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#2923750 09/22/21 02:00 PM
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AndrewP Offline OP
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Still a work in progress it seems.

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Rebuilding and renewal - 6
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2923745&page=1


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AndrewP Offline OP
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Some news.

I was at the house-warming party for a colleague yesterday afternoon. He's a nice young Sikh man that works as one of our engineers. I had intended on taking a gift but time got away from me and I showed up empty handed - it didn't seem to be a issue. It was fairly sparsely attended and mask free - I had to think hard about that. We all stood fairly spread out and I made sure to be by an open window.

His wife seems quite nice although there certainly is more of a patriarchal environment there. Not my sort of thing but they seem happy. She seemed less than thrilled that her in-laws are soon coming from Punjab for an extended stay. She's not a quiet little mouse of a girl - quite - but the "man" is certainly in charge there and it's both his and her expectation. Not a sort of relationship that I would be comfortable in for sure.

I was surprised when it was commented that everyone was waiting for me to show up. It was mainly the management team plus myself and a couple of the guys from the plant so only a few people. It was pretty obvious to me especially when the camera came out that it was very important to this young man that the senior staff showed up to his home. A cultural thing perhaps.

I had to bow out earlier than the host would have like after 2 hours. I think they found my excuse that I had laundry to do odd - but the fact was that my bed had no sheets on it, there were 2 loads in progress and a third to do plus the kitchen had been left a mess. It was about 10:30 before I got that all squared away and was able to go to bed.

I also met my boss's wife who certainly is "different" - nice enough lady. Not quite what I imagined but then again, I didn't know what to imagine. The news was a couple of very pointed comments she made about her husband being able to retire as soon as I was able to take over from him. This has more or less been open knowledge for a lot of people including myself but never stated quite so directly and from an undoubtedly well informed source. I expect that the guys in the plant believe it too - guy is parachuted in from Corporate with no clear job responsibility and is suddenly involved in everything. Personally I doubt they would give me the title of President but regardless it's at least a couple of years away. Not 100% or even 75% sure I would want the job but it would certainly be interesting and I do have the basic set of skills and relationships with the other executives - actually beyond what the current President has in some ways.

One thing I'm having a bit of smug humour about is some of the challenges we are going through. My boss is currently doing all of the overall production planning and we've run into a situation where we have over and under-produced and he's had to scramble to actually buy product for us to re-sell or adjust the plant to produce product that we don't currently need. One of the things about a plant like this is that it's not just something you can turn on or off - it needs to be running at a particular minimum rate. If it were me that caused the tanks to go empty or to fill you can bet I'd hear about it strongly and clearly.

One thing I don't like about working for this person is he has a negative outlook. He doesn't trust his people to do their jobs properly and spends a lot of time double and cross-checking. I've heard him make negative comments about some staff members capabilities which I'm sure includes me. On the other hand, he has a huge amount of experience and knowledge and is very capable himself and never for a moment do I doubt that he cares about the people at the plant as individuals. He is at the core an engineer who has been drawn up into a senior management role in an environment where he doesn't have to be politically astute so perhaps that explains some of it.

As far as the job goes, I still need to figure out how to do the role I'm doing, whatever that actually is and survive. Going to have to put in a couple of hours today going through paperwork and planning out loads for the upcoming week. And I'm going to keep buying those couple of lottery tickets every now and then.

---

So - it's "cuffing season". I came to a decision over the past few days. I do think that I will probably date again. No hurry for it and no particular candidates that are influencing that decision, not even "C". I still can't see what life with some sort of part or full time partner would look like either. But I think I've gone down on the side of not just cruising along on my own indefinitely (hums the Baby shark tune do-do-de-do). Is it just the season that influences this? Dunno.


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DnJ Offline
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Good Morning Andrew

Originally Posted by AndrewP
…the fact was that my bed had no sheets on it, there were 2 loads in progress and a third to do plus the kitchen had been left a mess. It was about 10:30 before I got that all squared away and was able to go to bed.

