All in all, life is good. I am still seeing the same guy. He is very kind and does not like confrontation. He gets along well with people. He is positive and easy going. He had his own very tough divorce so he too just wants peace and quiet.
Hope you are all healing and practicing lots of self care. It does get better.
Hi HaWho, Nice to meet you. I have read some of your threads, what a journey you have been through! Always good then to see you came out with such strenght! Happy to see you also found love again. Good luck to you!
Me(45)EXH(44) M:15 T:18, S19, S16 & S16 04/19-02/20 ILYB & OW1 12/20-08/22 OW2 (+pregnant-his child) 03/22-Divorce official 06/22-08/23 Reconnecting 09/23-possible back with OW2
I love reading about you getting good night sleeps. That is a good sign, along with forgetting to reply to XH’s text. Lol. You are doing so wonderfully. Whole and healed.
Wow, oldest son is going to be going to college. How exciting for him, and you.
And I know what you mean about looking for the dog to be in their usual spot in the rooms. (((Hugs)))
I’m glad for the wonderful life you have crafted and the peace you have found. Hard earned and most deserved.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I am so glad that you returned and posted an update. Congratulations on the new job! I can't believe your oldest son is going off the college very soon.
You have come such a long way from the frat boy in the basement and the fake palm trees and Christmas trees. You have earned a gold start and an award for dealing w/so much along the way.
I am so very happy for you and your sons!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just a super quick post to say that today I learned my ex and his wife (she was his affair partner) divorced a few months ago.
In his typical dysfunctional fashion, I assume he swore the kids to secrecy against saying anything to me. He kept his wedding and divorce a secret from me. These folks are weird and live much of their lives in the shadows.
S15 made JV basketball and games just resumed a few weeks ago. Ex sits very far from me but the last two games he came over to a wall near me and when he leaned against it I noticed he was not wearing his wedding ring. (He was wearing it pre Covid. I have not seen him for a about a year due to Covid lockdowns.). At the next game, he came over to that same wall towards the end of the game and no wedding ring again. That’s when I thought something was up.
My sister-in-law texted me and I mentioned he was not wearing a ring and she said told me they were divorced a few months ago. She overheard ex’s conversation with his brother (my ex).
The saddest thing is he uses a lot of scare tactics and my kids have not said a word about it. I want to talk to them about this. I feel so bad for all the craziness he has introduced into their lives.
Guess it wasn’t all rainbows and lollipops over there. What a shock that a marriage founded on an affair lasted so short a time. Not sure they even made it to the 2 year mark...
Anytime he passes me at s’s games he looks at the ground. He makes zero eye contact with me. He really blew everything up for her. He told me she was “an honorable woman” when he did finally tell me he married. Yeah. Suuuuure. Wink, wink. Two lost souls that attracted each other.
It ain’t all peaches and cream for them...
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
He filed June, 2020, 6 months after their marriage. Covid lockdown had to be the death of it. The Christmas tree was probably still up, Job. LOL!
As KML said, that marriage did not fix what ailed him.
For months after that I referenced her in texts about FAFSA and s17’s college financial applications. Legally her salary was to be included. And he never once said he was no longer married.
Too proud to admit it failed. I am sure all the romance dwindled in lockdown with two teens. LOL.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
I am not surprised that this MLC marriage didn't work out. Once the "glow" of a secret marriage, etc., has become dull and boring, that is win things begin to crack. Some marriages that come out of affairs will last, but the question I always have is "are they really happy w/their new found lives and w/themselves for deceiving others"?
He can't look at you because he knows darn well what he has put you through and continues to put your boys through. He knows darn well that you were the best wife, companion and friend that he had. He blew it all up for that "high" he got from sneaking around and being w/that woman.
You have shown him that you've taken the high road and continue to do so. His loss is his to own and he will live w/that regret for the rest of his life. He may never say he is sorry, but he truly regrets what he's done.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
In my inner thoughts I don’t always take the high road. The two divorces happened almost within a year of each other (15 months!). I DO want to ask: did you get a BOGO from your divorce lawyer? (BOGO = buy one get one free for those of you unfamiliar with what may be a US only shopping term).
Wow. Cannot believe what a classic MLC story he is living.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
