Rebuilding and renewal - 7

[AndrewP]

If it can’t go in the dishwasher it can stay in the cupboard. Ha.

Have a great day!

D

Thanks D. My dishwasher is 57 years old and tends to bounce around the kitchen while working depending on what song is playing on Spotify so there's few things that are off limits to use.

Thanks again for the UPS recommendation - it's a nice feeling to know that even if we have a bad storm such as was predicted, that I'll still get a nice sleep. I have my CPAP and bedside lamp plugged into the unit figuring that it would be handy to have that working too during a power outage.

Drove for about 2 hours today to pick up the chocolate coins I'm known for handing out at Halloween. Despite the rain, or maybe because of it, it was a nice drive. I have been budgeting $1/bag for treats but with the price of chocolate continuing to go up, I think I'm up to about $1.50 this year. I plan on about 100 kids and the most I've gotten has been I think 85. I'll do up bags for "F" and her son as I have for years. I saw her today at the flower shop but she was busy so just waved and said Hi.

I have the duck bones on bubbling away to make some broth - the house smells lovely. As I was putting away the groceries and doing some mental meal-planning it crossed my mind that yes - it would be tough to share "my" kitchen with someone. I could probably share my workshop more easily.

Actually "P" - who is absolutely not a match on a number of factors not to mention the many red flags - doesn't cook but enjoys doing wood-working etc. I just need to perhaps find someone who likes helping out, is fine with not having to cook or clean more than about 35% and who isn't bat sh!t crazy. Oh - and doesn't make more work for me like "S" and her crew did. Or just stay here with the cat which seems to be a solid plan for the foreseeable future.

Sausages and baked potatoes on the menu for tonight (went to my favourite butcher shop today). Pancakes planned for tomorrow's breakfast. Probably duck stew for dinner tomorrow night. Gotta go check on my first load of laundry and the broth.

I did just hear, but need to verify, that my Astro Zenica vaccination will be accepted in the US and then reach out to my travel agent. The kids are aware of my pending visit. It did cross my mind that I may be asked to transport some Christmas gifts for my XW - but she did that for me a couple of years ago. Distance might not make the heart grow fonder, but time does dull the pain.

Ciao Bella

[DnJ]

My dishwasher is 57 years old and tends to bounce around the kitchen while working

Lol.

A good reliable dishwasher is worth its weight in gold.

And you’re welcome. A good night’s sleep is high on the list of priorities in my books.

D

[Ginger1]

I didn’t even know they had dishwashers 57 years ago

[AndrewP]

I didn’t even know they had dishwashers 57 years ago

My sisters used to wash and I dried.

Just reading the Count of Monte Cristo now and was reminded of The Stockdale Paradox that was a thing often discussed back when this forum was a very different place.

I was struck by the difference between Hope and Faith. Stockdale himself wrote that those who did not survive were those who had Hope. He had Faith that he would survive and thrive even if he could not see how.

The Count of Monte Cristo is supposedly based on Alexander Dumas's father who was an astoundingly fascinating man. I read a biography of him titled The Black Count which I heartily recommend.

---

For my own self, I regret little of my journey towards divorce. This place was one that had some very good people who encouraged and reinforced my faith and who also supported me when I chose to turn away from that path.

I'm not a religious man despite my regular references to Scripture. But it just struck me now on how very different Hope and Faith are that I was compelled to write about it.

The story continues ...

[AndrewP]

Not a lot going on here in Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan. The sun is currently rising over the gangway over the rail line - looks pretty in an industrial kind of way.

We're on annual shut-down here right now so the place is busier than a nest of ants that just found a picnic. I still am amazed by the skill of the crane operators who are able to put those big pieces that have been pre-fabricated for the plant down right on the button. It's helped that the weather has been fabulous - clear with little wind.

The operations manager has been off as his father passed. He'd been in hospice care so not a surprise. I was a bit disappointed that the general reaction from the guys has been one of relief that he's not around. Personally, he seems like a decent enough guy, but has an aggressive, abrasive, confrontational manner with the staff. It's also perhaps an indicator that shutdown is going smoothly without his presence.

With direct responsibility for managing truck loading having been taken off my plate, I can actually get things done and have time for myself in the evening. It's weird but very nice to take my time to make dinner, my lunch for the next day, clean up the kitchen, take care of the cat without feeling rushed. I'm actually feeling confident enough of free time that I reached out to one of my best friends for dinner plans. We're getting together next week.

I do need to adjust my daily routine to accommodate having evenings open - there's things I could putter around about that aren't part of my habits at present. Setting aside some time in the evenings for a good book would also be lovely.

