Another day in the life of

[OnlyBent]

Hey Ginger, that’s BS. Your sass shines through in your posts, I get the sense that you are definitely a catch.

I have a few female friends, lates 30s, who all say the same thing. And the funny thing is they’re all attractive, kind, funny, easy to chat to. You can’t all be without the “it” factor.

Honestly, it seems to be that men at this age are mostly not ready, or just want to sleep around or haven’t worked out their own sh!t enough.

I understand that it’s disheartening, just keep being you and things will happen as they’re meant to.

[DnJ]

But hey. I know what it is and what it constantly is. I’m nice. That’s it. There is no “it” factor about me. I’m just a nice person, I go to work, I raise my daughter, and that’s about it. I’m not quirky. I am funny, but I just don’t have the “it” factor . I’m ideal on paper, but That does ignite a spark. I’m fun enough to hook up with , not special enough to lock down .

I accept it. But it’s who I am. Maybe someone one day will feel the spark with perfectly boring me

What?!?

Don’t you make me come over there to set you straight. You are a fantastic gal!

A nice person, who works hard, is raising her daughter, and has a sense of humour. You’re already the ninety ninth percentile.

And a pretty special women if you ask me.

D

[kml]

“Plus you have a J.O.B.!!! And you’re bringing the (unmentionable word) to HIM! “. Read in the voice of Mojo Nixon. He said this to me once backstage, after I told him the story about going to see my first post-divorce boyfriend in Northern California. He couldn’t imagine that any man wouldn’t be thrilled to have a self-sufficient gainfully employed woman who was bringing the you-know-what to him!

Girl - you have SO much going for you! Maybe you’ve got a bad picker, but this isn’t about you not being enough.

[Ginger1]

OB- thanks you. I’ve been dating actively for like 11 years . It’s just getting worse out there. Nothing makes sense that happens in the dating world. I began listening to to this new podcast called dating deeply, and it really explains how OLD can be dehumanizing. It really has become that way. Even with texting even after you meet. People forget there is a real life human behind the screen. I do definitely have some sass, I’m not all that boring, lol. I do get passionate in the stuff I strongly believe in .

DNJ and KML- thank you also! I am more settled than most, and I think men often don’t even know what to do with that. Women at my age just went through divorces . Or have never even been married. And I’m just living a regular old life here. But I am really ok with me. I feel like others may not be. I think I might be also a little intimidating. I do have my ish together ( my finances could be better). Most men pretend to know what they want, but they really don’t know. Most are fresh out of divorce. Most want the benefits of having a girlfriend without having to be a boyfriend. It’s truly a mess out there.

It just came out of left field with this guy. One minute talking about how he was looking forward to our dinner Friday night and then a text comes through that actually started off with “hey, it’s not you!” He needs to be feeling more before he takes it to the next level. Ummm, is dinner the next level? It was nice to have someone who didn’t treat me sexually right off the bat. Oh well.

This other guy who worships me keeps asking for another chance. He wants me in his life anyone he can have me apparently. I hate hurting his feelings, but I don’t feel it.

I don’t know if my picker is off, because there is only so much you can truly know through a few exchanges from an OLD profile.

I still think I just need to get out of this area. I have tapped it out , lol. I can’t begin to tell you how much I cannot wait to move. I want to sell this house and rent a nice apartment for half the price. Living where I do absolutely is causing me so much stress on so many levels. I just have to hang in for the next few years.

I’m hoping once my knee recovers I can get back to focusing on some of my hobbies. Winter hiking is something new I want to try.

Thanks for the support. I really am disheartened and worn out . The holidays aren’t helping

[DonH]

I began listening to to this new podcast called dating deeply, and it really explains how OLD can be dehumanizing. It really has become that way. Even with texting even after you meet. People forget there is a real life human behind the screen.

Don’t want to be an I told you so (although I do enjoy it from time to time - ha!) but I’ve been beating the drum about this for years now. It’s totally dehumanizing! Felt way worse than not doing it at all. And it clearly is getting worse - but so is our world. Sure OLD may introduce you to more people but what quality and at what personal cost?

As for this latest guy, it’s totally him and not you. He’s being honest there. But what had you so attracted? Was it his looks? Cuz I’m kinda thinking that was a sizable part of it. And as for saying that you’re just attracting guys who don’t see the interest. Well then, how do you explain the guy begging to see you? He seems EXTREMELY interested. But you’re not. Again is looks part of it? And I’m not throwing stones here as I’m very much adapt at dating above my league.

Changing locations could help with some things but with finding a good guy? What, you’ve dated through all of them in Jersey and NY? Lol. C’mon.

I clearly don’t have the answer but would have to say the guys you’re picking and the way you are interacting is likely part if the equation - for both of us - given how long we’ve both been single. But it’s also just single people in our age range. I just had someone reach out to me saying let’s get together - in part after a recent somewhat traumatic personal life event. I responded warmly and told her I’d love to. Saw her in person a week later where she again made sure I call her and we’ll make plans. She was the “aggressor” for lack of a better word both times. So after thanksgiving, as I promised, I reach out to set something up. And… crickets. And I know her IRL. I will see her again eventually. Perhaps there’s an explanation but so far it’s evidently like let’s have lunch, or the checks in the mail, or I won’t a’hem in your… just words? Just what people say - if you need anything, don’t hesitate to let me know. To which you say, you know what I could use is… and oh, um, well let me see, Im pretty busy.

People just suck Ginger. They just do. Not everyone but just like finding a partner, finding true friends can be just as hard. I wish I had the answer. At least for now I’m nearly positive OLD is not it. And as I started to say, it’s just gotten worse. It’s become second nature to lie and ghost and treat people poorly. One minute it’s, can’t wait for Friday dinner (or let’s get together and meet for drinks or something) and the next they are off onto something or someone else. The great ones… are still married.

