5 weeks until pre-trial

[Dawn70]

Congratulations! I hope you are now on the road to a happy and fulfilling life that doesn't include someone who made you so unhappy.

[BL42]

Congrats! Glad you finally got the relief you've been seeking. Interesting how our fears and anxieties usually aren't realized once the event occurs.

[kas99]

I've got the settlement agreement written by my attorney and have a question. This has to be an offer because I can't see him agreeing to some of this.

I've been NC for 2 years. S21 and S19 live with me. D16 lives with him. Under child custody it says "each party will readily confer with one another re: kids" Yeah NO. When we were married he made me the bad guy. The kids would ask him for things and he'd say "your mother said no" when I wasn't even aware of the question. After he left he continued to lie about conversations we never had until D16 caught on. It took 9 months of D16 and I not taking the bait before he stopped.

I'm okay with him making all the decisions for D16 because she tells me more than she tells him. If it were anything major I'd get involved. He disapproves of how I parent D19 (she no longer speaks to him) but if he wanted to continue to control me he shouldn't have left.

I don't think he will push the issue on having conversations with me but I do not like how this is worded and why is this section in italics?

[LH19]

K,

I think that is standard terminology when kids are involved. Personally I would want that in there because I wouldn't want me ex being able to make major decisions without me knowing about it.

[kml]

Yeah - I think that's probably standard, and protects you. Besides, he's probably not going to follow it anyway, but if he does something really egregious (ie allows D16 to move in with a drug using boyfriend) it gives you some leverage. She's the only minor so I don't see how it applies to the others anyway

[kas99]

That’s what I thought. The only other issue I see is life insurance but if he dies (or quits his job) I’d get his pension so that probably doesn’t matter either does it?

We both have life insurance through our employers and it says that has to stay until the kids are older naming them as beneficiaries. I was going to do that anyway so no biggie.

[kas99]

I gotta say I was slightly disappointed when my attorney gave me numbers but reading through this agreement I won. He will probably fight me on a few things but getting half his pension and being the sole beneficiary for life is huge.

[kas99]

I hit $15k in legal fees today which is depressing since I have $800 to my name. The good news is opposing counsel responded back promptly which means stbxh is actually ready to finish this. I don't what changes he wanted but should know very soon. I wonder sometimes if I made a mistake not trying to mediate but I don't think it would have worked because he's lost his mind. It does irritate me that he's got a 2nd income lined up via the OW but I try not to think about it.

The kids and I are struggling with life. He was making me physically sick so I know I'm better off but it's hard. I have a lot to be grateful for and I try to remember that this could have been a lot worse.

[BL42]

kas99,

I hit $15k in legal fees today which is depressing since I have $800 to my name.

Any chance stbxh might be on the hook for covering some or all of your legal costs? In my states the more monied spouse is responsible for contributing some money towards the others' lawyer fees, especially if they're the ones needlessly delaying the process.

The kids and I are struggling with life. He was making me physically sick so I know I'm better off but it's hard. I have a lot to be grateful for and I try to remember that this could have been a lot worse.

Sorry you and the kids are struggling. Hang in there...

[Dawn70]

I'm so sorry you and your kids are struggling, but I hope that the struggles are only temporary as you all navigate a new life of peace, happiness, joy, health once this all said and done. Wishing you a bright holiday season and hope you can find some joy with your kids. Hang in there....it will get better!