Girl - you're gonna be ok. Let your lawyer do their job and focus on your kids and your new life. You've often noted that it's easier without him. Embrace that. And all that gaslighting from your ex about your parenting (and your dad to your mom about the same?) - well, the proof is in the pudding, isn't it? Who do the kids turn to?
My pre-trial got rescheduled until November 4th and there will be no more continuances. I haven't seen him in 2.5 years and am terrified to be in the same room with him.
He made D15 cry the other day (not the first time and it was bad) and she said she was going to have to work hard to get her drivers license because she can't depend on him. That same day S21 was irritated with him too because he threw away some of his things.
He got a puppy to try to lure the kids away and that worked for 3 days. He's now abusing the dog which is really sad.
Plot twist - my mom was the bad one. As the kids started telling me all the things he said about me for years I realized that my mom did that to me. She turned me against my father and I totally bought it.
I think I was wrong. If he doesn't divorce me by Dec 31st he will owe another $15k in taxes because I've been filing separately for 2 years now.
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I'm confused...why are you dropping her off at 2am? Do you leave her there without an adult?
She lives with him and he leaves her alone ALL THE TIME. He's working 2-3 jobs, still hiding the OW so he spends his nights with her. He comes home in the morning and takes her to school. It's been this way for 2 years and well it's complicated.
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Sometimes I think it's so crazy my ExW and I are divorced so early with such young children and a long path to parent, but then I read stories of people married 2-3x as long with older kids and think it must be so difficult to have gone through an even longer relationship/marriage to have it end and maybe it was just as well the crazy came out earlier so I can move on sooner/younger
It's tough on all of us. My kids are messed up big time and he has no idea because I don't talk to him. D18 disowned him, D15 and S21 lie to him. He's convinced he's the greatest parent ever so even if I told him he wouldn't believe me.
I saw WAH yesterday (first time since July). Just a glimpse as it was dark and I was dropping D14 off. S19 was trying to leave and WAH was standing outside his car talking.
It is an unusual dynamic you have with your ex--you have less contact with him than most of us do with our ex's, but he obviously still has great emotional weight and is a topic in your home. What most terrifies you? Is there anything you could do to take back that power?
Originally Posted by kas99
He got a puppy to try to lure the kids away and that worked for 3 days. He's now abusing the dog which is really sad.
If he's abusing a puppy, could you report it anonymously? For me, taking action when I see wrongdoing allows me to sleep easier. It also might feel empowering--see point above.
Glad your court appearance is finally set. Fingers crossed!
It is VERY powerful!! These are all great byproducts of DBing. When we walk through all the muck and mire and do the hard work, we end up becoming better versions of ourselves. People who are great on their own, learning to be content and find joy in the small wonders of life, not looking to others for our happiness and standing up to bullies!! (yay, you!) Finding the joy of letting go has been my greatest accomplishment thanks to my people here.
You are more than okay from my view. : )
This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I still get down but if I stop and think about how far I've come it helps. The kids are struggling as I am sometimes but they say other than the money they don't miss him. We aren't walking on eggshells, the kids aren't hiding in their rooms anymore, we tell jokes and laugh all the time. The financial devastation is real and covid hasn't helped that but we're okay.
It is an unusual dynamic you have with your ex--you have less contact with him than most of us do with our ex's, but he obviously still has great emotional weight and is a topic in your home. What most terrifies you? Is there anything you could do to take back that power?
We don't talk about him much these days but yes I am still terrified of him. My only explanation is it's PTSD from my childhood and once I saw his mask slip I got scared. I later found out that he'd been trying to turn the kids against me for 10 years. He told D15 repeatedly "I'm sorry your mom doesn't like you but I do".
I want to move but for now I'm stuck living a mile away from him. This seems silly doesn't it??
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If he's abusing a puppy, could you report it anonymously? For me, taking action when I see wrongdoing allows me to sleep easier. It also might feel empowering--see point above.
He's a cop and for all I know the OW is in charge of animal control. I still don't know who she is and reporting him isn't safe for me.
And I’m sorry you have to live so close. I eventually moved a 30 minute drive away and it did wonders for my mental health, knowing I’d never accidentally encounter him.
I'm confused...why are you dropping her off at 2am? Do you leave her there without an adult?
She lives with him and he leaves her alone ALL THE TIME. He's working 2-3 jobs, still hiding the OW so he spends his nights with her. He comes home in the morning and takes her to school. It's been this way for 2 years and well it's complicated.
Isn't that fairly serious case of child neglect? How can he leave your daughter alone by herself at night regularly? Maybe I'm missing something, but isn't that an issue to document and bring to court in terms of custody?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
I don’t know anything about pre-trial hearings, but you might ask your attorney whether it’s necessary for you to attend?
This isn't all of it. Turns out he's been bad mouthing me to kids for a very long time and they all believed him too. It wasn't until after he was gone for a while that they figured it out and told me. This explains why I was so sick. I was living with 4 people who thought I was awful.
I've had 10 court dates and this is the only one she's said I have go to so I'm stuck.