[LH19]

Don’t want to be an I told you so (although I do enjoy it from time to time - ha!) but I’ve been beating the drum about this for years now.

I disagree. You enjoy it 100% of the time.

It’s totally dehumanizing!

Dehumanizing!? WTF? It's called rejection Don and it hurts for a bit and you move on.

Felt way worse than not doing it at all.

I am sorry OLD was that cruel to you.

Sure OLD may introduce you to more people but what quality and at what personal cost?

I find the quality to be very good. The cost is sometimes my ego takes a hit for a few hours/days.

And I’m not throwing stones here as I’m very much adapt at dating above my league.

I think this may be the key. It's tough to date out of your league when OLD because its mainly about the pics.

Changing locations could help with some things but with finding a good guy? What, you’ve dated through all of them in Jersey and NY? Lol. C’mon.

I believe Ginger was being facetious Don.

I clearly don’t have the answer but would have to say the guys you’re picking and the way you are interacting is likely part if the equation - for both of us - given how long we’ve both been single.

Hmmm. Sounds like the definition of insanity.

But it’s also just single people in our age range.

What about these people?

I just had someone reach out to me saying let’s get together - in part after a recent somewhat traumatic personal life event. I responded warmly and told her I’d love to. Saw her in person a week later where she again made sure I call her and we’ll make plans. She was the “aggressor” for lack of a better word both times. So after thanksgiving, as I promised, I reach out to set something up. And… crickets. And I know her IRL. I will see her again eventually.

Why not make a date on the spot Don?

Perhaps there’s an explanation but so far it’s evidently like let’s have lunch, or the checks in the mail, or I won’t a’hem in your… just words? Just what people say - if you need anything, don’t hesitate to let me know. To which you say, you know what I could use is… and oh, um, well let me see, Im pretty busy.

She likely lost interest or found someone else. You snooze you lose.

People just suck Ginger. They just do.

Don that's a very unhealthy outlook on people.

Not everyone but just like finding a partner, finding true friends can be just as hard.

Very true. Just becasue it is hard doesn't mean you give up.

I wish I had the answer. At least for now I’m nearly positive OLD is not it.

Don I agree it is not for you because you have become jaded by it.

One minute it’s, can’t wait for Friday dinner (or let’s get together and meet for drinks or something) and the next they are off onto something or someone else.

You say oh well and move on.

The great ones… are still married.

Well there you go Don. All the good ones are married so you can stop trying.

[Traveler]

People just suck Ginger. They just do. Not everyone but just like finding a partner, finding true friends can be just as hard. I wish I had the answer. At least for now I’m nearly positive OLD is not it. And as I started to say, it’s just gotten worse. It’s become second nature to lie and ghost and treat people poorly. One minute it’s, can’t wait for Friday dinner (or let’s get together and meet for drinks or something) and the next they are off onto something or someone else. The great ones… are still married.

Don, you often sound jaded. Recall the bit about us attracting what we put out into the world. As LH says, if someone's looking for dates and tells you they'd like to give you a try, if you're interested, strike when the iron's hot. If you dawdle, don't be surprised when their date card is full. I hear you that you expect a courtesy response, "I'm busy the next couple of weeks, but thanks for reaching out, I'd love to go on a date sometime! Maybe in the New Year.. (in case the two guys I'm dating NOW don't work out and nobody else appears who's more eager than you)" Expectations. I do strive for courtesy responses, to treat everyone as a human and as I would want to be treated. But I get SO many messages--and I get busy sometimes. Consider extending her the courtesy of the benefit of the doubt (give what you want to receive). How might that change your view of people?

[Traveler]

It just came out of left field with this guy. One minute talking about how he was looking forward to our dinner Friday night and then a text comes through that actually started off with “hey, it’s not you!” He needs to be feeling more before he takes it to the next level. Ummm, is dinner the next level? It was nice to have someone who didn’t treat me sexually right off the bat. Oh well.

Ginger, I'm sorry to hear that.

This other guy who worships me keeps asking for another chance. He wants me in his life anyone he can have me apparently. I hate hurting his feelings, but I don’t feel it.

If you're sure you're not feeling it, there's nothing wrong with saying NEXT. As you say, romantic partners have to add to our lives. I don't need insane chemistry but I want some chemistry, too.

Thanks for the support. I really am disheartened and worn out . The holidays aren’t helping

I've admitted I'm worried about being alone on Christmas Eve and am making plans to have a full house and people to cook for. What could you do to make your holiday more fulfilling?

I’m hoping once my knee recovers I can get back to focusing on some of my hobbies. Winter hiking is something new I want to try.

Winter hiking is an AWESOME hobby! You get to go to spots that are usually crowded and enjoy them all to yourself, as long as you are prepared for soft snow (snowshoes), hard snow (crampons), and have enough layers to thermally regulate. If only you lived nearer! I look forward to hearing about your adventures.

[DejaVu6]

Hey G. No words of wisdom from me bit just know that you are not alone. I can definitely understand you feeling disheartened and also feeling numb inside when you do go out with someone. Lately I’ve noticed myself feeling the same way. I still have hope and I’m still interested in meeting someone but the process seems like so much work that I haven’t even chatted with anyone online since I was suddenly ghosted by a guy who asked me out and then “disappeared” the day before we were supposed to meet up. I’m usually pretty open to meeting people but I haven’t been feeling that way recently. Hoping the new year brings new opportunities…for both of us. (((HUGS)))

[bttrfly]

Honey you're gorgeous, smart, and worth waaaay more than this treatment. I have no words. I don't know why these people behave this way, but it's definitely not you.

You have so much to offer. Please don't let this dim your shine xoxoxo