So I did. We ordered Chinese food. Ex showed me his new “man cave “ which of course included the bar I got him for a wedding gift. For about a half hour just him and I had a beer and played ping pong. Then we all played rummy, then we played Mario kart, then I left to go to my home.

I feel very confused every time I do this. I go and I have a good time. Is it weird seeing pictures of all of them and hearing them call eachother “hun”? Yes. But I am fine when I am there basically. Everyone laughs and has a good time. I do see how he jabs at her every chance he gets like he used to do to me. I don’t miss that. Leaving my daughter behind is weird .how can these people damn near destroy me, not care what they did to me, but still enjoy my company? None of it makes sense

I feel like I am betraying myself. Like I should hate them for what they did to me. Like I shouldn’t even be able to tolerate them. But I mostly don’t even care anymore. It doesn’t make me feel strong and like some amazing person that I hang out with them. It makes me feel like I am a doormat. Like showing you can damn near kill me, but I will still be kind. What kind of person does that? A weak one.

But I just don’t care anymore. I think a part of me died. I have also becoming a pro at compartmentalizing. Or I’m numb.

My daughter is happy, can see us all get along. I guess that’s all that matters. But it’s really a mixed bag of emotions for me every time I do it.

I just feel like it’s my turn for my own little bit of happiness with another person

Working from home again tomorrow and off Friday. I’m supposed to work Saturday, and I better be because that’s time and a half. New Year’s Eve D got invited to a party but doesn’t want to go, and is going to spend it with me. We are going to hibachi. She will probably change her mind last minute, but that’s fine. I’ll relax with some wine and a good book .

Man i read this last night and wrestled with it all night. Does it make you weak or strong? I can’t decide lol. Personally I don’t think I could ever get there without an apology. But it has been 13 years so who knows how I will feel in ten years. I can not imagine a scenario where I would find that entertaining. I tend to side with the concept that people who treat you badly get bounced from your life permanently. As the saying goes “time heals all wounds” so maybe this is all part of the process.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,447
Likes: 82
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,447
Likes: 82
Thanks. I often do have to check in with myself and figure out how far I’m coming out of my own comfort zone in order to keep the peace and a good relationship. It does make me spin why I can be OK and comfortable hanging out with them. Something must be wrong with me.

Mario kart has been so much fun! D 14 and I have been playing since she got it. I also took off half of my thumb last night trying to take this thing off her controller. D couldn’t do, ex couldn’t do it, so I tried and I got it off along with half my thumb. I was bleeding all over at their house, lol. Took one for the team.

Writing off people is easy when you don’t have to raise a child from scratch with them. If it was up to me, I would have never looked and spoken to him again and for my sake at that point in my life, I wish he left the both of us. But he only left me, which of course was best for D, but it was not best for me. So when you have to raise a child with 2 other people from infant hood , you can’t write them off. And you do need a good, civil, almost friendly relationship. It’s optimal when you are doing things that long. If she was 10 when this all went down? I probably would have been able to “write them off” in a way.

Everything that happened the way it did was probably the worst for me, but the best for my D. D and I were talking and she said her parents being divorced is all she has ever known and it really doesn’t affect her that much. It’s the only way she has known how to live. She said if this happened when she was 8, it would have been very difficult for her. For me, I’ve been on the struggle bus since the day he left. Parenting a baby alone and working full time with no family help, switching jobs a million times because I had no help, watching my ex and his wife be a family , take my daughter on vacations, marry, stay together since day 1. Never remarrying for many reasons. Everything was harder on me, but easier on my kid with the early on divorce. And that’s all I could want.

I admit, I am so ready for me time in this portion of my life. I’m so ready to make some life decisions based on what’s best for me. Like moving , career, etc. it’s all for my daughter now, but will absolutely be for me when she graduates.
I need this so so bad .

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,485
Likes: 148
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,485
Likes: 148
My BFs kids are in their 20s now and their parents split when they were both under 4. I talked to them both once and they both said that it’s all they have known so it felt normal. They said the only thing they cared about was knowing where they were going to be on a given day.

I read that a lot on OLD apps about it being me time. I use to think it sounded selfish but I know now that it’s not at all. It’s women who have sacrificed for their children and are ready to enjoy the rest of their lives on their terms.

It’s a journey for sure with twists and turns along the way.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Page 10 of 11 1 2 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard