I am actually wearing the dress I wore on our very first date, hes always told me how much he loved it, I'm even getting my makeup done professionally beforehand. smile
I love it, if it makes you feel confident in your skin, and doesn't create expectations.
Good luck! How he feels tonight is only how he feels tonight.
I am actually wearing the dress I wore on our very first date, hes always told me how much he loved it, I'm even getting my makeup done professionally beforehand.
Oh hunny, I'm very, very worried you're setting yourself up for an emotional landmine here. I'm just not sure what's going to blow you to smithereens yet.
Be very careful here. Tread lightly. Don't lay it on too thick for him. He will want to run if he feels you chasing him. If you plan to keep the professional make-up I strongly suggest you take May's advice and pick something else to wear. Something that is your favorite not his.
I'm worried you're setting both of you up for failure here. Please, please try to take your expectations down like 87 pegs because I know you aren't in a place to immediately remove expectations from these situations yet. If you must go in with expectations please drop them to the floor.
Thank you guys for the advice. I will wear a different dress. Thank you for helping me see the issue in it. I will reply more when I have more time. But thank you guys.
Things went surprisingly calm. Husband did say he wanted a D still but after talking alot he told me to work on a plan for a trial separation and if he likes it he will do it.... Yeah I wasnt a fan of the way he said it either. Anyways I will reply with more details on the evening and everything tomorrow but I wanted to say something to everyone since youve all helped me so much with advice. So Thank you until tomorrow
“I do not want a trial separation, but I won’t stand in your way.”
He’s shifting the work of breaking up to you. The manipulative sales tactic of “accept separation OR accept divorce” is common. Let him take responsibility and do the work if he wants to breakup. (:
Thanks for the update. I’m glad tonight didn’t feel as devastating as you worried it could have been.
I am trying to read up more on other posts, so I understand alot of this stuff more and can handle things the best I can. As I said last night my H and I talked for over 2 hours. He wanted to talk, and I did my best to validate and deflect. Although some things I did have to answer and discuss. My H told me about alot of the problems in our marriage that he has issues with, and yes some things specifically with me, which hurt of course, but I stayed calm and understanding through it. Honestly most of what he said were things I have a problem with as well and have been trying to work on myself and come back to me. H told me that about a week and a half ago (we were currently separated and him talking to other people) that he was making the decision to stop talking to people and he was going to write things down and talk to me in a couple days about what we can do to work on our marriage, he had wanted to fix it. That night though I had found out about him physically cheating on me for the first time in our marriage, obviously it was a few weeks back, and I didnt bring it up calmly, I pretty much woke him in the middle of the night screaming (I know i didn't handle that well) and after that night he had decided to be officially done.
He told me that he was unhappy and that he just wanted to start over completely with his life... He asked me alot of questions and I deflected when I could and I tried not to talk about me changing and realizing things as much as possible as I know that he wouldnt believe it. But he did say if I came up with a Separation plan he was happy with, he would hold off on the divorce and try it. I am completely aware that divorce is still very much a possibility and of course I am hurting with all of this. But I am trying to keep faith and stay strong.
I am going to focus on myself and my son and getting back to who I am and the things I love. I am trying to research Separations, especially within this site, and try to figure out the best way to do one for us and what the outlines for it need to be. My H told me he really didn't want me to move out, I told him I didn't want to either but I want to do whatever is going to be best for us moving forward to really work things out, and we left it at that. As I mentioned i'm researching but if anyone has any advice on how to handle this separation I welcome any advice. Thank you all
I am sorry you’re here. I definitely do not post a bunch, but I’ve been in IHS for over two years now.
I was truly shocked that my H could want a D, and I believed him when he said there was no one else. Silly me. During the course of this IHS , he has been engaged twice to OWs! Twice.
The second BD he said he didn’t want to be enemies. Huh. Ripping my future apart isn’t something a friend does. Now I do not want a D at all. But with help here and in IC, I have boundaries. I know what I will tolerate. I finally just told family. After two years. I didn’t want to because I am hopeful that we will get our MR back on track, and I wanted to spare them their feeling that they might develop against H as well as any sadness they might feel for me.
I know one thing that helps, is the OWs are in another country. If they were here, I think it wouldn’t be done already. If you read my threads, you’ll see I was so mad to tell family because this is H’s desire, not mine and he wants me to do all the work.
So my H wants a divorce, good for him. I am living my life. He can figure out how to get an atty and set the wheels in motion. Go live your life. Protect yourself. Let your H work things out on his own. Let him follow the steps to his freedom.
