Rebuilding and renewal - 8

[devvo]

Andrew, it sounds to me that your firm should be investing in a bunch of maintenance along with, perhaps, Lean Six Sigma training for everybody. The industry you're in is not one you should have to run via flying by the seat of your pants. The equipment failures are a real worry!

Have you ever considered finding a more organised, dare I say professional, company? If they're not going to make use of your exceptional organisational skills, I'm sure another one will.

[kml]

I’m sure you’ve got a little ptsd. But when the time comes, do remember that you CAN date somebody without them moving in with you!

[Ginger1]

I imagine that dating someone who is financially stable who has their own place with no urgency to get out of it.

I imagine it would be a whole new experience not dating someone who needs rescuing or a roof over your head, uou can take the time to really date someone and get to know someone. And it could be YEARS before anyone moves in together. I think it would be very new to you, but very rewarding

[LH19]

Andy P needs to triple H until The cows come home.

[Traveler]

Andrew, I think the comments have covered everything—except you have good taste in films. Too bad we don’t live a tad closer than different countries.

I don’t connect “dating” and “moving in together”. I think it’s interesting that in your mind those two concepts are so linked. You have more to offer women than your home!

[AndrewP]

Have you ever considered finding a more organised, dare I say professional, company? If they're not going to make use of your exceptional organisational skills, I'm sure another one will.

It's sort of one of those sunk costs fallacies thing. Where I am is stable, I'm still being paid city salary even though I'm not having to do that drive any more. Changing jobs would be a risk both in terms of salary and stability. Over the years I've put varying amounts of effort into job searches - sadly especially in tech roles which is what I'm most qualified for, there is a huge amount of ageism. Very few people are looking for a 58 (in a couple of months) year old "expert" - they expect the experts to be in their 30s. In just over 2 years I'll have a "lot" more flexibility when I'm no longer making those big support payments every month. On the other hand, 2 years is the timeline that I am looking at to move into an even more senior position where I currently am due to the planned retirement of the guy above me.

A number of the issues we are having at the plant is due in part to the loss of a couple of senior engineering staff and the new guys not having the same sort of feel for keeping things running. The other part of the equation is that there is unprecedented demand for our products largely due to our competitors having production issues themselves.

My boss was making a comment the other day that present conditions really remind him of 2007 when irrational exuberance led to an economic crash. I can't say he's wrong although none of the financial analysts I listen to are saying anything like that. There's a lot of liquidity sloshing around the economy. And like in 2008, housing has become unaffordable which I expect are leading to individuals being over-leveraged. We're getting hit with some unprecedented cost increases too as a commodity producer which are needing to be passed on. Our primary raw material is a waste product from another industry, we sometimes get paid to take it. Costs for 2022 have just come in at a 30% increase from our estimates and we were already paying a high rate for it. Everything from transportation, raw materials, even the plastic that goes in to the drums we use is becoming harder to get and more expensive. Government programs that have kept the costs of capital down and put money directly into the hands of everyday people as well as investors has provided what is perhaps an illusion of growth and stability. The economy can only sustain that sort of pressure for so long before something gives. Like a leaking tire that is constantly having air pumped into it.

All things considered, plus a good number I've not mentioned, make it I think the safest bet to stay put for right now. I work with some great people, the work is challenging, and the plant is likely to continue to be a going concern for the indefinite future. We're a fairly small producer compared to many with an output of about 200 metric tonnes a day, but big enough to support our customer base plus also be the swing producer when our competitors experience problems or their customers are shopping around for a new supplier.

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Andrew, I think the comments have covered everything—except you have good taste in films. Too bad we don’t live a tad closer than different countries.

When we were first married we loved watching old movies together. Elwy Yost and Saturday Night at the Movies on TV Ontario was always a date night. We used to also stay up late in bed to listen to old episodes of Orson Welles' The Third Man on the radio. With cable-TV, kids, busier lives that fell out of common practice. My xW would often fall asleep in front of the TV watching her "true crime" shows which I don't care for and I'd often have to go down and wake her up after midnight to get some sleep in a proper bed. She did love watching TV and eating snacks.

It's a bit surprising to me how having my own media server has made such a difference in how I consume media. Having the ability to watch anything in my collection on any device on a whim is a game-changer. The total cost for the Raspberry PI4 plus external disk to run Plex was about $200 Cdn - could be done a lot cheaper I would imagine.

I don’t connect “dating” and “moving in together”. I think it’s interesting that in your mind those two concepts are so linked. You have more to offer women than your home!

I chewed on this for a while this morning. You, kml, and Ginger are correct. They don't necessarily have to go together but in my mind if I were to date, it would be with the goal of a long term relationship. Sex is great and much to my surprise post divorce, middle-aged women can actually be interested in it, but TBH it's something that I can take or leave. It's not all that important to me. Could I be open to casual encounters? Maybe, but probably not going to happen and certainly isn't something that I can imagine going looking for.

