Yeah - I don’t know if he’s capable of doing the aid in dying visit today. He’s pretty confused. He kept me up most of the night (I guess I should have tried harder to keep him awake during the day yesterday). His brain is perseverating on some idea - he keeps trying to teach me “stop the sequence, stop the fall” and then insists I must know what the next two steps are. When a really stubborn OCD man gets this confused, he can be really difficult. And he won’t take the Haldol I’d like to give him right now from our hospice emergency kit.
Mom's now on haldol. It seems to help with the delusions a little bit, but too soon to really tell. We think she's in the 20% of people for whom ativan has the opposite of the intended result.
poor CMM .. sending hugs and prayers to you both.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Being at home with a loved on on hospice is really one of the most difficult things you will go through . Please make sure you take care of yourself too.
I was a home hospice nurse for a bit. Seroquel worked wonders. Low dose 25 mg would probably go a long way.
Continued prayers for CMM and you. (((((kml and cmm)))))
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Thanks everybody. CMM actually looks a bit better today. The hospice doctor came by to do the Aid in Dying paperwork. Bless him for doing this work. I also arranged the sale of CMM’s car back to the dealership, they are bringing the paperwork over now to be signed. That will free up a couple thousand that can help pay for some homecare and/ or cremation expenses when the time comes.
(Just to be clear - I don’t actually think CMM will take the drugs to end his life - something like 85% don’t. But the peace of mind in knowing that he could choose to do so if his suffering became intolerable is worthwhile to him. And it’s all his choice.
CMM had a couple really good days. This morning though he woke up at 4 am to go to the bathroom and rather than wake me up to help, he hit up himself and fell and bumped his head. And he was so groggy from lack of sleep that by the time I got him settled back, I was awake for the duration.
Hospice nurse stopped by later in the morning and called to note he seemed a bit confused - I filled her in on the events of the last week. He seems fine tonight, although a bit hungry, since he didn’t really eat today. Making him dinner now.
My sister got her Covid booster yesterday - she’d had an allergic reaction to her second shot, so she got J and J yesterday. Thankfully that went ok. She’s asthmatic and allergic to nuts and grass and lots of things. Thankful she was able to get her booster as she works in a school.
My middle son was panicky yesterday - his health insurance is changing and his expenses will go up by about $400 a month, which he cannot afford. I emailed my ex today, suggesting he and I each contribute $200 a month FB for this year, to help him get in his feet. ( His income will go up substantially in a little over a year when he gets his LCSW, but he struggles with three different serious chronic diseases). Awaiting response from my ex. Son was upset that I did this - he would rather not have any financial strings with his dad at all. But I’m stretched really thin right now and need him to carry some of the wait. I told son let’s wait and give him a chance to surprise us.