I'm doing some reading about doing the cross-country train trip - it may be a bit rich for my pocket-book. We'll have to see. While it would undoubtedly be a great experience, it's not on the scale of for example my trip to Madrid and Alcalá de Henares. I've still not heard back from my travel agent.

In doing some not very random internet browsing I came across a posting on social media referencing my XW. It was from back in June and was a picture of her manicure that showed a small diamond ring on her ring finger. No clue if it's an official thing or not. My first reaction was frustration that I'm still sending off those monthly cheques while she's got her new life but then I quickly calmed down and remembered that it was the price I knowingly paid for peace and certainty.

I really have pretty much no insight into her life over the past number of years and that's a good thing. Occasionally, like before I had the urge to do a quick online search, I get the "feeling" that she's hovering in some fashion or other. I still find it odd that she's stayed in the area as OM and his family are from an hour north in a bigger centre. I would imagine though that as far as acquaintances and neighbours are concerned, how she ended up split from me is not at all an issue that affects them or their relationship with her. In the occasions that I happen to drive by her house when running errands on the weekend, I rarely see her car there so presumably she's off doing her own thing like was her habit. At home she'd camp out in the living room with a good book or murder mystery show and big bag of potato chips for much of the weekends, but that house was big enough for each of us to have our own space. It was made plain to me fairly early in our marriage that she needed her "alone time".
Her current place is tiny so it's undoubtedly harder to get there.

Ah well - pointless to discuss. The state of her and OM affect me little beyond the limited overlap with the kids. I'll keep sending the monthly payments and then when the last one has been cashed, nudge her to take her name off the insurance policy I pay for on me with her as the beneficiary and then that is definitely that.

I still don't know if I'll reach out to her or not but I will mention to my son when we have brunch that if he had anything to send that I could do that.

[LH19]

I'll keep sending the monthly payments and then when the last one has been cashed, nudge her to take her name off the insurance policy I pay for on me with her as the beneficiary and then that is definitely that.

WTF?????? An insurance policy with her as the beneficiary that you are paying. Why?

[AndrewP]

I'll keep sending the monthly payments and then when the last one has been cashed, nudge her to take her name off the insurance policy I pay for on me with her as the beneficiary and then that is definitely that.

WTF?????? An insurance policy with her as the beneficiary that you are paying. Why?

It's pretty common. It covers the alimony that she is "entitled to" in the event that I pop my clogs prematurely. All part of the deal as negotiated.

[LH19]

I'll keep sending the monthly payments and then when the last one has been cashed, nudge her to take her name off the insurance policy I pay for on me with her as the beneficiary and then that is definitely that.

WTF?????? An insurance policy with her as the beneficiary that you are paying. Why?

It's pretty common. It covers the alimony that she is "entitled to" in the event that I pop my clogs prematurely. All part of the deal as negotiated.

Give me your Lawyer's name I would like punch him/her in the throat. At worst she should pay for the premium.

[DnJ]

Andrew, the insurance policy and your paying of the premiums is a good arrangement.

Very well done, from my perspective. Seldom does one gain in these divorce matters from brute force fighting.

That was a purposeful and rationally negotiated transaction that in part limited your amount and duration of requisite alimony.

Only 29 payments left and it’s done. You could have been paying for the remainder of her life. My arrangement was a lump sum. Your’s was front loaded higher payment with a guarantee. Pretty good resolutions methinks. Resolution, not win. It’s the best one can hope for. No need to throat punch your lawyer. Lol.

D

[DnJ]

I was struck by the difference between Hope and Faith. Stockdale himself wrote that those who did not survive were those who had Hope. He had Faith that he would survive and thrive even if he could not see how.

Yes, have faith before Hope.

However, why cannot one have both?

The Hope, is more accurately optimism which left unfulfilled turns to resentment and thus poisons one. Unchecked or untethered optimism would lead to ruin eventually, as of course was witnessed by Stockdale.

I am a rather optimistic guy. And my views on Hope and the need to not tie it to a deadline or timeframe allows Hope to remain alive and, I believe, well.

“…I believe…”. And therein lay the strength. Belief. Faith.

I believe, live, and have faith in my life’s journey. I have faith in Hope and goodness as well. I suspect faith encompasses the hopeful aspect within itself. Well, the faith we are referring to. For, I suppose, one could have a belief, a complete faith, that things would turn out terrible.

Like most things, it really depends upon one’s point of view. Faith is absolutely needed to survive. Hope or hopeless decided if one thrives or not.

Just some late night pondering.

D