Having someone to go to craft shows, antique and jumble shops, go hiking etc would be nice. Having someone (but not a large extended family ) to feed would be nice. Having someone to wake up next to would be nice. Sex would be nice too - don't get me wrong, I'm highly in favour of that.

A friend of mine who is about 8 years or so younger has a relationship with someone where they do both have their own houses and it seems to work well for them. In their cases, they both have kids at home too which is one of the reasons they haven't co-habitated.

But for me - a long term committed relationship which is the only sort I would be interested in - would involve eventual co-habitation. I was in my own opinion far too naive going in to dating the first go around and allowed / encouraged a commitment that involved cohabitation to soon. I also keep in mind that my time spent with "S" was a huge mistake on all levels. I allowed myself to be pushed into making choices that were not good for me at all.

The good thing is that I now know there is no rush, no pressure to find anyone to share my life with. I have no need for a nurse, a purse, housekeeper, or a hooker. Unlike when I was first left alone for the first time in my adult life, I don't have any issues contemplating a life spent as a bachelor.

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Probably because I saw her yesterday, had another xW dream where we were a couple again as if nothing had happened. I can't imagine a scenario where we would ever get back together though. As the poet Randy Travis opined "Now you're just an old song nobody sings anymore"

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Ah well - enough philosophy. The tea pot is almost empty. I got word from the plant earlier that we'll be able to manage a couple of swing loads that I can make a home for so I have some math to do for that. I have a small pork roast in the slow cooker and a loaf of bread rising for Sunday Supper. Going to make scalloped potatoes as well. I invited my son over since we can't go out for brunch with the current lockdowns. Hopefully the weather holds - there talk of freezing rain followed by squalls. I'm not sure if his regular Sunday night poker games are still going which happen around the corner from here but if so, then the timing works out well for him and if he needs to, he knows he can stay over here if the weather is bad.

[Traveler]

Very few people are looking for a 58 (in a couple of months) year old "expert" - they expect the experts to be in their 30s.

I hear you. I remember being shocked a couple of years out of college when a large tech company "retired" someone in their mid-50s, and the ensuing comments management made about their age.

Age does cease to be an advantage somewhere around your 30s. If your skillset is in something that's been around, it's obvious most people with 5yrs experience will be much more competent than someone with 0yrs experience, but it's not so obvious someone with 20yrs experience will be much more competent than someone with 10yrs experience. It gets harder and harder as you age to prove your extra wisdom has clear monetary value in the technical market--diminishing returns.

Now, I mitigate this by keeping on-top of new technologies. Often, knowing older technologies allows me to understand the reality (vs. hype) of new technologies more quickly, especially when similar attempts have been made before. With age tends to come reliability and more professional relationships which can make things happen quickly in a pinch, even if I no longer work 12 hours days, am not willing to stay up past midnight, and am not willing to give up many weekends.

[LH19]

So Andy P I think just about everyone on here is looking for a long term relationship that eventually leads to cohabitation. It’s a process. Everything you described you want can be done while living in separate homes until you make the joint decision to move in together for the right reasons. You have these derogatory terms like nurse and purse that will open happen to you if you allow it to happen. Lots of women out there are looking for a nice guy to spend time with without expectations. Just have to find them.

[DonH]

I imagine that dating someone who is financially stable who has their own place with no urgency to get out of it.

I imagine it would be a whole new experience not dating someone who needs rescuing or a roof over your head, uou can take the time to really date someone and get to know someone. And it could be YEARS before anyone moves in together. I think it would be very new to you, but very rewarding

Once again ginger nails it. I hate to use the word normal but I also think doing some normal, perhaps typical, dating would be a totally new experience. It’s not typical (normal) for the new R to become a live together sitch within months. It’s not typical (normal) or healthy for either person to push, course, force or demand they move in under threat of break up after only a few months. Living together or marriage should happen naturally after a year or more of getting to know everything about the person. What are they like with money, how do they handle stress, what is their family like, what are their friends like. What do they value and enjoy. What are they like when sick. There is so much to learn than can’t happen in weeks or a few months.

You should not have to be able to live and get along with anyone. That’s not a partnership - that’s a friendship or coworker arrangement. It’s getting along with your person, the right one, the one in a million match. Not, well she’s available and I think I can make it work. That’s not a partnership. Ginger is very correct. A healthy typical (normal) dating arrangement might be a totally new and at first foreign experience. But it’s what I really hope you do experience next time.

[kml]

Andrew - raise your right hand a repeat after me:
“I will not live with anybody until we have dated a minimum of two years!”

(Seems to me you need an extra long waiting period).

I’m sure you’re correct about the ageism at work - I see it all the time with my patients in their 50’s.
You’ll be able to squirrel away even more money once the alimony is done.