When I last went through my emails with XH during our property settlement negotiations it occurred to me that he was behaving like the wronged party. If I didn't know better I'd have sworn he was coming from a place of pain and rage at perceived injustices inflicted by a WAS.
It's pretty amazing when the gaslighting burns so bright they end up believing their own lies.
Well, CMM is having a bit of a rough time of it. Ever since this last round of radiation treatment he has had to be back on oxygen, and his ability to do without it for even a short while (like trips to the bathroom) is decreasing rapidly. He did start back on the oral cancer drug at a lower dose yesterday so maybe that will help, but if it doesn't, there really isn't any other treatment option for his type of cancer. So this may be the beginning of the downward spiral. Despite being 3 years into stage 4 lung cancer, this is really the first time that breathing has been any kind of struggle. I don't know if the last round of radiation just affected too much of his remaining lung tissue, or maybe his pleural effusion has grown for some reason (it's been stable all this time) or maybe the tumors themselves have just had a growth spurt despite the new treatments.
I've tried to convince him that we could move into the downstairs bedroom as climbing the stairs is getting a bit difficult for him, but he refuses. (To be fair, the downstairs bedroom is small, and he has all his things around him in the upstairs bedroom). If he continues to go downhill I may have to restrict my time seeing patients to mornings only. My oldest son who lives with me works graveyards so he could tend to him in the mornings and I could take over in the afternoons before my son goes to sleep.
Hoping the new drug (Mektovi) can be tolerated at a lower dose and buys him some more time and relief from these symptoms.
((CMM)) - it's going to be hard on him if he's losing mobility because of poor oxygen levels. The "I think I can" only works for little blue engines with enough coal in the box.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
kml, I'm sorry to hear this turn. Also sending you and cmm hugs and prayers that the new drug at a low dosage clears up his breathing and improves his mobility. Helping every day sounds like quite a load for you and your son. I hope you can find outside help at least 1x/week.
KML, you are such a kind person. I'm very sorry to hear this. I watched my dad die from esophageal cancer and it was so very difficult. I'm sure your skills as a clinician make it both better and worse, you know what is happening, but you know what is coming. He is very lucky to have you. I hope that you are able to maintain the parts of your life that make you whole while tending to him at this time.
Thanks everybody. CMM doesn’t need that kind of care yet - he’s still able to do for himself. (Although his two hour kitchen cleaning and cooking marathons every night are behind him, I think. I’ll be doing more batch cooking on the weekends.)
I can see it coming though if this Mektovi doesn’t start to slow the tumors. I’ve been prepared for this eventuality for a long time though.
