Yeh I'd like to do the real life thing for sure too. I'm just struggling to think of opportunities where I would meet women naturally. It seems to be a huge creep factor approaching women in gyms and grocery stores and I definitely don't want to give off that vibe. One of the things I need to do is put myself out there more - not just for dates but to talk and be conversational with random people. I've shut myself in a lot, and the pandemic didn't help.
As LH says, I don't think it's harmful to also do the OLD route. I am not in a hurry to get into a R and so I can explore both options when the time comes. I need to be in more social environments for sure though - expand my social contacts and be out there.
Thx bttrfly for your take. I suspect there's a whole lot of diversity out there on OLD - from players to hookups to people wanting R's. I'll have a better sense of it when I do put myself out there.
In other news, I'm feeling a lot better about all of the other things that triggered me. I am finding almost one job every day that I can apply for and I'm putting in the applications and being diligent about it. Being active about this is reducing my anxiety.
i'd say it murky because CW is color blind - he can't/won't/doesn't see the red flags the rest of us see, so we hear about the women other guys would pass on.
Yes, don't let my experiences with OLD scare you away! I find similar people online and offline.
I wrote a bunch about Ms. WoodlandNymph--younger, prettier, and requires more effort--and very little about another who agreed to a date who is the opposite. Was the adventure with Ms. WoodlandNymph worth 5 minutes calming her on the phone and 90min in person? You have the power to decide when you date. It's a Choose Your Own Adventure.
Originally Posted by Maika
I don't understand that. What does that mean? Is it something like 'hey, ask me about how I managed to eat the behemoth cheeseburger at the county fair' - i know I'm sounding ridiculous here but scarfing down giant cheeseburgers might be someone's unique thing lol.
I suspect that would solicit replies like, "Tell me!" or "I'm curious.", which won't help you decide which of the many women writing you to prioritize. I usually choose something closer to, "Tell me your favorite xxx", where xxx is something that matters and requires a few words to reply to. You've made it easy to show they bothered to read your profile and the initial response's length and content will help you decide which of the many interested women to prioritize responding to.
My biggest advice starting out is don't swipe too much. If only 33% of women in your chosen demographic (e.g., +/- 10yrs, iso relationship or marriage) are into you, in three dozen swipes you're going to have to make hard choices about which of the 12 women who eventually message you and 6 women you'd like to meet get dates first. Don't expect them all to wait. They'll correctly read that they're not at the top of your priority list and move on to other men for whom they are.
Try to use the following buzz words: Spontaneous Independent Loyal Intelligent Funny
Women also respond if you make them laugh. I use this at the end of mine:
I spend a lot of time thinking about: If it’s neither here nor there. Where in the heck is it? What would I actually do for a Klondike bar? If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, how did it fall off in the first place? If everyone Wang Chungs tonight, what would tomorrow be like? Since the world didn’t end December 21st 2012, weren’t a lot of babies born September 20th, 2013?
Wow I'm getting some primo tips from everyone here. Thanks everyone. I got enough to jump right out of the gate and see what's what in the OLD world and how the scene is looking where I'm at.
Yeh I'd like to do the real life thing for sure too. I'm just struggling to think of opportunities where I would meet women naturally. It seems to be a huge creep factor approaching women in gyms and grocery stores and I definitely don't want to give off that vibe. One of the things I need to do is put myself out there more - not just for dates but to talk and be conversational with random people. I've shut myself in a lot, and the pandemic didn't help.
I understand the creep factor concern and I would say that I would never approach a woman unless there had been obvious eye contact and/or a smile. Also I think how you approach is key. If you approach like you are trying to pick them up, that can come across as creepy or sleazy. But if you treat them like a normal human being, like you would anyone having a random/funny interaction with then it is unlikely to be unwelcome.
As an example, when I was at the party earlier in the year, there was a girl that I noticed straight away but I though she was 21 and her sister was 18. I still went and chatted with them, but with no intention, I thought she was waaaaay too young for me. Talking later to a friend who knew her, I found out she was 34, so we chatted again. Because I'd approached with no expectation the first time, she was really open and friendly. We ended up having a great night together.
Me: 41 W:42 T: 14 M: 11 S: 6
"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
I think the part of OLD that we kind of need at this age is knowing ( for the most part) that they are actually single. When you are young and in the wild, very few are married. Now, most are, and uiu might end up approaching married people.
In my area, we have a few FB singles groups. There is one big one that has events nearly every night if the week. They do big parties, dinners, drinks, different activities, hikes, whatever. I haven’t been to an event yet, but plan on it soon. A coworker joined the group and we are going to start going. She’s going to the Halloween party this coming Saturday, but I can’t make it. Couples have come out of this group, new friends have come out of the group. I did go on 2 dates with one guy from the group and 1 date with a guy from another ( the DM’d me)
Check it out in your area. Search groups on FB and put in “singles”
if you like outdoor activities stores like LL Bean and REI have one day workshops where you can learn something fun (often free, or nearly so) and you are guaranteed that if you meet someone there you at least have one common interest.
really being your authentic self is the best sell most people spot BS a mile away.
also every community around here has community education activities. ours has a corn hole competition and pickle ball to name a few group activities. you may want to check that out as well. the cost is usually very low.
OB's point of going in with no expectation is key. Go because of a genuine interest in the event and if you meet new people/friends/dates that's a bonus, right?
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
most people spot BS a mile away.