I have a decent inflatable mattress for guests since only the one bedroom is currently furnished.
Andrew - one word of advice about that inflatable mattress, learned from touring and sleeping at various people's houses - they get COLD. When you make one up, put a comforter or thick blankets UNDER the bottom sheet - otherwise all your body heat goes out into the air mattress.
I have a decent inflatable mattress for guests since only the one bedroom is currently furnished.
Andrew - one word of advice about that inflatable mattress, learned from touring and sleeping at various people's houses - they get COLD. When you make one up, put a comforter or thick blankets UNDER the bottom sheet - otherwise all your body heat goes out into the air mattress.
I have a nice wool blanket I use for that - lesson learned long time ago. That and the fact that a big sweaty guy like me shouldn't be sleeping pretty much right on top of plastic
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I was up late last night watching old episodes of Get Smart with the cat. I think he's been feeling lonely and clingy lately so I gave him some time.
Going to be a busy day today. One of my cousins is getting married this afternoon - lot of anti-vaxers in that crowd so I'll be masked and keeping my distance.
We had a minor shutdown at the plant this morning so there's some scrambling going on. Our main logistics partner - who has been less than happy lately is even more unhappy this morning. I had to make calls late last night because someone else booked an overnight pick-up appointment when we had told them they could leave their truck under the rack. I only found out about 1/2 hour before the other trailer arrived. Annoying because it's me that manages the schedule. Grumble. I've been back and forth with the carrier (who is already annoyed at having to work on the weekend) and the plant.
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One of "those" mornings today. I really wanted someone to cuddle. The cat isn't allowed in my room at night and they aren't the right sort of cuddly anyway. Haven't had that for about 5 1/2 years now. B would be up before me and for most of our relationship would be away at the cottage for the weekend. S snored away until mid-afternoon so I would have to carefully get up and slip quietly downstairs.
I've been debating changing my handle to "Captain Save-A-Ho" - I think it was Wayfarer that posted that. I was surprised that it wasn't original and that that name is in circulation out there - there was one version that used a Captain Underpants theme that I found particularly funny. Certainly makes you think. I came across a post the other day where - a growing more common tale - a local single mom with a couple of kids is unable to find housing. I've got lots of room here. Makes me feel guilty a bit that I'm so fortunate here. Not something I want to get into though renting out part of the house or involving myself with someone with young kids who may just be looking for a provider.
It did make me examine my motivations on why these concepts are superficially attractive to me and I think I've got part of it even though I'm not happy with it. As a financially secure guy, being involved with someone who is less financially secure would create a power imbalance in my favour in the relationship. And that's not what I want. During my marriage there was never any question on who made more money / had more control. It was - or at least I like to believe - an equal partnership on most things. If anything my wife had perhaps more control as I tended to go along with most of her ideas. We went on the nice tropical vacations she liked that I was ok with as I could usually find parks and museums to visit. Her car was perhaps a bit nicer than mine, but was the main one used for driving the family around. We had our monthly budget meetings and talked about priorities before spending money of any consequence. And this was all while she brought in about 1/3 the income that I did. But she also did the bulk of the child-care and home-making.
Dunno.
Well - I have to be out at the farm for the wedding before 3:00. Still have to pick up a card to go with the gift I got plus do my groceries and all the usual stuff. Brunch with my son tomorrow and a lot of the house chores will have to wait until then.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Sounds like you had a fairly even situation with your ex-wife. And it wouldn’t be wrong to be in a relationship with a woman who earned a lot less, so long as she actually brought other things of equal value to the relationship. But where you made your mistake was in trying to save someone.
It’s true that financial stability is one of the good things you bring to a relationship. Be proud of that. But look for a relationship that is an equal exchange, a partnership. And you’re right - rescuing may seem attractive because you THINK you’ll have more power. I think the reality was very different, at least with S.
One of "those" mornings today. I really wanted someone to cuddle. The cat isn't allowed in my room at night and they aren't the right sort of cuddly anyway.
