Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 10 of 10 1 2 8 9 10
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 3,202
Likes: 12
D
DnJ Offline
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 3,202
Likes: 12
Good Morning El

OW’s behaviour is following the well worn path of these folks. Her behaviour sounds just like what you’d expect from someone who had a part in blowing up so many lives and families. She is most likely in a crisis herself, as emotionally healthy people do not do what she and H have done.

Her sexual innuendos are rather standard for these crisis individuals. My XW flaunted her affair, told me and son about her first sexual time with OM - yes told us, in my house, in front of son.

Those consumed by emotional turmoil are dragged back in time and relive events from that period. They are basically their younger adolescence rebellious self, just worse. OW is flaunting, trying to shock, and trying to get approval, all in a mixed up way and while running from whatever trauma(s) drove her to this in the first place.

Her and H are two train wrecks. Ones you need not watch.

Of course at times certain events come front and center and you will be required to deal with things. Otherwise, focus on you, and leave the crazy to the crazy folks.

Regarding S20, let it lay for now. You focus and strengthen your relationship with him. When he does want to talk, be open and honest.

It sounds like you overheard son’s answer to handyman’s question. If you were right there. And son said stuff directly with you present. That’s more of an opening for discussion. Let it lay.

Don’t be too worried about son’s mental health regarding these innuendos. All kids get weirded out when “old” parents talk about their sex lives. Even loving devoted parents. Lol.

Originally Posted by Elbereth
Otherwise, I'm still struggling. I've been kind of numb and feeling a bit lost. I'm just so tired and just ready to have the house sold already so that I can get closer to moving on with my life. I've not had enough time for self care or the counseling I want to do. And I know I need to work on things to heal. But I'm just so tired. Between the house stuff and extra work right now, I'm just exhausted. Still no word on the job front, so I do feel dragged along there too. Everything feels so overwhelming at the moment, in my life and in the world. I keep telling myself it will get better.

(((Hugs)))

There is a bit of a desert to walk through. A limbo of sorts. It takes time.

Focus on you. Do the inner work. Find and craft your beliefs and convictions. Carve out some “me” time. Go for a walk. Watch a show. Read a book. Something to shift your focus and give your mind something else to ponder for a bit. And by the way, I remember just how hard that is.

You will get through the desert of grief, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other.

You are doing fine.

D


Now: Me54 XW50 S24 S23 S21 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,068
Likes: 12
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,068
Likes: 12
Originally Posted by Elbereth
Otherwise, I'm still struggling. I've been kind of numb and feeling a bit lost. I'm just so tired and just ready to have the house sold already so that I can get closer to moving on with my life. I've not had enough time for self care or the counseling I want to do. And I know I need to work on things to heal. But I'm just so tired. Between the house stuff and extra work right now, I'm just exhausted. Still no word on the job front, so I do feel dragged along there too. Everything feels so overwhelming at the moment, in my life and in the world. I keep telling myself it will get better.

El, thanks for the honest, frank update. I feel that a lot of LBSs here do themselves a disservice by putting on a "I am doing great!" front. It is okay to struggle. It is ok to have fear, anxiety, sadness, grief over the end of the MR. What it is NOT okay to do is to not do anything about it. I know you were really busy with things over the last few months, but a that transitions into less activity, you have to find ways to cope. Counseling, support groups, ladies group activities (not sure if you are a member of a church but it is a great resource!), etc. Staying busy is the key. You were busy through the move, etc, but do not just sit and stew. We've seen LBSs that do that and all it does is prolong the struggle.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 190
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 190
Hello friends... Just a quick update in case you thought I hurt myself or something...as I've been offline for a very long time now.

It's been crazy busy with the house sale. We are accepting the offers by tomorrow and reviewing early ones. That whole process was mostly on me and I'm exhausted by it. At the same time, workload at work for me has tripled as we are getting close to a new product release and are still very short handed. So I've been working long days. They have also still not offered me any solid job details either. In fact, now they want an in-depth resume to express what I do for the company in deep detail as well as what other skills I offer. Like I have time for that too? But I guess the company that acquired us really doesn't know all that I do, so I get it. Or maybe it's just another stalling tactic.

In short, I've had very little time for self care, and for me it's mostly been disconnecting by watching videos or anything that allows me not to feel or think.

Emotionally, I'm struggling, but I am trying to focus on the positives and the fact that this house sale is another step in getting my life under my control and also more time for healing and growth.

So, I'm hanging in there...and I did read all your recent messages and I appreciate them. More than you will ever know. I will respond to them in more detail soon. And I have a lot of catching up in reviewing where you all are at as well...

Until then...

((Hugs))

El


Me 51, H 55
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (18 and 20)
BD: Fall 2020
AP for at least 6 mos prior and still ongoing...
Divorce Started: Spring 2021


Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 3,752
Likes: 16
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 3,752
Likes: 16
Hi Elbereth, so nice to hear from you even if life is hectic. ((Hugs)) Looking forward to your next update where you sell the house or get a work bonus and are catching us up while drinking Mai Tai's on some Hawaiian island.



Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 518
Likes: 12
B
Member
Online
Member
B
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 518
Likes: 12
Elbereth,
Originally Posted by Elbereth
It's been crazy busy with the house sale. We are accepting the offers by tomorrow and reviewing early ones. That whole process was mostly on me and I'm exhausted by it.

It must be a lot to deal with to prep the house, especially considering the emotion aspect of your entire sitch. Hang in there. It's tough now I'm sure, but perhaps when it's finalized it'll help you process through and get some sort of closure.

Originally Posted by Elbereth
At the same time, workload at work for me has tripled as we are getting close to a new product release and are still very short handed. So I've been working long days. They have also still not offered me any solid job details either. In fact, now they want an in-depth resume to express what I do for the company in deep detail as well as what other skills I offer. Like I have time for that too? But I guess the company that acquired us really doesn't know all that I do, so I get it. Or maybe it's just another stalling tactic.
Sometimes my managers have reached out to me to help them quantify my impact or list my responsibilities in order to help them justify an award or salary raise or level promotion. HR sometimes has policies and inputs on the process which managers can't always answer on their own and the easiest answer is to ask the employee. As a manager I've done that at times with my employees. So...not saying that IS the case, but it MAY be that their ask is actually a good sign.

Originally Posted by Elbereth
In short, I've had very little time for self care, and for me it's mostly been disconnecting by watching videos or anything that allows me not to feel or think.

Emotionally, I'm struggling, but I am trying to focus on the positives and the fact that this house sale is another step in getting my life under my control and also more time for healing and growth.
Sorry to hear that. Hang in there. Do want you can for yourself. Hopefully when you get through the house process it'll free up some time to work on you.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,925
Likes: 1
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,925
Likes: 1
Thanks for the update El. Hope things calm down soon and you can focus on some self care. (((HUGS)))


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 190
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 190
Started a new thread over on the Surviving the Big D forum: Create the life...

See you on the other side...

El


Me 51, H 55
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (18 and 20)
BD: Fall 2020
AP for at least 6 mos prior and still ongoing...
Divorce Started: Spring 2021


Page 10 of 10 1 2 8 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard