LH19, agreed! If you choose activities you'd enjoy solo for dates, it's hard for anyone to mess that up. This gets back to why I don't like coffee dates. It feels like a waste of my time if we don't connect. (:
No worries about the hijack Andrew. Always happy when my posts generate good discussions.
I like meeting people so first “dates” almost always go well. The part I don’t like is at the very end when you have to part ways and it’s a bit awkward if you don’t have any idea how you feel about the other person or vice versa. Second dates are even harder if you don’t know how you feel so the potential for even more awkwardness at the end. Already anticipating that with JB…lol. Hoping for more clarity at the end of it but knowing me, I will just be more confused…lol. Guess we’ll see….
are there joys to dating after divorce? I'll have to take your word for it although JB seems like someone worth spending more time with. glad there's resolution on the brook front. I wasn't feeling him. if you know what I mean.
My take is that the people who are actually open to dating enjoy it because at worst case you get to meet and have a conversation with someone new. The people who have the relationship or bust mindset do not enjoy it at all because 90% of the time you are not going to be a match. The ones who over look that statistic and try to force it typically end up suffering.
That's just one man's take.
^^^^ This, makes all the sense!!! xoxoxo when I get in the mode of being interested in meeting folks, I will jump in with both feet. Til then, I will read along here.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
No worries about the hijack Andrew. Always happy when my posts generate good discussions.
I like meeting people so first “dates” almost always go well. The part I don’t like is at the very end when you have to part ways and it’s a bit awkward if you don’t have any idea how you feel about the other person or vice versa. Second dates are even harder if you don’t know how you feel so the potential for even more awkwardness at the end. Already anticipating that with JB…lol. Hoping for more clarity at the end of it but knowing me, I will just be more confused…lol. Guess we’ll see….
I'm thinking K is right DV ... I think maybe it's a little scary for you. It's ok ... just take it slow and keep an open mind. You're worth someone who is totally into you. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Hi All. Time for an update. Not a heck of a lot going on. I have this week and most of next off. The kids are with me and we’ve spent some good quality time together. They go back to dad’s tomorrow and on Saturday is his wedding. Apparently the wedding party is comprised of our two kids and her two kids. Mine haven’t said one word about it to me even though I told them they don’t have to worry about me being upset about it. To be honest, it just seems like it is a non-event to them. Kind of like me…no feelings about it whatsoever…good or bad. I guess that’s a good thing? I don’t really know.
My dating life has been a bit stalled. I think that’s probably my fault as I haven’t really responded to anyone. It just feels like too much work, tbh. JB and I are in regular contact but haven’t got together since our first date. We were supposed to play pool last Saturday for a couple hours but he got stung by a bee on the bottom of his foot and it swelled up so he couldn’t stand on it…lol. I told him it might be a sign from the universe but he insists we need to get together soon. Maybe this weekend before I leave for Calgary (going to my great aunt’s memorial) if I have time.
I talk to another guy on Messenger on a regular basis that I may get together with sometime soon. He’s an old classmate of mine that I’ve been talking to off and on for the past year and a half. He grew up near by best guy friend and my friend says he is a great guy. He certainly seems to be. I know he is single but I don’t know if he is dating or wanting to date anyone. He seems pretty busy. He has a house he is renovating in my home town so often travels through my town to get there. I suggested he stop in for a drink one time so we can catch up in person and he said it was a great idea and he definitely would. So…we’ll see. For future reference, I will call him Vic after the city he lives in…lol.
Still chat with Brooke periodically but I have officially given up on him. Strangely, I took my kids to a tourist attraction about an hour and a half away on Monday and ran into him and his eldest daughter. That was unexpected, for sure. I was supposed to go there earlier that day but got a stone chip in my windshield on the way there that needed to be dealt with right away. Anyway…we chatted for a few minutes and then went our separate ways.
House build is going slowly. So many questions the city wants answered that are difficult to answer with the pandemic having wreaked havoc on the prices of things. At this rate, it is highly unlikely we will be able to break ground this year. Probably next Spring is a lot more realistic. Hoping to at least have a dock by next summer so we can spend some time on the lake. Fingers crossed…
I flew to Calgary on Sunday morning with my sister and BIL. My BIL has to deal with some business related to his abusive dad that he hasn’t talked to in about ten years. His dad has been committed to a care home here and BIL, his only child, has been appointed his guardian. This is a bitter pill to swallow as his dad has been an awful parent for his entire life and he found out, cut him out of his will and left everything to his neighbours kids who are teenagers. MY BIL is such a good guy. Many people would have just thrown up their hands and let the government deal with him but he is looking after his dad the way his dad should have looked after him. He is even planning on visiting his dad before we leave which could go really badly as his dad’s perspective is that he is the wronged party and his dad is the kind of person who holds onto resentments like a drowning man would hold on to a life preserver.
Got a text from XH wondering when I am coming home as he had a “medical emergency” that requires him to take OW (now his wife as of Saturday) to the mainland. She has apparently been quite ill lately. Spent the week before their wedding in bed and vomiting so much she had to spend last Thursday night in the hospital getting rehydrated. They got married on Saturday and she was back in the hospital on Sunday morning according to XMIL. Luckily XMIL can look after the kids until I am back. XH continues to live life the way I did when he was faking his medical treatments. Basically alone and taking care of everything on his own. It is interesting to me that he has chosen this for himself as her condition is not something that is just going to go away. I can see if you have been with someone for years and then they get ill but taking this on from day one? Maybe being her hero is his way of proving to himself he is a better person than what his past behaviour would indicate. I know when everything came out, he was a complete mess and his self esteem was at an all-time low. Riding in on a white horse and rescuing OW from her situation, I think, helped pull himself out of that and gave him the opportunity to completely reinvent himself. The psychology of it is fascinating to me. Regardless, I do wish them well and hope she recovers enough that they can take that trip next summer he is planning.