Lol.

The other day I headed up to bed, late. Stayed up watching some movie. Walked into my bedroom and looked at my bare bed. Slapped forehead and at that moment remembered I washed the bedding. That’s washed the bedding, not dried. It was still in the machine. Lol. Another hour to dry it and an even later night than originally intended.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
The news was a couple of very pointed comments she made about her husband being able to retire as soon as I was able to take over from him. This has more or less been open knowledge for a lot of people including myself but never stated quite so directly and from an undoubtedly well informed source. I expect that the guys in the plant believe it too - guy is parachuted in from Corporate with no clear job responsibility and is suddenly involved in everything. Personally I doubt they would give me the title of President but regardless it's at least a couple of years away.

You might be surprised at the speed at which that could happen.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
…he has a negative outlook. He doesn't trust his people to do their jobs properly and spends a lot of time double and cross-checking. I've heard him make negative comments about some staff members capabilities which I'm sure includes me.

Negative comments can be warranted and even helpful when based upon facts and not made behind someone’s back. Gossip and backbiting always erodes one’s credibility and respect. Once those go, leadership is impossible. Management actions take over one’s behaviour from that point forward. One needs to display and have trust in their staff to lead effectively.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
…he has a huge amount of experience and knowledge and is very capable himself and never for a moment do I doubt that he cares about the people at the plant as individuals. He is at the core an engineer who has been drawn up into a senior management role in an environment where he doesn't have to be politically astute so perhaps that explains some of it.

Undoubtedly he cares. And yes, his engineering background may account for some of his personal interactions.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
As far as the job goes, I still need to figure out how to do the role I'm doing, whatever that actually is and survive.

I’m sure you are doing quite well.

Something I’m fairly sure you realize is that bosses are just folks like you and me.

I’ve worked and interfaced with management for 30+ years. If it wasn’t for my stubborn - no wait what is it called… determined. Yes that’s better. If it wasn’t for my determined attitude…. Nope that’s not quite right either.

If it wasn’t for my stubbornly determined attitude of remaining unqualified I’d have long ago been wearing a suit to work. I’d be in the management ranks.

These people are just as unsure as we are. In actuality, even more so. Their decisions can have hugely serious repercussions and are oftentimes quietly lamented over while we workers wonder what’s taking so long. Remember the company’s president was once a person without that title. Like you are. Then one day…

I’ve been a sounding board for many folks over my life. I’m not officially privy to much sensitive information. I do however command something that people open up to. I’ve been fortunate to see and hear the minds of quite a few people. Often, things are less decided and carved in stone the higher up you go. Although the appearance is opposite. A necessary facade. It’s not that it’s wrong, it’s that certain things are nebulous in nature and cannot be strictly pinned down. There is a fluidity one manages and responses too, while simultaneously promoting and leading. Well, the good bosses do.

For what’s it worth, you do display that trait. You’ve earned and are earning the trust and respect of the plant’s staff. You have the respect and faith of the corporate team. Step into the role you are there for, and lead. Not manage. Lead.

I’ve faith in you Andrew. It’s an interesting balance being decisive and leading while the behind the scene happenings are not all that secure. Thing is, it never gets secure. It’s the guy leading that gives things the needed security, and that isn’t supposed to be openly displayed. It can be harmful if it is. Quite a balance, IMHO.

Anyhow, that’s how I’ve experienced my role and leadership.

Hope Sunday is relaxing for you. Oh, and ensure your bed is made. I already made mine. smile

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Originally Posted by AndrewP
It was fairly sparsely attended and mask free - I had to think hard about that. We all stood fairly spread out and I made sure to be by an open window.
COVID etiquette and safety can be complicated. Someone who wants me to respect their choice to go maskless and vax-less should respect our choices if we wear a mask and get vax'd? wink

Originally Posted by AndrewP
Not a sort of relationship that I would be comfortable in for sure.
I've also seen the less common matriarchal families. To each their own!

