Well I read through my decree that my atty prepared.... so not prepared for this... totally do not believe that D is the answer but there is nothing more I can do.
I will forward the papers to STBXH this evening.
Definitely the last tough part. There is nothing more you can do but to try to heal and move on. Your relationship was extremely toxic so it will take some time and space to heal the wounds.
STBXH wanted to discuss getting the puppy neutered. He has an appt on Tuesday for wellness exam and I offered he could leave the dog and I could do surgery on Thurs and he could pick up on Friday... He seemed flustered and I just said it could be done another time but to let me know.
That turned into asking me to pet sit the second week in June. He was like you remember I was going out of town??? Uhm.. your schedule is not my concern. I stated I could watch the dog and at the same time do his wellness and his surgery so by the time he is picked up he is all recovered.
YIKES, why do I do him favors??? I'm more focused on the dog... yet STBXH benefits greatly. I am now yet doing him another favor so he can go on vaca with OW. ((facepalm))
That turned into that he has paid off the timeshare and I need to move the HOA fees to my account... that was what was agreed upon so said no problems. Business matter handled.
Told him that the decree paperwork covers all we have already agreed upon. I told him I would not sign it as it goes against my values ((STBXH believes that only he is required to sign and if I don't sign it will go through in one year by default)). He asked what value? I stated I don't believe in D, but I agree to the financial settlement... his only response was he has not seen paperwork yet. I confirmed I would email today.
I was emotional neutral the entire time. I didn't whine or beg but simply stated my beliefs.
Sadly, I know the judge will not accept the decree without my signature... I will have to totally get drunk one night to sign it.
Ok... all I have to go on are his complaints of that... feeling like it was an impossible task and he wasn't interested in that.
Also that he brought up stepping up my D a couple of times...
In fact the day I left for my trip I got a weird text from him... I think it was meant for someone else.
P: Cloudy tonight. You taking your hubby with you. Me: ? Me: I'm not taking my hubby anywhere except maybe divorce court. I'm thinking you texting the wrong person. P: Maybe divorce court. I think the jury is still out on that case. Me: No, its happening. Just logistics at this point. Atty has had all the documents since Oct.
On my way home he texts he finds it odd that someone you are divorcing would give you ff miles... so he is questioning how serious I am about D?
So is he waiting to see if I'm actually keeping my word? He's in law enforcement so he can access court docs for free - he would be able to confirm that D was filed.
I shouldn't be spending so much energy on this but I suppose it keeps me from focusing on filing for D tomorrow.
Well I read through my decree that my atty prepared.... so not prepared for this... totally do not believe that D is the answer but there is nothing more I can do.
I will forward the papers to STBXH this evening.
That's tough. I had been strong for months until a few weeks ago until the draft of the D agreement was sent to me in advance of trial and I had to review it. Definitely broke down a bit and cried. Hang in there.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
So STBXH brought the puppy in for his annual wellness visit. I told him it would be best to neuter him before he turns 2yr in the fall. STBXH was ready for that to be done. I tried to keep conversation to and about the dog. Mentioned that the puppy would have to stay 24hr and that would mean two more trips to my town.... which I know he somehow hates and and turned into it being a bad "sign"... whatever.
STBXH was like well I'm leaving in June for vaca - you remember that right? Uhm... ok... not really my business. He asked if I wanted the puppy and he could drop off on Friday and pick up on Thursday. I said I'd love to have the dog and I would schedule his surgery on Monday so that by Thursday he would only have to keep him down till the weekend. He kept trying to make small talk "like what's up with this town"... I obviously looked perplexed and then he went into great detail about how he was helping a friend move her daughter out of the college in my town and someone rear ended him". I just said "hmmmm... must have been in a hurry to get to Walmart" and continued to walk out the exam room to the lobby. SERIOUSLY --- Its OW and her daughter but he can still only bring himself to say "friend". I found it amusing at best.
So I got the puppy last Friday and we made the most of it!!!! We went to 2 different state parks and hiked a total of 15miles... well it was sort of hike, run, drag, almost pulled into the water for a swim! I was exhausted and yet the puppy was not.
When STBXH dropped off the dog he was again very very chatty... He was driving his brand new 2021 RAM with ALL the bells and whistles. I commented on how nice it was and checked out the interior and let him ramble. I needed to leave as I was meeting up with friends to go out for a nice night of music, drinks and food so I turned to go into the house with the dog and he keep calling me back to show me something else or chat... he made it sound like this trip was a guys fishing trip... but I already had confirmation from someone else he was taking OW. I still can't understand why he lies about her???
Monday the puppy had surgery so it was no more activity after that.
Tuesday STBXH texts me pictures of all the fish he caught and one picture of him holding two of the biggest fish. REALLY??? I'm just laughing. Does SHE know he's texting me??? So I sent back "Love it!!! Best looking fisherman ever! Nice Catch!".... for the sole reason I hope she checks his phone!
Wednesday I went out and bought a ukulele.... I'm on fire!!! I can already play Twinkle Twinkle - LMAO!!! So this summer I'm going to learn to play a few fun songs.
The only other contact with STBXH was on Thursday when he was wanting to coordinate pick up times for the puppy. He showed up and I had everything already packed up. He again wanted to be chatty. He wanted to talk about SS20 and how he is driving himself home. Got the puppy all loaded up and he is still chatty so I thought W T H.... "are you going to take me for a drive in your new truck?"
So I took and put my dog back in the house, came out and he was holding the truck door open for me... something I didn't appreciate enough in the past. We talked about the truck.... its super nice and I'm sure it was $50k+. I let him do most of the talking. He talked about how his XW showed up at his Mother's bday party. He hates how she continues to leech off his family. We chatted again about SS20 as we both are concerned about him. As we drove there was some construction and he asked what that was - I told him new tennis courts for the high school and rolled my eyes. He went on to state my quiet neighborhood is not going to be quiet for much longer. I briefly talked about how I had been looking to downsize - post covid I've got 150K in equity in my home. I told him where I was looking - X town and that I found a great home with 4000sqft, walk out basement and separate entrance for inlaw suite on 3 acres... but that isn't downsizing. Apparently I suck at downsizing and was laughing.
We got back to my house and I hopped out and told him thanks and went into the house. It was quiet not having both dogs but went to practice my ukuele.
I woke up Friday morning to a text "so why would you be looking for a house in XTown" at 6am. I was not expecting that - like does it matter? I'm not moving to his town --- this would still be 30-40min from where he currently lives. I mean if I told him I was looking at his town I would get the question.
Additionally he has had the D paperwork for 2 1/2wk now and not a word from him asking/discussing it.
Why is the "friend" bit so perplexing? He wants to tell you the meaningful parts of his week, but they involve her, and if he said "fiance" or "my love" he probably worries you'd be hurt and talk to him less. Heck, years ago when I remember 1st dates asking "Why do you look so sunburned?" then "Who did you go with?" I sometimes said "an acquaintance." They always took the hint and I didn't have to clarify I was on another date. You both know who "the friend" is. Since you're the one who feels awkward, the onus is on you to change this dynamic. As you continue forming this friendship, if you don't want to talk about her, set that boundary. If you're okay with it, strip away the charade to show him you're comfortable. If he says, "My friend and I had a good time moving this week", say "I'm glad you and Betty had a good time moving this week." You just need to find what works for you. Maybe you find "friend" easier to process than either alternative and he's read you right. If that's the case, keep on keeping on. Detaching is a process. (:
