WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Divorced Anyway (5)

[kml]

Yeah - if they're paying your tuition, and it will widen or improve your options in the future, I say go for it.

[Maika]

The thread in Newcomers is almost closing so I thought I'd get back to you about the show here.

Spoilers..................


I thought the last episode was the least well-written one out of all of them. I didn't buy it. I can see that he was jaded and not invested in being a 'good' partner - having affairs and lying to his wife etc. I also question if he learned anything during therapy and if he truly did some inner work on himself. To turn around and basically do the same thing to his now wife seemed like he's not learned anything. He got into marriage because she got pregnant and he wanted a child - like that's just so not stand up behavior or even learning from his mistakes. He's totally okay being the WAS and inflicting the same damage that he experienced. That's a terrible message from all of this.

Like I would never do that - I'd rather stay single or not get into something serious if I wasn't going to truly commit to that person.

I could see her wanting to spend time alone and not be involved in anything serious. The scene with her OM was quite good - it would've been cathartic for the LBS to see that the exW was done with OM and had no interest in anything long term.

But I still felt that them hooking up was on the unrealistic side. I mean I'm sure it happens, but I think it's less frequent.

Overall, the show is good, but that last episode kinda didn't work for me.

[BL42]

Maika,

Glad you followed up. Wish that thread hadn't gotten locked down because we were having some interesting discussion on the topic.

I thought the last episode was the least well-written one out of all of them. I didn't buy it.

I agree w/your general assessment. He's gotten jaded and become a bad actor himself. I'd like to think you and I wouldn't do that either. I agree them hooking up was farfetched - that happening in my sitch seems ludicrous.

Imo the BD episode was most spot on and triggering - so powerful - any friend of family member who wants to understand what we experienced should it.

[OnlyBent]

I just watched it last night...after finding out my S is being introduced to OM soon. Not sure why I put myself through that but anyway...

I'm with you two on the episode. I didn't get as much out of it and it was by far the least engaging of the 5 episodes. My main thought is how incredibly sad for him that he ended up like that. The previous two episodes I was pretty happy for him because I thought he had grown and it was like at least he got something out of a cr@ppy situation. But he didn't. I can never imagine treating a new partner like he did her after having gone through all this. At least she had gotten to some semblance of peace in her life, although I don't think she was actually happy.

Were they really meant for each other? Why was she still seeing him? Was it to still hold on to part of what they had? Or was she doing it to show him that he hadn't changed for the better after all and was no better then she was?

[Maika]

Yeah totally agree with you OB!

He showed zero growth and that he was okay and willing to do the same that he went through as an LBS. That other woman, his now wife, is going to encounter a world of hurt when she finds out about the affairs and that he doesn't really care that much about her. How can he put her through such crap after what he was put through? I just shake my head at it. Definitely not something most LBS here would do.

It's hard to say if they were meant for each other. I find the concept of the 'one' or 'soulmate' hard to grasp - I think there's tons of options for each person and it's how we can make it work.

I think she was still seeing him because she has a need to be wanted at some level. That he can be Plan B and she can eat the cake and have it too. I guess familiarity makes things easier too.

Part of it could be that they are the same underneath - but I think that's a pretty callous view. He had the opportunity to be much better but he chose not to be that way. I think she's trying to find peace but you're right that she's not happy.

I think a better ending would've been if she'd ended up with someone else, or alone for a while, or being a serial dater. All of those are plausible options depending on where she was with her emotional and personal growth. Ideally he would be in the same place too - finding a co-parenting rhythm or at least parallel parenting.

He had way too much fondness for her throughout, even when she was pushing him to the limits and that was weak behavior. He salvaged it in episode 4 when he rejected her idea of trying again. I thought he'd turned a good corner there.

I think till episode 4 the show was very strong, but the last episode was much less believable.

[Sage4]

I feel like the final episode was an ode to 'the grass is not greener' to either side.

It perfected the 'Hero's Journey' though: W realizes that she might not ever be truly happy (happiness comes from within!). H realizes that he hadn't overcome his orthodox past (full pendulum swing in his narrative, from being the 'left the church but I'm still a good orthodox boy at heart' in his M with Mira; to the guy who says he doesn't believe in all of that and just wants carnal pleasure at the expense of his current, religious W). Let's allow them to switch roles! Who is more pure at the end now?

Our lesson from this is simple: do good, be authentic to oneself and nothing you see outside of you is a reflection of you, merely of the other.

Loved the show overall. Though I had wished my initial BD was an elegant and eloquent as what I saw.

[Maika]

Yeah I loved the show too. My BD was in the exact same setting - the dining table next to the kitchen and it happened in a very similar fashion, however not anywhere as close to eloquence as the show. I also didn't have those heart to heart talks that dominated the middle episodes after BD.

[kml]

What show are you guys talking about here???

[BL42]

What show are you guys talking about here???

HBO's "Scenes from a Marriage" on HBO.

There was a thread in Newcomers about Netflix's "Sex/Lives" which also touched on "Marriage Story" and “The Killing of Two Lovers”, and eventually turned a discussion on the HBO adaptation of Swedish miniseries by Ingmar Bergman, but the thread hit its post limit and got locked out before we could fully discuss the final episode.

Netflix (Sex/Lives) an Inside to the mind of a WW

[BL42]

I was feeling a bit down today related to kids & OM2. Earlier this week I dropped off them off for the first time at ExW's new house, which is directly across the street from OM2's sister and her family. Looked like the two places coordinated Halloween decorations, and I'm sure they'll just be spending lots of time together as one big happy family. Then today S6 brought home a paper from 1st grade in which ExW had written OM2's pet name in the box for his family. I realize it's something I have no control over and have to get over it, but it still stings me as their father to know a person ExW betrayed me with is spending time raising my kids, and it's crazy to me how all of a sudden me and my family have been replaced with spares and the kids are just "dragged and dropped" into a brand new "family".

On the bright side...I have the kids for the next week and a half, so looking forward to that. I overheard S6 bragging to some of the other kids at their practice "hey guys my dad plays soccer, like real soccer" which made me proud to hear him say (he doesn't know it's just rec adult league lol). Also...I aced my grad school midterm!