Originally Posted by Andrew
I think they found my excuse that I had laundry to do odd - but the fact was that my bed had no sheets on it, there were 2 loads in progress and a third to do plus the kitchen had been left a mess. It was about 10:30 before I got that all squared away and was able to go to bed.
That's commitment--no wonder your house seems more tamed than mine!

Originally Posted by Andrew
This has more or less been open knowledge for a lot of people including myself but never stated quite so directly and from an undoubtedly well informed source.
Yay!

Originally Posted by Andrew
One thing I don't like about working for this person is he has a negative outlook. He doesn't trust his people to do their jobs properly and spends a lot of time double and cross-checking.
I wonder if he's ever had formal training in management? My management texts taught me to do that with junior employees, never senior ones--e.g., if you have relevant degrees/certifications and have been doing the job for over a year the double-checking gets much lighter. New managers often micro-manage, but it sounds like he's been doing this for more than 2-3 years. On the plus side if you do take his job that should make outperforming him as a manager (maybe not engineer) a snap.

Originally Posted by Andrew
So - it's "cuffing season". I came to a decision over the past few days. I do think that I will probably date again.
Wow--I thought my dating exploits had turned everyone off dating. wink

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Originally Posted by DnJ
Originally Posted by AndrewP
…the fact was that my bed had no sheets on it, there were 2 loads in progress and a third to do plus the kitchen had been left a mess. It was about 10:30 before I got that all squared away and was able to go to bed.

Lol.

The other day I headed up to bed, late. Stayed up watching some movie. Walked into my bedroom and looked at my bare bed. Slapped forehead and at that moment remembered I washed the bedding. That’s washed the bedding, not dried. It was still in the machine. Lol. Another hour to dry it and an even later night than originally intended.
I'm usually very organized and on top of things, but I've forgotten once or twice since separation and used one of my kids' comforters as a temporary measure! LOL


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Gosh guys - you know it’s possible to own TWO sets of sheets, right?

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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Originally Posted by Andrew
So - it's "cuffing season". I came to a decision over the past few days. I do think that I will probably date again.
Wow--I thought my dating exploits had turned everyone off dating. wink
nope. just me, lolz!


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Originally Posted by kml
Gosh guys - you know it’s possible to own TWO sets of sheets, right?

Reading my mind, kml....I'm wondering why no one seems to have more than one set of sheets. Heck, I have 4 for our bed (3 regular and 1 flannel). I actually am about to buy another flannel set because our house is old and drafty and cold in winter. Really, it is ok to go out and purchase another set. LOL


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Originally Posted by Dawn70
Originally Posted by kml
Gosh guys - you know it’s possible to own TWO sets of sheets, right?

Reading my mind, kml....I'm wondering why no one seems to have more than one set of sheets. Heck, I have 4 for our bed (3 regular and 1 flannel). I actually am about to buy another flannel set because our house is old and drafty and cold in winter. Really, it is ok to go out and purchase another set. LOL
I'd have to check but I know I have at least 3 and possibly 4 for my bed. One set is fairly cheap and doesn't get used but is set aside for the spare room in the odd chance that I get a guest. I have a decent inflatable mattress for guests since only the one bedroom is currently furnished.

After I strip the bed I like to leave it without sheets for a bit to air out which is why it was an issue last weekend.

Just like for sheets I have 3 sets of bath towels, I think 4 sets of kitchen towels. Too much hassle to not have a spare for when you might need it. At a minimum, I need to be able to have one set of something clean while one set is dirty.

On the other hand, I'm still a bit of a minimalist and follow the "one thing out" for every "one thing in" rule for most things. An acquaintance was shocked when I said that I only owned 3 sweatshirts.

---

In other news, a memo about some random procedures just was issued where I was referred to as "management" - who knew? I certainly didn't. On the other hand here the admin staff is still referred to as "girls" so because I have luxurious chest hair, maybe that is why I am classed differently?


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More than one set of sheets?

What?

Silk is expensive. Lol


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