I worry a bit that it could be considered that I'm leading her on (?)
From what I've read, you're showing interest, but have not dated and there's no reason for her to believe you're focusing on her. Unless you'd never in a million years date her--and I don't get that impression--I don't think you're leading her on.
Originally Posted by Andrew
Someone like F would be in some ways a good match. She's kind and capable. She also has some negatives though too. Her young son and his Dad would also be part of the deal. His Dad is very involved and I think actually lives in the apartment just below F. Great for the kid. I don't really want to be involved in raising a kid though.
While some may say I'm colorblind ("CWarrior: I may be colorblind.."), you're getting ahead of yourself, my friend. If her son has a dad who is actively involved she may not want, or may want but may not require another parent. As you date, you discover how well your goals and lives fit together. Don't miss warning flags (like me!), but also don't make too many assumptions. Some people assume themselves out of happily ever afters.
While some may say I'm colorblind ("CWarrior: I may be colorblind.."), you're getting ahead of yourself, my friend. If her son has a dad who is actively involved she may not want, or may want but may not require another parent. As you date, you discover how well your goals and lives fit together. Don't miss warning flags (like me!), but also don't make too many assumptions. Some people assume themselves out of happily ever afters.
Not red flags, just things that I don't want to have to deal with. I have no interest in dating F even if she is a person I respect and like. So not really getting ahead of myself either. I had been interested in dating her years ago but that has passed by as I've learned more about myself and how I am choosing to live my life.
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It was a decent Halloween. I got 42 kids which all things considered was good. It started raining which certainly put an - ahem - damper - on things. I was able to get everything more or less packed up and put away by shortly after 8:00 and in to bed by 9:00
I felt a bit bad about my son - who was not happy with me at all. I'd asked him to stop by and help get things out and to put away some of the heavier things in the yard and said that I'd like it to be done by 5:00. He also wanted to get his snow tires on. He showed up at 4:50 by which time I already had the sloop dragged out of the shed blocking the driveway so snow tires were out of the question. He grumbled that he would have to go back home and then turn around 45 minutes later to come back for his poker game. I offered that he could just hang out at the house and graze on some of the available food but he chose not to.
I'd expected him mid-afternoon but he had only seen the 5:00 on my note and planned accordingly.
So he did help me with the benches and planters but I did the boat myself - about 1000 lbs to shift around. It did get hung up at one point and I became suddenly clever and used the winch to move it along on that bit. I also had to pack it away in the shed on my own as well - I don't think it ever crossed his mind that I could use a hand with that. I ended up with a pretty sore back and dosed myself with nitro. Some liniment and a good night's sleep and I'm not really any worse for wear.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I put my sailboat up for sale for $500 including trailer (worth over $1000) and tarp shed (originally $800 I think) and it got snapped up same day. The buyer was keen and met me after work and handed me cash money. A bit of an odd character - he made a point of telling me of his history as a drug dealer and really tough guy perhaps expecting a reaction (?) I found him rather unpleasant but let him ramble on. He does have an intent of getting the boat out on the water and it would be nice to see that happen. I did make a point of mentioning the cameras that I have going. He said that he expects to pick up the boat, trailer and shed today. I just saw on the side porch camera that he arrived pretty much bang on 9:00 to get the boat. I'll keep half an eye on things for a while.
He also rambled on about how attractive he was to women including the 35 year old he is currently seeing (he's maybe my age?) - and then mentioned that he also provides her with her more - ahem - medicinal needs. Sad in many ways that there are people who live that sort of life-style and believe it to be a great life. Each to their own I suppose. Certainly has no appeal to me. Based on his stories, he's well known to local law enforcement. I've become more aware of the darker side of our small communities around here - some people in it by choice, some just less advantaged. I'm intending on donating at least a good chunk of the money I got for the boat to some local charities that do some good work in the community. I do expect that at least some of it was not obtained through regular commercial channels. Ethical conundrum.
In other positive news, I won a sketch this morning done by a favourite artist - Dave Kellett - that I sponsor on Patreon. I'm looking forward to having this - I'll need to get it properly framed and pick a spot to hang it - probably in the dining room along with a signed print from Johnny Hart that I won a few years ago. I've been trying to win his weekly contest for quite a while. You have to be the first to correctly answer a trivia question as well as being a patron of his work.
I texted my son and apologized for things not working out on Sunday and to also let him know that the boat was sold in case he was coming by today to get his snow tires. I let him know that the person coming was rather "unpleasant". He's going to come by on Thursday and I think appreciated the apology.
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I've been wondering how much of my interest in dating is seasonal / hormonal - certainly is a factor I think. As you might guess by my routine ramblings here though I miss having someone to share my life and experiences with. Perhaps in the new year I'll do a bit more active changes on that end. Or perhaps not.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Selling your items didn't take long at all. I'm glad you got cash for your items. I'm sure you are sorry to see the boat go, but it's been a while since you put "her" in the water. You will put the money to good use and these items are something that you do not have to worry about any longer. Keep an eye on your cameras.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sometimes getting rid of things that have become mostly clutter to us but can be put to good use by others feels really good!
I think that your renewed interest in dating is happening because your job change finally put you in a position to have a little free time again. Dating in these pandemic times must be a challenge. In other times I would simply advise you to start by widening your friend activities; I think the more full your life is with friends, the less you "need" a partner, and therefore the less vulnerable you become to bad choices (or, at least, the less those bad choices affect your life!).
Sometimes getting rid of things that have become mostly clutter to us but can be put to good use by others feels really good!
I will say that when I came home and that 24' shed was no longer there making me feel guilty about not working on the boat, that I felt in some similar ways to coming home and finding that my XW had finally picked up her stuff that had been sitting in boxes for months.
A "no longer my problem" feeling. Sadness, because the end of an era, but absolutely lighter by no longer having that burden. And also a feeling of optimism for future changes.
Originally Posted by kml
I think that your renewed interest in dating is happening because your job change finally put you in a position to have a little free time again.
Didn't think of it that way but you quite possibly are absolutely correct. Still not feeling any urge to be active about it and start cruising the OLD dating thing. One thing that has surprised me is the fact that none of my various friends or relatives have made any effort to set me up with anyone. Perhaps not something that's common any more? Or perhaps they don't see anyone that I would be a good match for.
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Working from home today for the first time in a long time. I have a special project that needs some focus. I negotiated to do my plant work in the morning and afternoon and leave the middle of the day for the project. I can put in 4 days before I go on vacation at the end of the month and that hopefully will get most of it taken care of. Was weird to not have to get up and hustling at 5:00 - slept in to 5:45. We seemed to have had a power outage last night that I slept through thanks to my new UPS on my CPAP. A skiff of fresh snow is on the ground meaning that I may wait a few days before cleaning up from where the she used to sit.
Well - the morning reports from the plant are coming in - need to deal with those.
A bien tot
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Didn't think of it that way but you quite possibly are absolutely correct. Still not feeling any urge to be active about it and start cruising the OLD dating thing. One thing that has surprised me is the fact that none of my various friends or relatives have made any effort to set me up with anyone. Perhaps not something that's common any more? Or perhaps they don't see anyone that I would be a good match for.
Or, MAYBE, they don't see anyone who would be a good match for you. Maybe their single acquaintances aren't good enough for you because you are a catch. Ever think about it that way???
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
