Just to be clear, 20S is a friend who grew up with my son and at one time they were very good friends but neverromantic. "20 something" is 26, and has made a lot of poor choices in her life but is a good kid for all of that.
Not my kid, I'm just storing some of her furniture and am someoneshe trusts and is comfortable talking to. I'm thrilled that she is finally going to be picking that up.
And to be honest, I have no clue what "normal" is with relationships these days. I know of two women in their late 20s / mid 30s who moved in with a guy within months although in both those cases it ended badly.
S certainly seemed to think it odd and was very upset that I held out for 6 months. We had a number of fights about that.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Awww...that explains your lack of significant concern....lol. Yeah...as you well know, taking one’s time to get to that level of commitment is usually a better way to go. Easier to extricate yourself if it doesn’t work out. Thanks for the clarification Andrew. I was worried for a second...lol.(((HUGS)))
S certainly seemed to think it odd and was very upset that I held out for 6 months. We had a number of fights about that.
Perhaps you could share with 20s this fact, and how it turned out. That it takes time to know what you’re getting into (I’d be afraid of the meth addict ex showing up!)
Then again - say nothing, and you should be able to get her to take her stuff to new guy’s place!
train. wreck. are you popping corn and settling in to view the crash?
It's sad but history so often repeats with this girl. My son wrote her off a while ago and won't respond to her calls or messages which ticks her off. He described her once - after she stored a pile of furniture here - as "a great friend when she needs you".
And yes - she seems to hop from man to man, going all in quickly. I expect that she has quite a few FOO issues.
She has a couple of good friends that do their best to look out for her and help her pick up the pieces after each disaster, mostly through the church youth group that she is involved in.
Interestingly, she tried to maintain a relationship both with me and my ex - we used to refer to her as our "surplus daughter" but my ex cut her off about a year or so ago. She used to drop in and visit with her and presumably OM regularly too. No clue why although 20S was pretty blunt to me about how she didn't think much of what was done to me.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
An interesting perspective having compressed catching up on your last 4 or 5 months into the last couple of days of reading. I am glad you liked the Hasselback potatoes, and the pen story. And I’m very glad to see you doing well post relationship with S.
Your frog in the hot water analogy met with much comment; however it’s aptness to your current work environment seems more valid and applicable. People treat us as we allow them too. We teach others how to treat us. This is true for all relationships, included work and employment.
Putting on one’s oxygen mask first is valid and constructive advice. We must save ourselves before we can possible save another. It speaks to our self care and not giving of ourselves until we expire or exhaust. Good lessons for dealing with an unstable ex spouse or even an ailing company.
Your place of employment is not financial ailing, though it is seriously under staffed and you are stepping up hugely to fill in several gapping holes. I believe you are currently wearing around 3 or 4 hats. Loss of administrative staff, an engineer retired due to stress, and such. You worried and peeked into the upcoming day’s events at 2:00, 3:00, and 5:30; and then up at 6:30 to go to work. Admirable traits, and ones that are not sustainable nor effective over the long haul.
I learnt long ago that if I gave 24 hours a day, the company would want 25. It’s part of the drive to be efficient and profitable. Effective is different than efficient and actually is more profitable due to its self renewing and sustaining effects.
Over the years, I’ve given time to my employer, choosing to complete certain tasks after hours when the office is quiet and I can get much more done. A few hours here and there. However, by far my extra time is paid when it is needed. There is nothing wrong with a boundary or clarity with work expectations and renumeration. Scads of overtime, even with the pile of accompanying monies, does not buy back one’s health nor time.
When you can choose between time and money, always choose time. Like most things in life, it is more a balance and not a hard rule. Still a rather healthy tenet to follow, in my humble opinion.
Anyhow, you might want to sort out some expectations with your boss. This need not be an actual direct conversation. You can just go home and enjoy your weekend or vacation; coming back renewed and eager to jump back into the fray. We teach people how to treat us. I wonder what your boss would do...
When my guys take time off they let me know that I can reach them if needed, and I tell them to turn off the phone and unplug from work. You are on holiday, leave work at work, enjoy yourself and the life you’ve work so hard for. They return in better spirits and batteries recharged.
You know the vital business I work in. My guys are my most precious resource - I’m not in charge, I care for those in my charge. Proper after hours downtime is as necessary as work practices and safety guidelines. Otherwise people burn out and leave due to stress.
I’m not attempting to incite work unrest for you. I just see your pan of water getting hotter and hotter and you aren’t jumping. That, and I care about you my friend.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Happy Wednesday from a cool and damp Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan.
Rough day start to the day today. One of those days that I just wanted to turn off my alarm and stay in bed.
I just purged some long rambly text about work. I did have a talk to my boss and some co-workers and I believe they're going to cut me some slack. I have noticed that people are having some increased initiative and are being more helpful in how they are interacting with me.
One key thing that I got back from the people I talked to about how this is a struggle is that they sympathize that learning these new roles is tough enough on it's own but amazingly more so when doing it remotely.
I am really looking forward to my week off the week after next. I'll still be keeping my finger on the pulse of what is going on, but sleeping in will be nice. Given how short staffed we are I feel bad for those who have to pick up the load but I really need this break.
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Nothing much else going on. The cat and I are settling into a routine. I feel guilty that I don't spend as much time with him as he seems to want. I'm working on building a wooden clock and he's been helpful with that and when I'm working on adjusting it he helpfully swats at the pendulum but fairly quickly looses interest. I still don't have it running yet and haven't been able to figure out what's wrong. I believe that there's some friction somewhere in the parts that I need to solve.
The house next door is being worked on and I've chatted with the father/son who are working on it. It's funny encountering people who knew my ex-wife fairly well. They seem to give me a bit of a stink-eye when I first start talking to them - presumably thinking that I must be a horrible person for such a great person as my ex to have to leave. When it turns out that I'm "just this guy" they warm up a bit. I have no idea what they believe or have been told but the reality that they see must not match.
My son is supposed to stop by this afternoon to get his summer tires on - it will be nice to see him.
Well - I could write on and on and on - but not today I think.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Well, maybe you could casually drop some exculpatory information in to the conversation with the builders. Something like “Oh yeah, I built that shed the year my wife started having her affair”. Would almost be worth it to see their jaws drop, wouldn’t it?
Glad you’re getting some vacation time - too bad it’s during the lockdown. Make sure you try to plan some real relaxation into it.
Oh yeah, I built that shed the year my wife started having her affair”.
lmao!
So glad to hear you talked to your boss about reducing your workload, and that you have a weeklong vacation coming up. If you can limit how often you take the "pulse" while you're on vacation, should do wonders for your stress, and wonders for your team re-acquainting how to get things down without you there. Don't fall for the "We left everything for you" and feeling like you have to do much double-work before or after going.
I echo what kml and CW said about your vacation time. Make sure you get some actual relaxation/NON-WORK time in there. Mind you, I'm not telling you not to work on your own personal projects around the house. I'm just cautioning you to not work on work stuff. They can manage without you for a few days. I just saw a meme the other day that was talking about how one shouldn't focus so much on work because they can be replaced within a day, but people, in general, have a tendency to think that they are irreplaceable. Not so much, in most cases. Take some time for yourself to stop and smell the roses, so to speak, and to give Monty lots of attention. It's ok to NOT work when you are off. (Says the woman who checks her own work email numerous times on days off whether I'm on vacation or taking a sick day or whatever...............)
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