I hear you, Andrew. Whatever you want to knock about Ms Sunshine, it was great waking up next to someone who was also a morning person and enjoyed cuddling. I've never gone the casual route before, but I'm starting to consider it, because I don't see myself going for a long stretch without sex BUT I also don't see myself ready for an awesome relationship just now.
Originally Posted by Andrew
"Captain Save-A-Ho"
lmao. Wayfarer's name for me. You're welcome to it.
Originally Posted by Andrew
As a financially secure guy, being involved with someone who is less financially secure would create a power imbalance in my favour in the relationship.
Not necessarily. Ms Sunshine makes far more than me. I enjoyed zipping around in her Porsche. I didn't ask for, nor did I have any designs on her money. The dates I planned and paid for were within my means.
Originally Posted by kml
it wouldn’t be wrong to be in a relationship with a woman who earned a lot less, so long as she actually brought other things of equal value to the relationship.
Absolutely. I know exactly how much work goes into cleaning, organizing, cooking, laundry, etc. It sounds like Andrew may have had that fair exchange in his marriage. There was a mom I knew with a Master's degree who ran a spreadsheet she showed her husband during monthly family meetings showing how many hundreds she saved each month staying home. It was impressive.
It did make me examine my motivations on why these concepts are superficially attractive to me and I think I've got part of it even though I'm not happy with it. As a financially secure guy, being involved with someone who is less financially secure would create a power imbalance in my favour in the relationship. And that's not what I want.
The crux of “saving” someone.
It’s control. A less powerful position lessens the likelihood that they would leave. Trust and faith in others are struggles you have mentioned often. Although, I believe you are slowly finding them again.
You see these superficial draws. Good. Now, what is deeper? What is attractive to you deep down?
Long walks. No. Ok yes, important yet deeper than that. Stable, secure, resilient, responsible, loyal, faithful, or whatever fits.
Being not happy with it, shows much self awareness. Figure out those tenets which makes you happy, which you aspire to, and strengthen or craft them where needed. Once organized and realized, one attracts that which they desire.
You do bring much into a relationship. Financial security being just one item from a list of good traits.
Open and equitable has quite an element of non-control to it. I’m sure you can see the control and fear S was wielding. Not the relationship you want to crave.
Strangely, letting go our need to control, attracts and yields the very thing we seek.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I've never gone the casual route before, but I'm starting to consider it, because I don't see myself going for a long stretch without sex BUT I also don't see myself ready for an awesome relationship just now.
Hmmm. Consider going a long time without sex. A 180 yields growth.
If an awesome relationship is something you aspire to find, I think causal ain’t going to get you there.
And that holds much more true for what is inside us. Be in an awesome relationship with yourself first, then branch out.
Apologies for the wee hijack Andrew.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
DnJ, I've done that twice--I just ended an 8mo spell, and it was 12-18mo when I was married. A casual relationship focused on the present (like yoga or meditation) and not the future would be a 180.
it wouldn’t be wrong to be in a relationship with a woman who earned a lot less, so long as she actually brought other things of equal value to the relationship.
Absolutely. I know exactly how much work goes into cleaning, organizing, cooking, laundry, etc. It sounds like Andrew may have had that fair exchange in his marriage. There was a mom I knew with a Master's degree who ran a spreadsheet she showed her husband during monthly family meetings showing how many hundreds she saved each month staying home. It was impressive.
It makes me really sad as well as irritated that she felt she had to prove to her husband how much she was saving. That is such absolute BS. Really sore spot with me. Sorry. Carry on.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
It makes me really sad as well as irritated that she felt she had to prove to her husband how much she was saving. That is such absolute BS. Really sore spot with me. Sorry. Carry on.
I hadn't thought about it that way?! She was watching a D4 (minus 1.5 hours of daycare each day), shopping, cleaning, doing laundry, gardening, doing groceries, paying bills, and coming up with investment and cost optimization strategies--yeah, her value should've been obvious. A year later, she separated, "nested" and had a new lover each month. Hmm.. cause and effect?
