WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Divorced Anyway (5)

[BL42]

Ginger1/kml,

DO NOT put “my kids are my number one priority” on your dating profile. Ever. It’s a hard swipe left for me.

However, if I had read a profile where a guy said his kids were his number one priority, that would have been a plus not a negative.

I don't have that explicitly written in my profile and don't include pictures of my kids either. I've seen some women who do and don't necessarily view it good or bad, though maybe to Ginger1's point if someone's going out of their way to make a point of it maybe they're over-compensating? Hopefully it's assumed the kids come first; I've no interest in dating any mother who does not make her children #1 in her life. I do list "divorced" and "have children" in my status...figure if people are specifically filtering out on those categories than why waste my time?

Take care of your kids, take care of you, and when you feel like dating is something you want to do and dedicate some time to do it right, go for it . And when you do, remember it’s not making something else not a priority in your life. It’s making room for another one !

Good advice - thanks!

I didn't really date guys with younger kids (because of my age and because I avoided guys who had young children as I really wasn't interested in reliving that phase of child-rearing - I would have been ok with someone with teens).

I imagine me having two young kids will limit the dating pool a bit. That's understandable. While dating before married I certainly preferred meeting someone without kids. Now I'm on the other side of the table (without any choice in the matter I must say). It is what it is. It seems like a single mom may be a better fit and more synched up with my situation than someone without kids. Time will tell though...who knows.

One guy I am dating is a father to a 3 and 5 year old. He has 50% custody, never goes on and on about being an awesome dad, but he low key is. He’s just being a dad. He doesn’t need or want accolades. He is just a great dad because he is and doesn’t need to prove it to anyone. We were hanging out the other night and he was telling me about how he loses patience sometimes and looks forward to his day off after 5 days on because he needs it. He doesn’t pretend like he loves every minute of it. He’s real.

And that’s what I find really really sexy

What parents don't have their patience tested once in a awhile! lol. I definitely prefer my time with the kids than without, and hate when they have to leave, but I'd be lying if there weren't sometimes a sense of relief to have a few days to myself - single parenting can certainly be intense!

[kml]

I didn't really date guys with younger kids (because of my age and because I avoided guys who had young children as I really wasn't interested in reliving that phase of child-rearing - I would have been ok with someone with teens).
I imagine me having two young kids will limit the dating pool a bit. That's understandable. While dating before married I certainly preferred meeting someone without kids. Now I'm on the other side of the table (without any choice in the matter I must say). It is what it is. It seems like a single mom may be a better fit and more synched up with my situation than someone without kids. Time will tell though...who knows.

Well if May mostly restrict your choices in older women. Bear in mind I was in my fifties, my kids were in college - I just wasn’t looking to date a 50 year old guy with a five year old kid.

[kml]

(PS don’t know why the quote within the quote didn’t copy right)

[Ginger1]

Yeah, you’ll be fine with younger women.

I’m 41 with a 14 year old. I’ve been raising her as a divorced single parent since she was a baby. I’ve loved another man’s child .I adore kids and they adore me .

I am only dating this guy with young kids because it’s casual and not going anywhere and I’ll never meet his kids. I don’t want to get attached to anyone’s kids anymore. I also get freedom to move in 4 years. Freedom to travel. My chance for once to focus on me. That’s the path I want to take.

But you mentioned you are almost 40. Women in their 30’s for the most part have no problem dating a guy with younger children. Even 40’s because a lot of women had their kids a bit later in life. I’m sure you’ll have no problem finding dates when you are ready to invest.

[DejaVu6]

I agree with Ginger. Having kids won’t be an issue for most. The only women who might think it is a problem are the ones who are still looking to have kids of their own and worry that would not be an option with someone who already has them. I think they would be in the minority though. Once you decide you want to date seriously, I think you will have plenty of options. It gets a bit dicier once you hit your fifties.