I have a second date with JB this Saturday. Still not sure how I feel about him. Hoping for some clarity by the end of it. He talks like we are going to have an infinite number of dates. I am concerned about how much he seems to like me. It seems like he has fallen for the idea of me more than he has for me, the person. Says he can’t believe XH let me go…he thinks I’m amazing…etc… At this point, it feels like a lot of pressure to live up to that image. I am taking your advice though Bttrfly… taking it one day at a time and keeping an open mind.
I’ve been texting a lot with Vic. We are in touch pretty much daily. We are very similar people in a lot of ways. Our dynamic is very similar to the one I had with Brook only he is way more grounded and sure about who he is. I have no idea if we would be attracted to each other in person because I haven’t seen him since we were teenagers but it would be cool to find out. Hopefully we can make that happen sooner rather than later.
Anyway…that’s my update. Hope all is well with everyone in DB Land. (((HUGS)))
I’ve been texting a lot with Vic. We are in touch pretty much daily. We are very similar people in a lot of ways. Our dynamic is very similar to the one I had with Brook only he is way more grounded and sure about who he is. I have no idea if we would be attracted to each other in person because I haven’t seen him since we were teenagers but it would be cool to find out. Hopefully we can make that happen sooner rather than later.
D do you find it odd you are trying to connect with guys from your past? Like you may be trying to relive your youth?
Hi LH. I don’t know that I’m trying to connect with people from my past necessarily. That may have been the case with Brook but Vic is someone I was in similar circles with in high school but we didn’t ever go out or really spend that much time together. I’m not even sure how we started talking. I think we became Facebook friends and we both love the same hockey team so kind of connected that way. Mostly we talked hockey at first but then just got onto other topics.
I feel you on the concern that the other guy is a little too into you too soon - it can make you feel like "hey, they don't even know me yet, so this is about their fantasy of who I am". But to be fair, you ARE a catch, it's not unusual that a guy would recognize that. Make sure you aren't just repeating a pattern of gravitating to unavailable, avoidant guys.
As for your ex - I had somehow forgotten about his fake claims of cancer treatment. How you manage to keep a civil relationship with him after that is beyond me.
It’s been awhile. I tried to sign in a couple of times but like some others on here, it just wasn’t working for me. All I could really do is read how others were doing and comments from people who clearly weren’t having the same computer issues.
So…not too much is happening. Been having a rough go of it lately. I lost a friend/colleague suddenly on August 2nd and it threw me for a bit of a loop. I’ve known her for 20 years and worked closely with her for six of those years. She was only 62 but close to retiring and looking forward to it. She worked the week before her death and seemed fine. She was just starting a three-week stretch of time off and I guess just passed away. I haven’t really heard any details but I suspect a heart attack. A mutual friend of ours told me she had been having some concerns about her heart but that her doctor had said it wasn’t anything to worry about.
I was supposed to go out with JB last Saturday but he texted me that his hot water tank had blown up that morning and he wasn’t sure he would be able to make it. I was actually relieved as I had a headache and was still feeling sad about my friend so really did not feel like going out. We did exchange a few texts earlier on in the week but I haven’t heard from him for a few days and I haven’t reached out to him. I really haven’t felt like dating and I have no idea how I feel about him so don’t want to seem any more enthusiastic than I actually feel which, currently, is not a heck of a lot. The last thing I want to do is lead anyone on.
Still chatting online with Vic almost every day. He’s become a good friend that I look forward to talking to. We are similar people when it comes to values, morals, upbringings, etc… His parents are still alive and he is renovating a house near them so he can spend more time with them. He also has a bit of a fun side… belongs to a sky diving club (hasn’t gone for a few years) and rides a motorbike. He’s been working non stop for the last month (people who are their own boss are sometimes like that…my BIL, being one of them) but is planning to take some time in September and head out to his float cabin. He has to go through my city to do that so we’ll see if we get together for that beer. Not in a rush. Enjoying the friendship and I trust that if it is meant to be more than that, it will be. Not going to try to control the outcome which is a shift for me and something I’ve been working on.
Connected with someone else from my past the other day which was unexpected. A guy I had dated when I was 18 and on a “break” with my highschool boyfriend (think Ross & Rachel…lol). He’s done really well for himself. Works as a marine pilot so gets to drive huge tankers and yachts. Gets lots of time off and judging from the boat he owns, makes quite a bit of money. Never married and no kids but dating someone and seems pretty happy. He suggested next time he has his boat over here that we get together for a drink (“for old times”) and catch up on 35 years…lol. It will be pretty fun, I think, as I’m sure we both have some interesting stories.
Not much more to report other than that I decided to get a new car that I’m pretty excited about. I’ve been driving a Kia Soul EV for years and decided to upgrade to a bigger, more updated crossover EV. So put a deposit down for a Volkswagen ID.4. I’ve been watching a ton of reviews and am starting to feel like that kid who sneaks into her parents’ bedroom to look at her presents a couple months before Christmas. In my case, I’ll probably be waiting until after Christmas before I get it. Ah well…something to look forward to. Also planning on taking a trip to Disneyland with my kids in the winter sometime…assuming travel restrictions have been lifted somewhat. I know we can travel now without self isolating because of being double vaccinated but really do not want to have to pay for three CV19 tests on the way there and back which is what would need to happen if we went now. So…we’ll see….fingers crossed. First choice is end of November and second choice is beginning of January. My sister and BIL want to go too so it has to fit in with their schedule as well.
Anyway…that’s all that’s happening in DV’s world. Still coparenting very well with XH and on the odd occasion, we even relate like friends sometimes. So grateful to have made it to the other side…full, genuine detachment!!! (((HUGS))) to all!!! xo