[Dawn70]

I agree with what Ginger said bragging about kids being the number one priority in their dating profile being a hard pass. It has been my experience when someone tries really hard to “prove” they are a certain way, they are generally the opposite of what they’re trying to prove. Guys who insist repeatedly that they’re nice guys while being rude to a waitress, bosses who swear they aren’t micro managers while standing over you trying to direct every move. I didn’t necessarily avoid dating profiles of men who had children but I did avoid those who spent a lot of time talking about prioritizing their kids (they SHOULD prioritize them so that kind of goes without saying in my mind) or being a good/great dad were ones I’d pass on because they typically were more talk and less action where their kids were concerned. Of course I would want to know if a guy had kids but in dating, it is my opinion, the initial stages are about getting to know each other so occasional chats about kids is fine but too much of a good thing is a good thing, so to speak. Guys who proclaimed themselves great dads a lot in profiles kind of made me think of one of my dad’s favorite phrases about someone being all hat and no cattle.

[BL42]

Pretty good (but hectic) weekend of GAL...

Friday night attend a concert with some friends. The band was pretty popular a decade or two ago, and they put on an entertaining show.

Saturday morning walked the homecoming parade with S6's team I'm coaching and then rushed over to set up the fields for a tournament we hosted, which was a bit stressful but went smoothly. I love volunteering for these activities which keep me engaged with S6 even on days during "ExW's week". It's helped me meet a lot of parents from school too. A light switch must have gone off in his head because he really turned it on, got aggressive, and excelled on the field which was great to be a part of :-) Later that night I attended a good friend's birthday party, with catering and a live band.

Sunday went for a run then spent most of the day tackling the midterm for my grad school class which was due at midnight. I got it submitted but will see how the grading goes. I hated working on it during a beautiful weekend day, and it really got me wondering if I want to spend the next 2-3 years on the degree and spending my limited free time virtually behind a computer screen (which I already do for my job), as opposed to other more physical/social activities. Need to finish up this class regardless, but have to do some thinking about next semester.

Monday I took an impromptu day off work as the kids did not have school and we had a great time w/some "Fall activities".

[kml]

Well - what's the benefit of the graduate degree? Will it earn you more money? Get you into a different field that you think you might like better? Or is it mostly window dressing that won't actually impact your career arc?

[BL42]

kml,

Well - what's the benefit of the graduate degree? Will it earn you more money? Get you into a different field that you think you might like better? Or is it mostly window dressing that won't actually impact your career arc?

There wouldn't be any immediate direct impact. It's not like my company will automatically bump up my salary once I complete the degree. It would be a resume booster and therefore may lead to different opportunities, better my career, or improve my earnings over time, but there's also a chance it'd ultimately be window dressing...tough to say. They do pay for the tuition, so it's the opportunity cost of my time not my money. Honestly part of my thinking in applying was that it'd be intellectually stimulating and self-improving. But stuck inside behind a computer on a gorgeous Fall weekend day I was thinking maybe I should be outside hiking, running, playing golf or tennis, or meeting up with friends LOL

[Dawn70]

kml,

Well - what's the benefit of the graduate degree? Will it earn you more money? Get you into a different field that you think you might like better? Or is it mostly window dressing that won't actually impact your career arc?

There wouldn't be any immediate direct impact. It's not like my company will automatically bump up my salary once I complete the degree. It would be a resume booster and therefore may lead to different opportunities, better my career, or improve my earnings over time, but there's also a chance it'd ultimately be window dressing...tough to say. They do pay for the tuition, so it's the opportunity cost of my time not my money. Honestly part of my thinking in applying was that it'd be intellectually stimulating and self-improving. But stuck inside behind a computer on a gorgeous Fall weekend day I was thinking maybe I should be outside hiking, running, playing golf or tennis, or meeting up with friends LOL

I know I'm very biased about this particular subject since I am in the education field, but I say go forward with it. I got the opportunity to get my master's and have my company at the time pay for it and I got a pay bump upon completion, but I fully intend to go for a Ph.D. at some point, probably in the relatively near future. It won't necessarily benefit me work-wise, but it has LONG been a goal of mine to have a Ph.D. so I will. Of course, since I work at a university, as long as I choose to matriculate here, I can get a significant cost reduction as an employee.

While homework might have sucked this weekend, that won't always be the case, don't let one wistful day of what if derail a bigger goal.